The silence in the office sat for a few minutes, clouded in the air, as Miss Virtue made no attempt to prompt Bitter for the rest of her sentence, and Bitter just stared down at her paint-splattered sneakers. Sunlight poured through the glass walls, and Bitter could hear the wind whistling in the trees outside. She took a deep breath and let it fill the bottoms of her lungs.
“I doh want to live out there,” she said, her voice low. “It’s not safe.” She raised her eyes to Miss Virtue’s. “You know it’s not safe.” The woman had to know. She was the one who had rescued them from the things out there.
Miss Virtue nodded. Her lashes were dark and spiked, and she blinked so infrequently that it was unnerving to maintain eye contact with her for any length of time. “You want to stay where it’s safe.”
She said it in a matter-of-fact way, but Bitter bristled at the words. “I’m not a coward,” she snapped. “Being out there doh make anyone braver than anyone else.” In Bitter’s opinion, all it meant was that you were reckless and possibly a bit dotish.
Miss Virtue raised a narrow hand, and Bitter bit her tongue, falling back in her seat and folding her arms across her chest, waiting for the scolding to come.
It didn’t.
“You are allowed to feel safe,” Miss Virtue said. Bitter blinked, and tears heated her eyes because the words were so simple, yet so heavy with permission. The principal’s voice was as kind as when she’d first welcomed Bitter to Eucalyptus, when she’d told her that people didn’t know a school could be a forever home, but that Eucalyptus was special, just like Bitter.
Miss Virtue narrowed her eyes, as if she’d just seen into Bitter’s memory. “When we say forever, we mean it, you know?”
Bitter felt a tear spill down her cheek at that, but she swiped it away with her sleeve. “I know,” she said, her voice thick.
Miss Virtue looked thoughtful. “I’m not sure you do.” She steepled her fingers together and leaned her elbows on the desk. “This will always be your home, but I would be remiss if I didn’t encourage my students to go out into the world as well. We provide safety here, or at least we try our very best to, but safety is also something you can make for yourself, Bitter, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.”
Bitter wasn’t sure she agreed. She would have made herself safe so many times before if she could have. She had tried. It hadn’t worked.
“It not that easy,” she managed to say. She was not going to cry in front of Miss Virtue—she’d done it too many times before. “You need other things to be safe, and Lucille doh have them—it just have the opposite.”
Miss Virtue made a small sound in her throat. “Lucille is certainly … chaotic.”
That was one way to put it, Bitter thought. It’s not how she would’ve described a city that was also a crisis, but whatever.
“You can build safety in community, however,” Miss Virtue continued. “The bonds you have with the other students here, do you feel safe within them?”
Bitter didn’t even have to think. “Of course.”
“Then that’s a start.” Miss Virtue glanced at her watch. “I have another meeting, but the answer to your question is yes, Bitter. You may stay on at Eucalyptus as long as you need. Leaving will always be your choice, and your choice alone.”
“But one day I will choose to leave, is what you saying.”
Miss Virtue’s head tilted to the side, and her eyes softened a bit. “Everyone does, eventually. When they’re ready.”
The office door opened and the secretary poked her head in, her red curls tight to her scalp and her glasses reflecting the sunlight. “Come along,” she said to Bitter. “Your boyfriend’s been waiting for you.”
Bitter blushed, and Miss Virtue gave her a playful look. “Oh, you got a boyfriend now, huh?”
“No, he’s … we’re …” Bitter gave up and grabbed her backpack. “Thanks for the talk, Miss Virtue!”
The principal chuckled and pulled out her phone. “You’re welcome, child.”
Bitter made her way past the secretary’s amused look, and sure enough, Aloe was sitting in the waiting area, holding a small gift bag on his knees. He raised his head as Bitter emerged from the office, and his face broke into a huge smile. It made blood rush to Bitter’s face, how openly Aloe showed his pleasure at her presence. Sometimes she wondered how he found the courage to flash emotions as if no one could hurt him with them. He unfolded from his seat and held out his arms for a hug.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he said.
Bitter felt the secretary’s eyes on them, and so the hug she gave Aloe was awkward and hurried. He didn’t seem to mind, chattering on as they left the office.
“I have a surprise for you,” he said, and Bitter couldn’t help but smile at how excited he was.
“Is that what’s in the bag?” she asked.
Aloe faked shock. “How did you know?” He handed her the gift bag as they walked down a brick path that led to the photography studios, where Bitter was meeting Blessing for a portrait session. Aloe had drum circle in a few minutes, but he’d insisted on walking Bitter from Miss Virtue’s office to Blessing’s studio just so he could steal a little more time with her. Bitter tried to focus on how romantic it was so that she wouldn’t start to freak out about how this much affection made her almost suspicious, like there would be something ugly coming right after it. The gift bag wasn’t helping. There was no reason for him to get her a present—it was random and uncalled for, and for an uncharitable moment, Bitter wondered what Aloe was trying to get from her. The gold foil of the bag reflected sunlight into her eyes as she pulled out thin sheets of decorative green paper. Nestled underneath was a clear box filled with small, crystallized spheres in a sticky brown that washed all of Bitter’s prickly feelings away, replacing them with a sweetness that stung.
“Where you find tamarind balls?” Her voice pitched high with excitement as she popped the box open and immediately threw one into her mouth. It was a childhood taste that burst on her tongue, a fleeting memory of a time before the terrible times, a taste she had almost forgotten existed, and Bitter dragged in a deep breath edged in sugar as Aloe laughed.
“I put in some work,” he said. “You mentioned them once, and I thought maybe you’d like to taste them again.”
Bitter stared at him for a moment. He had no idea, she thought, truly no idea, how much of someone’s world he could shift just by being himself. “Thank you,” she said, because all the other things wouldn’t fit in her mouth. They had come up to Blessing’s studio, and the bell for the next hour was ringing. “You going to be late for circle.”
Aloe grinned and kissed her cheek. “Worth it,” he said, then waved and jogged off. Bitter watched him leave, staring, the box of sweetness in her hand and the gold bag dangling from her fingers. A chuckle interrupted her, and she whipped her head around to see Blessing smirking in the doorway of the studio.
“Checking out your man, huh?”
Bitter blushed and pushed past her best friend. “Doh start with me.” She put the tamarind balls carefully back into the gift bag, but Blessing snatched it away from her.