I rarely see Darius at home anymore. He’s gone when I wake up, and he doesn’t return until long after I’ve gone to bed. At school, he’s polite and professional, but he avoids getting close to me, and he only speaks to me when someone else is nearby. Even so, I’m constantly aware of his presence, a sensation both chafing and oddly pleasurable, like fine-grained sandpaper rubbing against my skin.
His retreat doesn’t surprise me. What had I expected? That there could ever be more between me and the man I’ve known since before I was born? That Darius would ever put his reputation, his values, and his twenty-five-year-old friendship with my father at risk?
No.
But something inside me is changing in a way that’s both exciting and scary. I don’t know what to do in this strange new world, with these strange new feelings. I don’t know what to do with the realization that I’m capable of stopping a horrific act of violence, of confronting one of the perpetrators, of being wrathful and brave.
I might even be relieved—a little—about Darius’s retreat from me. My relationship with myself is complicated enough right now, without the added torture of trying to understand whatever is happening between me and him.
Because nothing is not the correct answer. But something life-changing can’t be the answer either.
The November air grows cool and crisp. I immerse myself in my studies, classwork, and drawing. I spend the hours after school wandering around town taking pictures or developing images in the darkroom. At night, I work on my Winsome Swift story, or I change and enhance my black-and-white self-portraits with watercolors and ink.
I don’t see Clover until over a week after the party, when she approaches me at my locker after school.
“Hey, Nell.” She twists her mouth in embarrassment. “My mom told me what happened and what you did for me. I feel pretty stupid. I’ve never been that wasted. Thanks for helping me out.”
A sick feeling rises to my throat at the lingering thought of what could have happened to her.
“Please make sure you have a friend with you next time. Someone to look out for you.” I close my locker door and snap the combination lock shut. “That party was getting dangerous, especially for a girl who was almost unconscious.”
“Yeah.” She casts her eyes downward, as if some fragment of memory or instinct is reminding her that night could have ended very differently. “Are we…uh, are we still friends?”
“Of course.” We join the crowd streaming toward the building entrance.
“My mom said Mr. Hawke also had to deal with me.” A flush rises to her cheeks. “She said he was really nice, but I’m so embarrassed. Can you tell him I’m sorry, please? I’m kind of scared to talk to him. He’s a little intimidating.”
“I’ll tell him.” We walk down the front steps. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Me too.” She smiles gratefully. “And I promise I won’t do that again. Can I buy you a coffee?”
Since I’d been planning to walk home anyway, I agree. We head toward downtown and stop at Dream Bean. After getting our drinks, we go into Comic Castle.
“Nell, how nice to see you.” Fern greets me warmly. “You haven’t been here in a while.”
“Nice to see you again too.” I’m glad she doesn’t seem at all upset with me about the party.
“Are you girls hungry?” Fern accepts the coffee Clover hands her. “I’ve got banana bread upstairs.”
“We’ll get it.” Clover gestures for me to follow her up a back staircase to the apartment above the shop.
As we enter, I look around appreciatively at the small space. Brightly patterned curtains hang on the windows, and the walls are decorated with framed prints of classic movies and comic book covers. Plants bloom from colorful pots and macramé hangers, and shelves contain an abundance of trinkets, action-figures, and well-worn books.
Clover asks me to get the plates from the cupboard while she unwraps the banana bread.
“So, uh, there’s also something else I wanted to talk to you about.” She slices a few pieces of the bread. “I don’t know if Simon said anything, but he and I were talking after school a few days ago…” She pauses, her face reddening. “I didn’t see him at the party. He doesn’t know what happened, does he?”
“I didn’t tell him.” I set two colorful plates on the counter beside her. “I haven’t told anyone. I won’t.”
“Thanks.” She shoots me a relieved smile. “I don’t want him to think I’m an idiot. We just had this cool conversation the other day about movies and world-building. I kind of…well, I think he’s really nice.”
“I agree.”
“Are you into him?” She turns to put the knife in the sink. “You know, romantically?”
I swallow a laugh. “No. Not at all. He’s just a friend.”
“Oh, good. Because I felt like we had a spark or something, you know?” She rolls her eyes. “Though it was kind of hard to tell for sure. I just didn’t want to even think about it if you and he have something going on.”
“We don’t.” I’ve never played matchmaker in my life, but I find myself saying, “Do you want me to ask him about you? In a subtle way, I mean.”
“Would you?” She hands me a plate of banana bread. “He’s so easy to talk to normally, but I don’t know how to approach a guy about romance or whatever. I also wouldn’t want to screw up our friendship.”
Though I already know Simon has a thing for Clover, I promise to talk to him to confirm it. She and I eat and chat about the books we’re reading, then take our coffee back downstairs when her shift starts.
Fern gives me a smile as Clover heads into the storage room for new stock. “How’s Winsome Swift?”
I like how she asks about Winsome as if she’s a real person. I tell her about my character’s new evolutions—how she captures power from lightning bolts, like Zeus, and her animal familiar is the bee.
Fern lifts her eyebrows. “The bee. How unique. I’ve always heard of familiars being black cats, owls, or snakes. That kind of thing.”
“Bees actually have a fascinating history in folklore and mythology.” I sip my coffee. “My father used to tell me the story of how Apollo received his gift of prophecy from three bee goddesses. Bees are considered to be messengers between the natural world and the spirit world, and since Winsome is connected to the spirit world, it makes sense that her familiar would be too.”
“I love it.” Fern rests her elbows on the counter. “From what you’ve told me, she’s a bit like a bee herself, isn’t she? Beautiful, industrious, attracted to sweet and colorful things, quick, adventurous, and well-armed.”
I can’t help smiling. “Yes. It’s been a lot of fun seeing her come to life. Clover asked me if Winsome has a mentor, but I’m not going to give her one. She has to learn how to figure things out on her own.”
“Don’t we all?” Fern returns my smile. “Not to pressure you, but has anything changed for you regarding my job offer? I’ve received a few applications, but I don’t want to hire anyone unless I’m certain you can’t do it. I’d just like to have someone trained before the holidays.”