That’s got to be tough. My heart keens for her, but before I can offer anything more than a sympathetic look, she flips the conversation.
“What about you? How did you get into the service?”
“Not a family thing. I grew up in the Bronx and got into a lot of trouble as a kid.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“The usual. Stealing, joyriding, vandalism. Had a local cop straighten me out and point me in the direction of the FDNY. But really the impetus to get my act together was my daughter being born. Kids tend to change your mindset and becoming a dad at twenty-one is a real wake-up call.”
She nods, assessing me with those electric blue eyes that seem to know all my secrets. “And you got married.”
“Yeah. As soon as I saw Lena in all her red-faced, wrinkled, new baby smell glory, I was a goner. I liked Tori—her mom—well enough and thought that was the best way to make a stable environment for my daughter. But my ex wasn’t really the marrying kind. Her heart was never in it and we split up a couple of times. Tried again for the sake of Lena, then this last time, it just didn’t stick. Or rather the split did.” I rub my mouth. “How do you do that?”
“What?”
“Make me spill my guts like I’m in therapy? There are fifty million reasons why I should not be laying this on you.”
“The boss thing? We can be friends as well, can’t we?”
Friends. Maybe that’s what I need. Someone I can talk to, who won’t judge. But I have a feeling I’d be crossing the line before the friendship bracelets are woven and wrapped around our wrists.
“Enough about me. Tell me about this asshole CO of yours.”
She grins at my deflection that happens to bring it right back to me. “Oh, where do I start? He’s kind of grouchy, one of those abrupt New York types, y’know?”
“I’m sure he has his reasons.”
“To make my life miserable!” She splays a hand over her collarbones and makes a dramatic face that pulls a laugh from me. I like that she’s not bitter about the punishment I set her.
“I just want to learn,” she adds. “And I don’t want to miss an opportunity.”
“Then you know the score. Watch and listen.”
“That’s what Alex Dempsey said. She left me a letter, talking about what a good LT you are.”
That’s unexpected. Alex Dempsey is a great firefighter. A bit of a hothead like her brother Luke but she has excellent instincts.
“They’re good people, the Dempseys. Good at their jobs, too. You can learn a lot from Gage.”
“And from you.”
I’m strangely humbled by this. Mentoring my crew is one of the great pleasures I get from my work. I don’t want to put any of that in jeopardy by playing favorites or disrupting my concentration.
“So, can I ask something?”
I look up in surprise. Nothing good—or safe—ever follows that kind of query. “Sure.”
“Someone said you had a run-in with my father at a scene. What happened?”
Didn’t expect that. I’m not sure if I should tell her because I hate the idea of her going back to her dad about it, but neither do I want to lie.
“About two months ago we were on a callout to a house fire in Logan Square. Our truck was first on site and we were setting up when someone pulled up in an SUV. A civilian.” Her eyes spark in recognition, already suspecting where the story is going. “Or who I thought was a civilian.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh. It was dark. I’d never met him, though I’d seen photos of him in his uniform. He didn’t look like his photo.”
“Does anyone?” She bites her lip. “Sorry, not trying to excuse it. So he tried to take over the scene?”
“In a manner of speaking. Demanded to know what my plan was. I told him to step aside to let us do our work.”
She grimaces. “Did no one else clue you in?”
“They were busy, doing their jobs. Anyway, he said he was the commissioner. At this point I recognized him but I was so pissed that he was stepping into the middle of an active call that I basically told him to remove himself from the scene or I would have him removed.”
Her hand flies to her mouth. “No!”
With hindsight it sounds amusing. The dressing down I got when Commissioner Sullivan stopped by Engine 6 the next morning wasn’t quite as funny.
“Anyway, he let Venti have it.” Venti is the nickname for Captain Matt Ventimiglia, Engine 6’s head honcho. “Said I needed to be more respectful of authority and that I was on my last warning.”
“What about a first warning?”
I blow out a breath, unsure about how much I should get into here. I figure I can come at it by the back roads.
“How well do you get along with your father?”
That surprises her. “Why do you ask?”
“There are rumors swirling about his support—or lack of—for your candidacy in CFD. That it’s caused a rift.”
She studies me from beneath the veil of her lashes, probably wondering how much I can be trusted. I see the moment when she relaxes enough to open up.
It’s exhilarating.
“It’s not really a secret that he doesn’t want me in the service. He’s erected roadblocks at every opportunity, told the instructors at the academy to put me through my paces, made it clear I shouldn’t get any special treatment. In fact, I should be pushed harder so I wouldn’t feel exceptional or think I had an in.”
It’s not far off from what I’d been told. “I assume this stems from fear because of what happened to your mother.”
“That’s what he says. Sure it’s a dangerous job but anything could happen to me off the job. This is what I want. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I was born to do this.”
Her desire to succeed is a living, breathing thing. I hear from guys all the time who say they want to save lives, make a difference, score with chicks. Abby wants this because it’s in her blood.
“So you two aren’t talking right now?”
“He didn’t even call me when I started at Engine 6.” Her father’s resistance has really hurt her and again, something lurches in my chest. “You’ve met him, he’s not an easy man.”
This is true. I suppose I needed to know more about their relationship before I explain how he has the ability to really fuck up my career.
“You asked me about a first warning or why Commissioner Sullivan said I was on my last. I left FDNY under somewhat of a cloud. Got into it with my captain there because of some personal stuff, so that follows me.”
The New York brass would have been happy to move me to another firehouse after how I screwed up. But by that point, my marriage was over, my family was in ruins, and my sister offered me a lifeline in Chicago. I did the necessary recertifications and training at Engine 6, and when the time came to appoint a new LT, I jumped at the chance. My experience in the service outweighed my mistake in taking on my captain with a fist.
“I was lucky to get the transfer. I started at a lower rank but got the promotion fairly quickly. I can’t screw up because this is my last shot. My kid needs stability.”
She’s staring at me, all big-eyed sympathy and I want to curl up in a ball and rewind to five minutes ago when she didn’t know this about me.