I had to be stronger. I have to be stronger. Not just for me, but because of the situation at hand, the most important reason. Which was getting Claudia out of that house and away from Marco, away from being further molded and brainwashed into thinking that's how her life should be.
Nikolai looked like he wanted to say something else, and God did I want him to touch me again, even if it was just a stroke along the side of my neck, a reassurance that he was coming back.
When did I get so attached? When did I find myself wanting far more than I should with this man in such a short amount of time?
It seemed so insane yet I couldn’t convince myself it was wrong.
“Give me a moment and then we can settle in for the night.”
I found myself nodding, and when he did lift his hand, when he tightened his fingers around my chin, I felt myself soften. He leaned in and kissed me softly, so softly it was like he hadn’t even kissed me.
And then he was gone, both of them stepping out into the anteroom, leaving me with Sasha, who sat still, watching me, those dark eyes far more intelligent than any canine should have been.
I wasn’t necessarily a dog person, had never grown up with any kind of pets in my life, to be honest. Father never allowed it. So I sat in the garden and threw seed out in front of me, watching as the sparrows and chickadees, even the paired doves, pecked at the ground.
But Sasha didn’t seem like a “pet”. She was very much Dmitry’s companion.
I kept utterly still, not sure if making sudden movements would startle her, cause her to be defensive. So I stood there, picking at my shirt, feeling sweat start to bead my temples.
This was ridiculous. She was just an animal, not giving me any indication that she meant me any harm. And surely Nikolai wouldn’t have left me alone if he thought I was in danger.
I didn’t know if I was going to move toward her or step back, but before I could make up my mind, she was slowly rising and coming toward me, her movements steady and slow, as if she weren’t sure about me. It was almost humorous.
She was sleek and muscular, reminding me of a predator stalking closer.
It was reminiscent of when I’d seen a feral cat once at the back of my father’s home. Its black and white body had been crouched low to the grass, slowly creeping toward a little bird that was eating the seed I’d thrown on the ground. I wouldn't have let the cat get the little bird, but I’d watched in rapt awe nonetheless. So stealthy. So quiet that the tiny bird didn’t even realize, wouldn’t have a chance.
The closer Sasha got, the more tense I became. She was just a foot from me now, her ears twitching slightly, the little nub of her tail not moving. Weren’t dogs supposed to wag their tails if they were in a good mood?
Oh God. She was going to pounce, just rip my throat out and maul me.
And then she sat on her haunches, lifted her paw, and pawed at my leggings. I was so stunned that a small sound left me involuntarily. She did it again, and again, and I found myself reaching out with a shaky hand and tentatively running my fingers over the top of her head, keeping my movements slow and steady so as not to startle her.
And when she let me run my fingers across that bump on the top of her skull and behind her ear, I gave a little laugh.
She huffed out and gave a low groan, and if I didn’t relate so much in that moment, I might have laughed.
“I know, girl.”
The front door opened a second later and Nikolai was stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. I heard the faint click of a lock engaging, and then we just stood there and stared at each other.
Nikolai lowered his gaze and I knew he watched as I pet Sasha.
“I knew she’d take to you right away,” he said almost to himself. “Go on, Sasha, lay down.”
Sasha didn’t move. In fact she growled low, which had Nikolai’s eyebrows rising slightly.
“Seriously?” He growled in return and said something low in Russian, which had Sasha huffing out once more, but she did move over to the couch and laid her lithe body down on the rug, her focus never wavering from Nikolai.
“What did you say to her?”
“I told her if she didn’t cut the protective bullshit, I’d feed her the kibble from the corner store instead of the steaks Dmitry left for her in the fridge.” His lips twitched and I realized he was teasing. Nikolai Petrov… teasing. “I told her if anyone was going to protect you it was me.”
My heart skipped a beat at that, but Nikolai didn’t give me a chance to let his words flutter in me and spread outward, didn’t allow me to let his meaning soak in. Because he started coming toward me, stalking just like Sasha had done… just like a lion did to the gazelle before he pounced and took it down.
He stood in front of me smelling like dark spices and remnants of the icy air outside. The plane ride had been long, the time change something I’d have to get used to. And with evening settling over the city, sleep sounded heavenly.
That was, it had until Nikolai stood right in front of me, both of us alone, the sound of my heartbeat increasing, and the feel of his body heat surrounding me, having any feeling of tiredness leaving instantly.
He reached out and toyed with the end of a lock of my hair, rubbing it between his fingers before lifting his gaze to my face. For long moments he just watched me, and with each passing second I grew hotter, as if I were standing under a heat lamp.
Wet and soft and ready for something I’d never experienced before.
“I bet you’re so damn pretty when you cry,” he murmured and smoothed a thumb under my eye as if he pictured a fat tear rolling down.
And even though I could assume the worst by his comment, that he wanted to hurt me and draw those tears from me, I felt the truth of what he meant.
Because thinking of him making me cry has me wet.
“Come, let me show you the rest of your new home.”
…rest of your new home.
That should have scared me more than it sent a thrill of excitement through me.
I hadn’t been able to understand how I’d become so comfortable with Nikolai in such a short amount of time. We knew virtually nothing about each other, yet the more I thought of it, the more I opened my mind and tried to sift through all the little pieces of its truth, that’s when I understood.
No longer did I feel like that bird living in a gilded cage, singing a beautiful song not because I was content, but because I had a broken heart.
I was finally free for the first time in my life. I could breath and stretch my wings.
Chapter
Nineteen
Amara
Nikolai held out the Thai takeout box but I placed a hand on my belly, then lifted my palm toward him and shook my head. “I don’t think I can take another bite,” I said with a grin, then followed it with a soft moan of discomfort. “I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much in one sitting.”
I had my father to thank for that, a man who would watch our portions and scold us if he thought we had too much to eat. In his eyes all he saw us as was a pawn to use, and his pawns had to be thin and pretty and only there for appearances.
After Dimitri left, Nikolai gave me a tour of his apartment. Although the term apartment seemed grossly understating given his place. The penthouse was two levels, with the lower one housing the living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, and a full bath. There was a modern staircase that led up to the upper level, which was taken up completely by the master suite and bath.