The smell of his aftershave made her shudder. ‘It’s been a while,’ she said.
‘Well, you know why. I would have been more than happy to keep things amicable but you couldn’t seem to do that.’
It occurred to Gilly that he’d got married in the first place so he’d have someone constantly on hand to blame things on. Nothing was ever his fault, it was always hers, however unreasonable he’d been.
‘Shall we go through?’ said Cressida, who seemed nervous. ‘It’s all ready.’
Although she knew Cressida would be perfectly prepared Gilly leaped to her feet. ‘Let me give you a hand!’ She followed Cressida through to the kitchen.
‘I’m so sorry, Gilly,’ said Cressida immediately. ‘It was not my idea to invite Sebastian. I’ve always thought there was another side to why your marriage broke down.’
‘There was, but I never wanted my children to see quite how bad things were. It was harder to keep it from Helena, who was still at home, though.’
Cressida nodded.
Gilly spotted an open bottle of wine. ‘Do you mind if I have some of that? I’m going to need help if I’m going to get through this.’
‘Of course,’ said Cressida. ‘You can always get a cab home.’
Gilly smiled faintly. While Cressida’s back was turned she sent William a little text asking how he was. Making contact with him gave her courage.
Back in the dining room, sitting round the glass table which made you cold if you leaned on it, Cressida served out salmon and steamed vegetables. Everyone was given two little new potatoes. Martin put an inch of wine into each wine glass. The wine didn’t have room to breathe, it had room to hyperventilate and faint, Gilly felt, very grateful for the extra half-glass she’d gulped down in the kitchen. She was still trembling with indignation that Martin had invited Sebastian without telling her.
Three forkfuls in, Martin said, ‘So what’s the big announcement, Mum? Apart from the fact that you don’t want to sell your house?’
With everyone looking at her, Gilly, just for a moment, was tempted to declare she had a terminal illness, just to see their faces. And in fact this thought gave her courage. Think how much worse the whole revelation could have been!
‘OK, well, it’s quite simple. William, my boyfriend, is moving in with me. We’ll have to get rid of some furniture and I wondered if you wanted your old desk, Martin.’ She knew she’d been lucky to get such a long sentence out without being interrupted. During their marriage, even when she wasn’t delivering life-changing news, Sebastian had found it very hard to let her say more than about five words at a time.
‘What!’ shouted Sebastian, spitting a little.
‘Mum! William is your f— freakin’ accountant!’ said Martin.
‘Gilly!’ said Cressida, who had been an ally for such a brief time. ‘What about Leo?’
‘Leo and I were not destined to be a couple,’ said Gilly, deciding not to tell Cressida that Leo was a lying fantasist with strong leanings towards embezzlement.
‘You’re going to let your miserable accountant move in with you?’ demanded Sebastian, leaning towards her in the intimidating way he had used so often in their marriage. ‘Well, let me tell you, that’s not going to happen!’
‘It’s nothing to do with you, Sebastian.’ Gilly reached out for the bottle and topped up her glass.
‘Really, Mum! How can you even think of moving another man into our home!’
‘I raised my children in that house – the one you insisted on keeping although I was entitled to half!’ said Sebastian.
‘But you didn’t raise your children in it, I did; and I did keep it. It’s mine, and if I want William to share it with me, it’s my decision. Cressida, dear, is there more wine somewhere?’
‘Getting drunk won’t help!’ said Martin.
‘Usually, I’d agree with you,’ said Gilly, her head never clearer. ‘But right now, I think wine is the only answer!’
‘So tell us about this William, then?’ asked Sebastian.
‘He’s an accountant,’ said Martin as if that were sufficient to damn him.
‘His hobby is gliding,’ said Gilly.
Sebastian laughed. ‘Well, you won’t be able to join in with that, will you?’
‘Oh yes I will,’ said Gilly quietly. ‘I like gliding.’ The way she said it gave the impression she’d done it more than once, but as she fully intended to go often, it wasn’t really a lie.
‘What?’ said everyone, more or less at the same time. The general disbelief was at once patronising and rather satisfying.
‘It’s amazing up there. We live in such a good area for it, the scenery is so beautiful.’
‘But you won’t even fly in a small plane!’ said Sebastian.
‘A lot of things have changed since you knew me,’ she said. ‘I’m not the woman you left crying in a heap.’ She picked up her glass. It was empty. Cressida leaned across and topped it up.
‘You can’t do this, you know, I won’t permit it,’ said Sebastian.
A memory of fear touched Gilly like a ghost. He’d been a bully and frightened her. The expression ‘coercive control’ hadn’t been in use at the time but that was exactly what she had suffered throughout her marriage. She would give in to keep the peace, until she stopped giving in and that was when he began to get really threatening.
‘You have no power to stop me doing anything,’ said Gilly. ‘You bullied me all through our marriage and I put up with it for the sake of our children. But they’re grown up now and your influence over me is finished! I have met a man who makes me happy, who loves me and who is kind. We are going to live together and there’s not a thing you can do about it.’
‘Oh, really? I think you’ll find I can do a lot—’
She gave him a look which she hoped made him feel like dirt under her shoe. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me,’ she said, picking up her handbag. ‘I’ll just pop to the loo.’
Once she was in the hall, Gilly opened the front door and let herself out.
She walked down the drive and past her car. She knew she wasn’t fit to drive although she still felt very clear-headed. When she was out on the road she found her phone. She sent Cressida a quick text thanking her and explaining she had to leave unexpectedly. Then she went to ‘Favourites’ and called a taxi. Because she was a good customer they said they’d come immediately.
However, she knew it would take them a good fifteen minutes to reach her and she began to feel anxious in case anyone came out of the house to look for her. She walked along the road and round a bend so she would be out of sight.
While she was walking, adrenalin making her heart race, Gilly’s mind focused on the failure of their marriage. In Sebastian’s opinion, men were the ones to be adored, to be pandered to, appeased, obeyed. Gilly blamed his mother for making him believe this. She’d been a strong woman who never pandered to anyone, but she’d never liked Gilly, never thought she was good enough for her son. Gilly had been perversely pleased that they’d stayed married until after Sebastian’s mother had died, not giving her the chance to say, ‘I told you so.’