“Hey,” Josh said.
“Hey.”
“How’s the spa? Please tell me you got a massage. Or five.”
“Ha ha. And yes, I did.”
“Five?”
She felt a smile tug at her lips. “One, but it was a very good massage. Can I talk to her?”
“Oh, um . . . well. No, not exactly.”
Claire sat up straight. “Excuse me?”
“She’s indisposed.”
“Indisposed? What does that mean?”
“It means she can’t come to the phone.”
There was the hint of a laugh in his voice, and it made her wish she could transcend space and time and strangle him right here and now. Her pulse started racing, her mind swirling with all the scenarios of why her daughter was indisposed at ten thirty at night.
They’re at some wild party with Josh’s baseball bros from high school.
They decided to take a road trip and Josh left Ruby at a gas station.
Josh completely forgot that she was spending the night and dropped her off at Claire’s house and someone kidnapped her off the front porch and now Ruby was in the clutches of—
The bathroom door opened, and Delilah stepped out dressed in nothing but an oversize white cotton tee that fell at mid-thigh, her hair up in a clip. The sight jolted Claire back into the room and cleared her head. Delilah gave her a weird look—Claire was definitely huffing like a hyperventilating rhino—and froze on the spot.
Claire waved a hand as if to say I’m fine.
“Josh, put my daughter on the phone right now.”
“Claire.”
“I don’t care where you are or what the hell you’re doing.”
“Claire.”
“I swear to god, I will take a dull knife to your manhood if you so much as—”
“Jesus, Claire, she’s asleep.”
Claire stilled. “Asleep.”
“Yes.”
“In a bed?”
“Seriously? Yes.”
“In her bed at your apartment?”
He sighed. “Yes.”
She closed her eyes, warm relief spreading through her body.
Quickly followed by a chilly irritation.
“Then why the hell didn’t you just say so?” she said. “Goddammit, Josh.”
“I’m sorry. I was just playing around. I didn’t think you’d freak out that much.”
She let a beat of silence pass, because this guy. She chanced a look at Delilah, who was still standing by the bathroom door watching her with a concerned expression on her face.
“Okay, fine,” Josh said. “Now that I think about it, I probably should’ve realized you would freak out. I’m sorry, really.”
She inhaled deeply for what felt like the hundredth time in the past ten minutes, her shoulders dropping. Delilah must’ve taken that as a sign that things were okay, because she stepped close to the bed and rested one knee on the mattress. Her shirt inched up a bit, which Claire definitely did not notice.
“It’s all right,” Claire said, suddenly exhausted. She dropped her head into her hand and pressed her fingers to her temple.
“Want me to wake her up?”
“No, no, I’ll talk to her in the morning.”
“Okay. Hey, the oven’s off.”
She dropped her hand into her lap. “What?”
“The oven? I . . . I turned it off as soon as I was done cooking dinner. Even before you had Grant stop by and check on me.”
“I didn’t—”
“And Ruby’s been in bed since ten o’clock. I know it’s later than nine thirty, but I figured, summer and all. Ten is good, right?”
She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to all this. Did he want a medal for performing basic parenting duties and pressing a button on the stove? After years of disappearing, staying gone for months, and barely even calling once a week, all in the name of I’m not good for anyone right now?
“Okay, Josh,” she said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
And then she hung up before he could say anything else, setting the phone on the nightstand while she got herself back together.
“Everything all right?” Delilah asked.
Claire closed her eyes just for a second, then looked up and smiled. “Yeah. Fine.”
Delilah narrowed her eyes at her, clearly not buying it. “So he’s a dick, is that it? We need to take him out too?”
“No.” The answer came so quickly. A reflex. Because Josh wasn’t a dick. Not by a long shot. This would all be so much easier if he was. “He’s just . . .” She shook her head. “He’s a guy who had to grow up too soon.”
Delilah pulled a face. “No sooner than you had to.”
“I know. But I’m . . .” She closed her mouth, unsure why she was making excuses for him. She didn’t mean to, but she knew that her relationship with Josh, Ruby, this little oddball family she had, wasn’t as simple as Josh being a jerk and ghosting. It was a hurt-layered, terror-filled, love-for-your-kid-addled mess.
“You’re what?” Delilah asked. “The mom? The woman? So that means you have to give up your whole life and he doesn’t?”
Claire looked at her, a spark in the other woman’s eyes that felt suddenly addictive, like sitting by a warm fire after a year in a frozen wasteland.
“Maybe,” Claire said softly, her cheeks burning with the admission. “I know it’s not the right way to think about it, but I . . . well, all he did was have sex with a faulty condom. I’m the one who grew Ruby in my own body.”
Delilah pursed her lips and tilted her head at Claire. “All the more reason you deserve good things.”
Her voice was so soft, so intense, it was like the world stopped spinning for a second. Claire could only stare at Delilah, her simple words swelling Claire’s throat. She’d never been great at putting herself first, at going after the things she wanted. After all, she adored her daughter, couldn’t imagine life without her. What else was there to go after?
But as Claire stared at Delilah, want curled in her belly, so strong her mouth watered and her chest ached with some emotion she couldn’t even put a name to.
“Do you want to talk about this?” Delilah asked, breaking the spell.