“Well, she’s very lucky.”
“Let’s hope when I tell my mother she’s going to be a grandma she doesn’t kill us both.”
I burst out laughing. “Maybe you shouldn’t tell her in those words.”
Chastity’s mischievous smile grows. “Oh, but where would the fun in that be?”
In this very moment I see how much she’s like her mother. “Well, leave me out of it. I don’t need your mother pissed at me.”
“Have you spoken to my mom lately?” Chastity asks as she picks up the cat.
In my head, I’ve called her a million times. In my head, I’ve confessed my heart to her and explained how much that kiss meant. However, in reality, I haven’t done any of that.
Mostly because she walked away from me and I don’t want to push. I’m the one who deserted her and I have to earn that trust back.
“Not since the other night when she was here, why?”
“Just wondering.”
I don’t think kids just wonder anything. “Okay.”
“I know she mentioned you were at the bar the night of her big date.”
“Yeah,” I say, turning my back to her, as though I need to clean my instruments. “Did she mention the guy calling her since he never showed up?” Did she mention me?
I’ve been following Teagan’s lead, but my patience is wearing thin. Our kiss that night changed me in some way. I felt alive again and—wanted. Meghan sure as hell didn’t want anything to do with me.
It was never easy for me to admit the state of our marriage. We had come to the agreement that we would live together but live separate lives because whether we liked it or not, we didn’t love each other. Meghan resented me and, in some way, I hated her for taking Teagan out of my life. It was the choice I made, rationally I knew that, but my heart didn’t care.
Then there was this deep desire to find a way to salvage our marriage. Maybe if we tried harder, loved stronger, we could get back to what made us fall in love. It was a lie, no amount of work could repair the damage. For Everly’s sake, neither of us wanted to divorce, so we agreed to stay together until she was off to college. Looking back, I think Everly would’ve been fine. It would’ve been hard for her, but no harder than the coldness she felt in that house. Yet I couldn’t do it.
Thanks to my parents, I still felt the need to be faithful to Meghan. I tried to date once, and I couldn’t bring myself to actually cheat on her. Plus, I didn’t know how to explain it. How do you tell a potential lover that you’re still married but aren’t? You’re just…in limbo.
That’s all over, though. Meghan is gone and there’s a fresh type of guilt because now, I’m free. I can date and no one would bat an eye. I could see if this thing between Teagan and me is real or just a fantasy we’ve both been living in.
“Well, Mom said that she won’t ever talk to that guy again, but she seemed to have had a good time with you.”
“Good, it was nice seeing her.”
“You guys were best friends?”
I nod and turn back to her. “We were.”
“So did you know my father?”
Shit. I have no clue what Teagan has said or not said about Keith. “I’m not sure we should talk about this.”
She gives a sad smile. “I know who he is. I mean, he’s on television each week during football season. Mom has never lied to me about him, but she doesn’t really talk about him either. So I don’t know anything about him.”
I look at this girl and wonder what the hell he could’ve been thinking. She’s a good kid who didn’t do anything wrong. How Keith can walk around knowing a part of himself is out there and not attempt to see her is baffling.
“I knew Keith,” I say carefully. I don’t want to bad-mouth him even though I think he deserves it.
“It’s crazy, right?” She kisses the top of the cat’s head. “I live in the same town as my grandparents and they go out of their way to avoid me. They sort of duck and hide on the other side of the street if they catch sight of me. Then, a few years ago they bought a house for the winter in the South or something. It’s easier to avoid Mom and me in the winter.”
I laugh once, trying to picture it. “I can’t imagine them avoiding either of you very well.”
She shakes her head. “Mom is the best with it. She made it a game.”
“A game?”
Why does that not surprise me?
“She tries to make us run into them and see how fast they get away. It’s really funny.”
“I imagine it is, but it’s also pretty shitty.”
Chastity is a thirteen-year-old girl, not the bubonic plague. Trying to avoid her is ridiculous.
“Yeah, but it is what it is. A part of me is glad they’re not in my life because if I turned out like them or their son that would be the worst thing possible.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
“I guess since I’ve never had them in my life, I don’t know what I’m missing. My mom has made sure that I’ve always known I was wanted by her.”
I look at her, imagining what her life has been and what Teagan’s gone through to provide for her. She’s sacrificed everything. I’ve thought of her so much over the last few years, wondering what Chastity might be like. I should’ve been her fun uncle. I wouldn’t have replaced Keith as her father, but I could’ve been a positive male figure in her life.
The regret fills me.
“She and I stopped talking before you were born, but I can tell you she never wavered on wanting you.”
She smiles with a bit of sadness. “I hate that her life has been so difficult. My sperm donor got to do everything and she’s struggled. It’s why I’m so protective of her and why when Everly…” She bites her lip.
“When Everly attacked her, you stood up for her.” I finish her sentence with pride ringing in my voice. She should defend her mother.
“Yes, but I still should’ve never brought her mother into it. That was really horrible.”
Chastity is wise for her age.
“Well, hopefully the two of you can find a way to get along.”
Her lips form into a thin line. “Hopefully.” She turns, putting the cat in the carrier. “Do you think we can work with the goat again? I think he could use some attention.”
It’s clear she wants to end the conversation, and I’d like the kid to stick around. Not that her mother and I may amount to anything, but because I really like her. There’re not many kids who want to spend their spare time mucking up stalls and taking care of animals.
I was that kid because people…they were work.
“Sure thing. Let’s see if we can give him a bit of fun.”
* * *
I’ve been at my parents’ house for longer than I’d planned. I love my mother, don’t get me wrong, but if she could realize I’m not sixteen anymore, it would make life easier.
Today was the last straw.
She opened my bedroom door, at six in the morning, and started to clean up. She flipped the light on, grabbed the laundry—which I’m perfectly capable of doing my damn self—and then left without a word.