Willow digested Izabel’s words. “Is that why he hasn’t told her about the baby yet?”
“I would guess so. He just told me to keep it to myself and not tell her. I don’t think he’s ready to deal with that anger of feeling abandoned by her.”
Willow considered the dichotomy. Why couldn’t he see that those very feelings of being abandoned as a child were going to be passed down to his own child if Luke didn’t figure his emotional baggage out?
Cerys leaned forward. “I’ve never asked, because it always seemed rude, but why didn’t it affect you in the same way?”
Izabel shrugged. “I don’t know, but my best guess is that I was the one being looked after. I didn’t have responsibilities that should never have been mine dumped on me like he did at nineteen. He made sure I never had to worry about anything. And I know he didn’t love doing it because occasionally he’d get pissed off . . . not at me, just about the situation. Like there was a school trip to a museum, and we all had to pay a fiver to go on the bus, and it was a few days before payday and his van had no petrol. He walked to work for three days so I could go on the trip. And every morning he grumbled about having to walk two miles before he even started work.”
Willow could understand that feeling of doing things you didn’t want to do. It chafed the edges of your soul. They said feeling tired at the end of the day was not because you’d done too much, but because you’d done too little of what sparked joy in your life and soul. And she could see it. Luke had always done the right thing, like he was now. But at the end of the day, he went to bed with that cloud of feeling that his life wasn’t his own.
But he’d never let Iz down.
Despite it all.
And she placed her hand on her stomach. Hopefully he wouldn’t let her and Cletus down, either.
“I think that’s why he’s been so angry,” Izabel said, looking to Chaya. “You remember the number of fights he’s gotten into, the number of times the lads have had to step in to stop him. I don’t think he’s even stopped to process everything that’s happened.”
Chaya nodded in agreement. “Ben says the same thing. Feeling trapped . . . in a job, in a relationship . . . in a family situation . . . is never easy.”
“Alright, I get it,” Willow snapped. “You think I’m the asshole for trapping him again. How it must feel like Groundhog Day for him with another responsibility he doesn’t want.”
“That’s not what I meant, and I’m sorry I was so careless with my word choices there. What the two of you agree to is nothing to do with me.” Chaya slid her arm over Willow’s shoulder. “He’ll come around on this one. I’m sure.”
“He will,” Iz said, reaching for her hand. “He’s a good man, and I’ve really put him through the ringer this year. Was he mad? Yes. Did he say some shit at the time? Yes. But did he come around? Yes. Don’t let him give you any shit. Realise when he’s just scared and feeling like he’s backed into a corner with no options but to do the right thing, versus when he’s just being a dick.”
“When does all that become making excuses for him?” Willow asked.
“Oh, I’m not saying make excuses. When he’s a dick, you just need to call him out. But he likes you. A lot. Everyone sees it. I’d say he’s as scared about being in a long-term relationship as he is about the baby. Because my brother, for all his faults, will make a loyal husband and doting father if he’ll just allow himself to fall in love.”
“Love might be a stretch,” Willow said.
“Can you see yourself in love with Luke?” Zoe asked.
Yes.
The answer formed in her head in an instant. A from-the-gut response. She could. Hell, there was a piece of her that had already begun the slow and steady tumble. They were a perfect fit sexually. Just being around him, she felt a low-grade hum of sexual attraction. But there was something more. His resistance was a battle of wills between his desire and the need to do the right thing. And doing the right thing always won out. It said something about his character that he was willing to put others’ needs first.
And she knew something about feeling trapped. Her father’s contract. Being tied down to his company and needing to fight to escape.
But that made it impossible to fall in love with him. “I could,” she answered honestly. “But I’ll never know if it’s real, or just a function of Luke’s willingness to do the right thing. I can’t fall in love with a guy who thinks a relationship with his baby momma is the right thing for everyone but himself. That would just be foolish. I’m better off not thinking about him that way at all. The right thing isn’t enough. I want the romance.”
But as she stepped out of Chaya’s car and hurried up the stairs to the apartment an hour later, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. And it was driving her mad. Muddled thoughts filled her brain.
Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket. “Hey, Sasha. How are you?”
“I’m good, Willow. Look. Sorry to bother you on a Saturday, but I sent the documents to your father’s lawyers as instructed, laying out what you believe the losses are and what you want compensation for. Today they responded. I think they are going to try and put you under conservatorship.”
“They’re what?” She pushed the door open and stepped inside. Luke stood in the living room. He stuffed his wallet into his back pocket and slipped his arms into a jacket. His eyebrows raised as he saw her. The very word conservator caused her stomach to flip. There had been a famous case, a teen pop star whose father had all but buried her for nearly two decades.
“To paraphrase, he thinks you’re out of your goddamn mind. They are saying you are having a breakdown of some sort. That you flew around the world to escape. That things have gotten too much for you, and you aren’t capable of making good decisions for yourself. That you are blowing off work, which is very unlike you. That they are worried you might harm yourself. They say the alternate to forcing a conservatorship is that you drop what they believe is a claim without merit, come home, and check yourself into a wellness rehab.”
“Isn’t that what they did to that singer? She lost control of everything.”
“I know who you’re referring to, and we would make sure that doesn’t happen to you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me. You know that.” She dropped onto the chair and placed her head in her hand. Luke placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Who could she call for witnesses if they did? Riley. John and Kelly for sure. Luke? “Where does my mom stand in all this?”
“Your dad wouldn’t need your mom’s permission to file. But you tell me, would your mom go along with something like this?”
“I want to say no, but honestly, I think she might.”
“You okay, flower?” he mouthed.
She shook her head. “What happens next?”
He pulled out the chair next to hers and rubbed his hand on her back. It was reassuring. Kind. But memories of drinks with the girls came to mind. He’d always do the right thing.
Sasha sighed. “For now, I suggest you stay where you are. I think you should inform them of the pregnancy and that you and Luke are making plans to stay together. It would remove part of their reasoning, that you flew off on a whim because you are unstable. Instead, you flew to discuss your pregnancy with the father which is way more logical. They don’t need to know about the contract, in fact, it’s better if they don’t. Although at some point, it could actually prove shrewd thinking and definitive action to save your career rather than trash it.”