Rising panic forced the next words out of Helena. “But he has no need for an attachment now.”
“That’s true,” August added carefully. “But it would certainly ease the consequences of Papa’s anger.”
“Yes, it would,” Violet agreed. “The Van der Meers are very good friends of our family. I suggested it because I know that Max has escorted her to various functions. He even wrote to me about attending a party at the Van der Meers over Christmas.”
“Now that you mention it”—August waved a finger in the air—“in his last letter he mentioned having dinner at their house. That must have been earlier this month.”
Violet smiled at Helena. “See, there’s no need for concern. I should think Papa would be soothed by the knowledge of another engagement. Of course, we must make it appear that you dropped Max. We wouldn’t want people to think anything less. They should think he is merely soothing the pain of your loss with Amelia.”
But Helena didn’t want him with another woman.
She had tried to be selfless and noble where he was concerned, but it turned out she wasn’t very good at it. Every day and night without him had been one long, excruciating exercise in missing him. Rising, she walked to the window that overlooked the garden. She had known that he might marry, but this was too soon. She needed time, another year, maybe two, to get over him before he married.
“Well, I suppose it’s for the best, then,” Helena said.
The room was silent, prompting her to turn and face the sisters. They sat with identical expressions of shock and hurt. Over the lump in her throat, Helena asked, “Why are you both looking at me like that? You knew this betrothal would end.”
A look passed between the sisters that Helena could not read. Before she had an opportunity to interpret it, the nanny appeared in the doorway. “Excuse the interruption, my lady, but Lady Rosalie has awakened from her nap.”
“Thank you, Nora.” Violet rose and said, “Please excuse me while I see to her ladyship.” To Helena she said, “Don’t leave before I come back.”
The moment Violet was gone, August walked over to her and took her hand. “Please don’t be upset by this, but in a moment of despair, Max shared with me the reason you refuse to marry him. I don’t think he meant to. I simply came upon him not long after you had talked that last night at Claremont Hall.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” She was relieved that someone knew besides herself and Max.
“It didn’t seem like it was any of my concern, and you never mentioned it.” August hesitated. “I understand why you would be wary of involving yourself in another marriage, and perhaps you are right. That is a choice that you have to make. However, I can tell you that what Max feels for you is real. In every letter he writes to me and to Violet, he asks about you, and not simply in passing. He wants to know that we are taking care of you. He wants to know that you are happy.”
“That’s very kind of you to tell me, but facing a future devoid of children is more serious than a temporary heartache.”
“But what of your future?” August asked. “You seem prepared to sacrifice what you want without even considering that you might have it.”
“I don’t expect you to understand, August, and I appreciate your concern, but it would be very unfair of me to trap him into a marriage. He might change his mind in two years or ten years, and then where will we be? I won’t be stuck in a lifelong marriage with a man who resents me more with every passing year. It almost happened once, and I could not bear it with Max.”
August surprised her by smiling gently. “Then you can get a divorce.”
“A divorce?” The word sat like an expletive on her tongue that she wasn’t supposed to know. “I don’t think that’s possible. Very few are able to obtain a divorce. It takes an act of Parliament. I should think they wouldn’t relent.”
August’s smile widened. “Helena, dear, I think you’re forgetting one very important detail. Max is not an Englishman. When you marry him, you’ll become an American. No act of Parliament will be required. Divorce will be expensive, and I’m certain there will be a scandal, but it’s not unheard of in our courts.”
Helena went hot all over, her skin prickling as it grew too tight. Then she became cold, a chill sweeping down her body. “I could never divorce.”
But could she marry the love of her life, knowing that she could set him free if he chose it later?
“It’s not ideal, I admit, but what if accepting that you have this option . . . this opportunity to free him if it comes to it, helps you take this chance?”
Helena shook her head. “It’s unthinkable.” Her entire life she had been taught to believe that marriage was an unbreakable union. She believed that. If she said the words I do to him, she would mean them for the rest of her life.
But this had never been about her own intention, had it? Had it been solely about her happiness, she would have proposed to him months ago on that train ride to find Violet, probably. How had she been so stupid to never consider that there might be a way? That as much as it would hurt her, she could release him from their marriage if it came to it?
Still, doubts raised their heads. “I . . . I don’t know that he would agree. Perhaps he’s already decided that it was right to have this distance between us. Has he been talking to Amelia Van der Meer?” She wanted to believe that Violet had invented the story to urge her to confront Max, but she wasn’t entirely certain of that.
August shrugged. “I suppose you’ll have to ask him. But please think on it, Helena. I know I have no right to ask you to do this; however, I’ve come to think of you as a sister. I want you to be happy, and I know that Max could make you happy. I know that he wants to make you happy.” August hugged her and very softly whispered against her ear, “You deserve to be happy.”
Helena squeezed her eyes closed against the tears that threatened. Could she actually do it? Could she go into a marriage with divorce on her mind? It was nearly unfathomable.
“Your parents won’t like me very much when they find out the truth. Your father has been very clear about his legacy.”
August smiled and met her gaze. “And when have the Crenshaw siblings ever allowed our parents control of our lives? Remember, you’ll have all three of us on your side. I can’t ask you to take on their displeasure, but I promise that if you do, you won’t do it alone.”
By the time Helena returned home an hour later, she was shaking inside with the possibility August had presented her. She should be preparing for the dinner she would be attending later that evening with a few members of the orphanage’s board, but instead, she wandered aimlessly around the house, her sight turned inward on the possibility presented to her. Part of her demanded she take it, while another, possibly bigger part of her quaked in fear at what it might mean. She’d have to give up her life here. She’d have to accept that he may actually one day want to divorce. More immediately, she’d have to face the possibility that Max had already changed his mind.