“I am,” she answered dreamily, far more comfortable in her inner world than she was in the real one. Reality hurt far more than dreams did.
“You could not know that.” Whelon shook his head. “There is no possible way you could know all of that unless you had talked to a Preor at length or been there on the planet watching it… Or if you experienced the Knowing with a master in the military.”
“I did experience the Knowing. I am experiencing the Knowing,” she said, getting sick of repeating it.
“Then, where is he?” Whelon’s voice was full of confusion. “He would have to stop. He couldn’t just fly past you. It’s impossible.”
Renay shook her head, just slightly. “Give me something and let me sleep,” she muttered, defeatedly. “Let me go back to my dreams. I can’t live in this world without him.”
“All right.” Whelon swallowed, looking her over with concern. “I’ll find your family and bring them in. I will start asking around the Preor to try and find out if any of them have been injured recently. That’s the only reason I can think of that would keep him from you.”
She winced at the thought as she saw the care and concern in his eyes. She wished she could get better for him or offer up some information that would help him find her mate. He genuinely cared for her, even if he was delicately suggesting she was making all of this up.
The truth was, she preferred to pass out and dream than talk about the Knowing. It was clear that no one believed her. They all thought she was fixated and obsessed.
Is it really so impossible for a male to not experience the Knowing?
The Knowing itself answered the question for her. It was not possible. He would have to be unconscious to ignore the call of her blood. Even though she tried not to, she found herself crying again. It hurt her throat and her head, but she couldn’t stop.
When the nurse entered a short time later, Renay happily lifted her arm for the needle. All she wanted was to slip back into a world of no pain—a place where her mate knew her, and she knew him.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold on to reality for much longer, not if she didn’t find him. The Knowing sickness was working on her, and it would be hurting him as well by now.
If they didn’t find each other, they would both die.
Chapter Seven
Tyff restlessly paced the dark halls, feeling his dragon growl within him. He had hoped to be back on the ship by now, but nothing had been decided yet about the command duties, so he was still stuck at Tau.
He could not sleep. His dreams were torture. He couldn’t remember them once he had woken, but he knew he was running—either toward or away from something, he didn’t know which. All he knew was that this thing would change his life forever and he wasn’t ready for that yet.
He put all this stress down to worrying about his brothers back on the ship. It was all he could think about, his stomach twisting into tight, hard knots. Things had been getting better after Radoo worked so hard to put things back in order. The ship routines had been settling into a pattern. Now that Radoo was gone, what would they do?
It seemed utterly ridiculous that Radoo had replaced every possible job on board so it would always be manned… But didn’t leave an understudy for his own.
The ship should be in the process of being organized for the new system, where humans and Preor learn to work together. The classes at the tower had been going well, even if they hadn’t allowed human staff up on the ship yet. Tyff hoped his brothers were keeping up their discipline even with no one in charge up there.
Plenty had left the ship. They had abandoned their duty to come and work on Earth. Every sector was screaming for Preor employees and more jobs were available than the Preor could fill. Having Preor and humans mix in that way had been a raging success and Tyff didn’t begrudge his brothers for going to Earth to look for mates.
That is exactly why we gave them a choice.
He turned from the empty halls of the tower and made for the roof. He knew flying wouldn’t ease the tightness in his chest, but the cool wind might soothe him. It was as if his dragon was writhing inside him, clawing at him and leaving fiery wounds. He had never felt this way before and he felt that if he shifted, his dragon might take control of him and abandon their duty. It was his worst fear.
I can’t imagine what could drag me from here. The thought made him shift with anxiety. Maybe, I’m just so keen to get back to the ship that it’s coming out in my other side.
He breathed in a good draught of cool, salty air as he opened the door. When he saw a dark figure off to the side, he almost went into attack mode immediately. He was literally seeing assassins everywhere now. When the shape turned and he saw the green wings glinting in the pale light, he sighed in relief.
“Jarek.”
He nodded. “Can’t sleep, Tyff?”
“I could ask the same of you.”
“I have a dragonlet,” he laughed. “I’m up at all strange hours now. But what of you? You really do look troubled, brother.”
“I am.” Tyff walked up to him, anxious to share his feelings. “Jarek, Radoo did some good work recently. The ship was finally beginning to run smoothly again. Now—now that he’s gone, it will be going to ruin all over again.”
Jarek’s eyes were pained. “I gave up my position, Tyff. I had to. I can’t change anything.”
“But you appointed Taulan,” Tyff argued. “And, where is he?”
Jarek made as if to answer, but stopped, shaking his head. “Yes. I see your point. I didn’t even know where Taulan was for a second. It’s unacceptable.”
“Yes, sir,” Tyff breathed, relief flooding his chest. “It is unacceptable. All the primary masters are effectively gone. Even Vende has practically abandoned his position.”
Jarek’s eyebrows rose up into his hair. “Really? That is unexpected.”
“You must make a decision, Jarek. I don’t think Taulan can—or should—stay on the ship. A new war master must be appointed, someone who is determined to stay on the ship and keep order.”
“I have to agree.” Jarek sighed. “I know once you have a mate and dragonlets of your own, you’ll understand, but in the meantime, our brothers deserve better than this.”
“Yes, they do,” Tyff whispered.
“How has the recent changeover gone? Have the Preor who wish to come to Earth left the ship?”
“For the most part, yes. Some still remain and they are simply managing their tasks until another Preor can take over. The split is pretty much even.”
Jarek nodded. “I don’t blame them, Tyff, and neither should you. Most of us thought that having a mate would be impossible. We didn’t expect the treaty to work out. Then when we started pairing up… It was obvious we could have the things we wanted most.” He shook his head.
“It obliterated my sense of duty. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true. Years of conditioning were thrown out the window the moment I looked into Melissa’s eyes. I thought relinquishing the job also gave me freedom, but it didn’t.”
He looked down at the tiny, bright world below.
“I’ve let my brothers down. I apologize, Tyff.”