“I’m sorry,” I tell him, absolutely shattered by the idea of Roman standing out in some field or on a beach all alone, digging a hole for the mother of his child, the woman who holds such a high place in his heart. “We could have helped you. You didn’t need to do that alone.”
“I did,” he tells me, his hand winding up into the back of my hair as his arm tightens around my waist and lifts me up off the ground. He pushes me back onto the bar and steps between my legs as I keep holding onto him. He braces himself against the bar and hangs his head so that his forehead presses against my shoulder. “I let her down. I let my father fool me, and because of that, she suffered in a fucking cell while growing my baby in her womb. She needed me more than ever and I let her down.”
My fingers knot into his hair as Felicity’s innocent face settles into my head and I find myself holding onto him tighter. Felicity wasn’t built for this world. I only knew her for those few short minutes before her death, but even that was enough to show me who she was. She would have been the quiet girl at school, blushing when the popular guy paid her a little attention. This world would have eaten her up and spit her out the other end.
“We all let her down, Roman,” I tell him, holding back the tears that well in my eyes, hating seeing Roman so crushed. I’ve never seen him hurting like this, and something tells me that opening up and showing his vulnerabilities isn’t something he does often. Hell, for so long, I thought these guys weren’t capable of feeling these normal human emotions, but every day they prove to me that they’re more human than anyone I’ve ever met. “She wasn’t scared of death,” I continue, noticing the dirt under his nails from his long morning of digging her grave. “She was just glad that it was over and she didn’t have to live with this fear anymore. She loved you, and she was so lucky to have had that reciprocated.”
Roman scoffs and raises his head, his dead eyes lingering on mine. “To love me and my brothers means to live in fear and being loved in return means certain death. Is that something that you want? Because that’s how it’s going to end. You’re going to be just like her.”
I shake my head, knowing it’s his fear and grief talking, though on some level, I think it might be true. “That won’t happen to me,” I tell him, my confidence in the brothers knowing no bounds. “You and your brothers won’t allow it. You’re going to take down your father and finally put an end to this. We’re going to find your son and you’ll get to live a million more years, ruling over this world and raising your son to be a proud, honest man, just like you and your brothers. Felicity may be gone, just like so many other innocent lives that have been lost in this war, but you have an opportunity to rise up. This is your game now, and your father is nothing but a pawn that you get to play. Enjoy it, Roman. Take revenge and make him pay for it all.”
A flicker of fire burns deep in his eyes and he reaches around me, grabbing the bottle of whiskey off the bar before taking a step back, not once taking his eyes off mine. He holds my stare for a long moment as he brings the bottle of whiskey to his lips, and after throwing it back, the fire burns a little bit brighter. Roman moves into me again and curls his hand around the back of my neck before pulling me in. I smell him all around me, his addictive scent like a shot right to the heart as he holds me tight, then just when I think it’s all over, he presses a firm, lingering kiss to my temple.
My eyes flutter closed, soaking in his touch, and then all too soon, he pulls away from me and strides out of the dining room without another damn word.
11
The doctor packs up her tools as I glance down at my scarred arm, looking over my latest bandage, though at least this one is self-inflicted. “Thank you,” I say again as she pushes back from her chair, studiously ignoring Marcus’ hard stare from across the room.
“Of course,” she says, side eyeing him with tight lips before pulling out a piece of paper and sliding it across the table toward me. “And remember, if you need anything … and I mean anything, you call me, okay?”
I give her a fake smile while inwardly laughing at the thought of me getting my hands on a cell phone to be able to call her in the first place, but truth be told, I’m perfectly fine in this fucked-up world and I think she can see that. She’s a smart woman and I’ve appreciated her visit, but just one look at me and she can see the hell I’ve been through over the past few months. There’s no denying that she knows who Marcus is; the whole world does. I just have to hope that she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut about today’s appointment. If she knows what’s good for her, she will, and I don’t mean that as a threat. I truly hope she doesn’t try anything stupid like swooping in to save me. I don’t need a hero, not anymore. I am my own hero.
I get up to walk her out and she reaches down, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Careful,” she says. “Take it slowly. Your arm may be numb for a little while longer, but the anesthetic will start to wear off and you might experience some discomfort. It shouldn’t hang around for too long.”
Nodding my head, I give her a genuine smile. I like this doctor. She was very thorough with me and actually seems to care. She didn’t care for Marcus’ grumpy ass attitude across the room, and she gave out just as much lip as he did in her endeavor to care for me. She did a quick pregnancy test to cover all bases before shoving this thing in my arm, and as we waited for the results, she looked over some of my still healing wounds, though there wasn’t much she could do for them.
I don’t know what it is about a pregnancy test that makes the worst kind of anxiety pulse through my veins, but it was the longest three minutes of my whole time being here so far, and that’s saying a lot. I’m all for women having babies, good for them. I hope their little bundle of joy makes them the happiest motherfuckers around town, but that shit ain’t for me, at least, not yet, and certainly not while I’m still navigating my way around this world. This life isn’t safe for a baby, and Roman’s new son is proof of that. Hell, we can barely keep track of that one. Having another would be a foolish move.
With some more care instructions and some medication to help with my healing wounds, the doctor walks out and I stand with Marcus as she makes her way down the grand entrance of the DeAngelis mansion. “Please don’t hurt this one,” I mutter, hoping to God that she can’t hear my voice trailing across the wind. “I like her.”
Marcus narrows his eyes and I know that one comment from me will keep her safe whether he likes it or not. His lips press into a tight line. “She’s way too confident,” he murmurs.
“I know,” I laugh, slipping my arm through his and dropping my head to his shoulder. “That’s what I like about her. Do you have any idea how refreshing it is to watch other people converse with you three when they’re not afraid of you? It’s the most amusing thing I’ve ever seen.”
He shakes his head. “That only goes to prove just how stupid she is.”
I roll my eyes as she gets into her car and makes a hasty escape. I’m sure she’s not blind to the fact that her life was in immediate danger had she pushed the limits just a little too far. I bet she’s sitting in that car with shaky hands on the steering wheel and sweat pooling under her ass. “She’s not stupid,” I tell him, pulling back on his arm as she disappears down the long drive. “She just cares, and what more could you ask for from your doctor?”