Her heart sped up, but she calmed herself by taking a slow, deep breath. Why was he trying to bait her? Her sisters also seemed to think Mom might have betrayed Dad, which was ridiculous and wrong. She wasn’t about to allow her mother to be torn apart for an act she’d never commit. “She was close to me,” Pris clipped out. “She prided her family above all else. We came first at all times. Plus, she never snuck away to Italy, or left us for any period of time. There’s no way she had an affair.”
Garrett’s mouth softened. “You would have made a great lawyer.”
“There’s only room for one of us to have a thriving career. Don’t you remember?”
She didn’t mean it. His broad shoulders stiffened, and now there was nothing soft about him as he concentrated on his plate. “I remember it differently. I remember you convincing me I was what you wanted.”
Emotion roiled through her in waves. She ached to go to him and be held. To feel safe as she told him every secret of her heart. He’d listen like the old days, and the connection would reignite, giving her something to fight for.
“You were,” she said softly. “I just didn’t realize I’d be competing with another, more important mistress.”
Annoyance flickered over his strong features. “I’ve never cheated on you, Pris.”
“You cheat every night and weekend. Every holiday and canceled vacation.”
He muttered a curse and shook his head. “I can’t do this tonight. Not again.”
He was right. Neither could she. Pris paused, returning to an idea she had considered for the past few days. “I’m thinking I may fly to Italy. To close up the house. Maybe sell it.”
He cocked his head. “When?”
“Soon. There’s no one who needs me here right now, so it’s a good time.”
“What about your work with the foundation? And the library fundraiser you’ve been developing? There’s plenty to do here.”
The familiar unease wrapped around her belly and squeezed. All the stuff she’d busied herself with in the past decade had once given her focus and purpose. Tommy needed her. The charities she worked with needed her. She’d re-created herself into a strong leader in the community, always willing to volunteer, mentor, and run various auctions, fundraisers, or parties. When she’d given up ballet, she’d focused on creating a new woman—one who had purpose and passion. But lately, Pris realized it was like looking at an empty shell. Nothing seemed important anymore. It was like playing a role while she watched at a distance, untouched and unfeeling while she went through the motions like a puppet.
This is your reward for doing it all right, the voice whispered bitterly. You get to stare down the barrel of a full midlife crisis for your big prize! Congratulations!
“They’ll do fine without me,” she said. “We have committees for a reason.”
“How long will you go?”
“Not long. Just enough time to take stock of the house and see if we can figure out who this mysterious R is.”
Garrett hesitated, twirling the fork in his large grip. “Does it really matter anymore, Pris? She’s gone. Maybe it’s best you don’t go digging and find something that you won’t like.”
She blew out a breath. “I owe it to her! Why should her life get picked apart when she did everything right? I refuse to let anyone believe something false that could paint her as a bad wife or mother.”
“Sometimes, lying is the only way to keep what you love together.”
She jerked at the words and stared at her husband. There was something beneath the statement, a hidden meaning. But she also knew if she poked, the answers she discovered might destroy what was left of them. “What you love?” she asked. “Or who?”
He seemed to realize he’d been led deeper into a dialogue he wasn’t ready for. Was that what was happening now? Were they too terrified to drag their troubles into the light because neither of them was ready to face the end?
He dropped his head and concentrated on the food. “I’m just noting we don’t know what your mom’s real story is. And I know things have been tough around here, with more work responsibility and Tommy being gone. Maybe we can just use this summer together to reset. Try and figure things out. Spend some quality time together.”
Suddenly, she was exhausted by the mental games and denial, which were beginning to break her apart. “Is that what you really want, Garrett?” she asked softly. “To be together? Or do we need to talk about something else?”
Her husband jerked his gaze upward, blue eyes wide with surprise. She’d finally asked it aloud. They’d grown so distant these past two years, she wouldn’t know where to begin to find her way back to him. The couple they were when they’d first met, young and passionate and ready to take on the world, had softened into a reality she’d thought she wanted. Now, though, she wasn’t sure.
God, she still did love him. His laugh and his kindness and his sharp wit. She loved the way he looked at his job as something bigger than making money, but actually helping people. Loved the way he interacted with their son and how he cooked her perfect French toast on Sunday mornings, and how he could walk into a room and command it without saying a word.
But lately, it wasn’t enough. She was haunted by her past choices—there was a rising resentment she couldn’t rationalize or wish away. And it wasn’t on him.
It was her.
Odd, that the decisions that gutted your life could barely be seen when looking back. She thought it was often the daily, minute decisions and choices along the way that eroded the foundation to broken crumbles.
“What do you mean?” he asked carefully.
Pris placed her wineglass down. Dragging in a deep breath, she gazed at him and tried to face him honestly. “Things haven’t been good with us in a long time, Garrett.”
His jaw locked. “We’re going through a rough patch. All marriages do.”
“So, we just keep ignoring the issues and it will all go away one morning?”
“I don’t know, Pris. It seems I don’t know much anymore except my wife is unhappy, distant, and recoils when I try and touch her. I’d be happy to hear if you have any other answers.”
The jab hit hard, stealing her breath, but she was tired of pretending. “We don’t even talk,” she said, curling her fingers into a loose fist. “And when we do, it’s like you look through me. I feel like you’re already anticipating my answers and are just biding time until you can escape, either to work or to one of your many golf games, or even those video games you’re addicted to.”
His body stiffened, turning his gaze to stone. “I leave because it’s obvious you don’t want me around. When was the last time we had sex?”