I’m done for the evening.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
FORD
Beep.
Damn it. I should have known she wasn’t going to answer.
“Larkin, it’s me.” I push my hand through my hair as I walk the length of my room at the inn. “I know you’re not answering me right now, but I want to make sure you got to Beau’s okay. I also want to apologize. I don’t want to do this over the phone. I want to do this in person. I want to be able to hold your hand and look you in the eyes and tell you how sorry I am. That was not how I wanted the evening to go, and I know I deserve a lot of the blame. Please call me. Please come to the inn; please tell me how I can fix this. Okay, have a good night. Bye.”
I hang up and toss my phone at my bed before sinking down against the wall and onto the floor, my hands tightly gripping my hair.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
PALMER
Knock. Knock.
I bounce back and forth on my feet, nervous, ashamed, fearful of what’s going to happen.
The door cracks open, and Beau stands on the other side, barely opening it.
“Palmer, what are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you.”
He glances behind him. “Now’s not a good time.”
“You left me,” I say, not caring if this is a good time or not. “I really needed you back there.”
“And Larkin needed me,” he counters. “She’s my sister.”
“So, if we were in a serious relationship, would you choose your sister over me as well?”
“It’s not choosing one or the other.”
“Yes, it is,” I say, my voice rising. “I was having a hard time too.”
“You were instigating the entire thing,” Beau snaps, his anger flaring. “You were a different person tonight, Palmer. You gave no thought to the fact that you were ruining everyone’s night, ruining our night. It was a side of you I didn’t care for. You might not agree with your brothers, but they’re family and you should treat them better than you did tonight. Frankly, it’s not something I wanted to be a part of.”
“What?” I ask, surprised. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying . . .” He pauses and glances down at his bare feet. “I’m saying that this isn’t going to work out between us. I thought I knew what I wanted, and there were moments when you were the amazing person I knew many years ago, but you also . . . hell, Palmer, you don’t know what you’re doing with your life.”
“And you’re going to punish me for that?”
“No. I was more than happy to help you find your next chapter, but you haven’t done anything to move toward that next chapter. Instead, you’ve gone around terrorizing your brothers. I don’t want to be a part of that.”
“I see.” I take a step back, feeling nauseated. “Well, I’m sorry that I don’t have my shit together.” My eyes well up and a tear rolls down my cheek. “And I’m sorry that I made you feel like any less than you deserve.” I wipe at my eye and take a step back. “And I’m sorry that I dragged you into the mess that is my life. Every part of my life, including the past.”
He sighs in frustration and opens the door a little wider. “Palmer—”
“No.” I shake my head and take another step back. “You’re right. I don’t have my shit together, and why would someone like you, who knows exactly what they want, want anything to do with me?”
“It’s not that I don’t want you, because I do.” He slips through the door and quietly shuts it behind him. “You know I want something special with you, but Jesus Christ, tonight was frustrating. That was not how I expected the evening to go, and the way you were acting . . . it felt vengeful and wrong. You’re better than that, Palmer.”
“Maybe I’m not,” I say, the truth of the sentence hitting me harder than expected. “Maybe this is who I am.” Maybe, I realize with a sick pang, this is the level I need to get comfortable with now. Rock bottom.
“You and I both know that’s not the case. You’re just lost.”
“I am lost.” I wipe at a tear. “I’m lost with no direction. And I know it’s not your responsibility, but I was hoping you were going to help me. You were the only bright thing in my life. I thought you were my port in the storm, but now you’re abandoning me to drown without a life preserver.”
He grips the back of his neck tightly in frustration. “I don’t think I can do anything to help you, Palmer. This is on you. You’re the only one who can find the solution.”
“You don’t think you can do anything, or you don’t want to?”
He lets out a deep breath and closes the space between us, cupping my cheek. “When you came back to Marina Island and looked at me with these jade-green eyes, you know I was sold. You know I wanted nothing more than to have you, like I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. But I don’t think we can take this any further until you’re ready. As much as it pains me, you’re not ready.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” he answers. “If you don’t figure out what you want, who you are, then you’re going to get lost in me, and that’s not the kind of relationship I want with you. You’re bright, Palmer. You’re a shining light—you’re just dimmed right now. You need to figure out how to turn up your light again.” Leaning in, he presses a kiss to my forehead before disappearing inside his apartment.
More tears stream down my face as I stand there, staring at his closed door.
How am I supposed to find myself . . . when I loathe myself?
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
COOPER
Cooper: Did you make it home okay?
Nora: What do you think?
Cooper: I’m going to guess yes.
Nora: You guessed right.
Cooper: Can I call you?
Nora: I’d suggest not doing that right now.
Cooper: I want to apologize about tonight.
Nora: I figured as much, but I’m exhausted and I’m not in the mood, Cooper.
Cooper: I understand. But I am sorry.
Nora: I’m sure you are. I’m currently draped across my couch in my lingerie I wore for you, eating some ice cream.
Cooper: Fuck. I hate myself.
Nora: Once again, as you should.
Cooper: Are you going to let me take you out again?
Nora: Honestly, I don’t know. Tonight was an absolute disaster. I’m not sure I’m ready to be a part of that.
Cooper: They’re only here temporarily.
Nora: But they aren’t temporarily in your life. You’ve worked so hard at learning how to communicate your feelings, but they are a big trigger for you, a trigger that makes you revert to your old ways. They’re your brother and sister, and at some point you’re going to have to figure out how to effectively communicate with them.
Cooper: There’s too much history.
Nora: That’s what families are . . . history. They’re not perfect. They’re twisted and ugly at times, but it’s how you navigate through those twisted and ugly times that strengthens the bonds you have with them. Your bonds are threadbare at this point.