I can’t help what happens next. The energy around us is making the choices, creating the scene. We are mere puppets in the universe.
I stare at her pouty, glossed lips and lean in, desperate to taste them, to see if they fit into mine as perfectly as I think they will. I watch her take a deep breath and close her eyes. She licks her lips in anticipation. She’s inviting me in. I part my lips, ready to burn in hell when an all too familiar voice begins to echo in the previously barren hallway.
Her sharp intake of breath just barely caresses my ears when I push myself off the wall, stumbling back and away from her. We don’t even have time to process what was about to happen or gather ourselves before Adrianna walks through the door.
“Oh, pardon me, Tristan, I wasn’t aware you were in a meeting.” She looks between us, but settles her eyes on me.
“We are finished. Miss Morgan was just stopping by to ask a question about a paper topic I have assigned, as well as the open TA position...” I clear my throat and look toward Nora.
“Yes. Professor Griffin. I think Professor Sloane and I understand each other’s points of view much better now. Thank you for the time and perspective, Professor Sloane. I will ponder what you said very carefully and consider your offer. It was nice to see you, Professor Griffin.” Nora calmly collects her bag from the chair and disappears into the inner workings of the building like Belle into the forest of trees.
The lump stuck in my throat and the rock arching between my thighs make any bit of thought or movement beyond difficult. “Did you...did you need me, Anna?”
“Is everything all right? You seem a little,” she waves her hand toward me, “on edge.”
I nearly want to laugh. In fact, I have to actively hold it in. On edge hardly begins to cover exactly what I am. If she commits, she’s the one I want, in more ways than one.
Nora
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
It’s the only word I can manage as I run out of the building and across the quad. I can’t even begin to compute what just happened. I intended on calling him on his shit, then we almost ended up kissing in his office with the damn door open. Holy shit. I don’t know what would have happened had Professor Griffin not shown up. Would he have done it? Would I? I know the answer to that in an instant. I totally would have.
It’s been weeks since I saw him watching me in the park. I took all that time to build up the courage to confront him about it and poof… I’m putty in his hand.
There is something so seductive about him. His voice. His stature. His accent. The smile he tries to hide, but the one I’ve seen a dozen times. I’m afraid though. I’m afraid of the seemingly just under the surface anger. Nothing scares me more than that. That’s a scar that never heals. I need Lucas to get here now, like now, to pick me up. I’m afraid if he doesn't, Professor Sloane will come after me, or worse, I will run back to his office to finish what we almost started.
“Your chariot awaits, m’dear.”
Lucas’ voice has never been more needed.
“Thank God!” I semi-shout and grab his hand. “You have no idea how happy I am that you’re early.”
“Holy shit. Did something happen? I know it’s not just because of my face. I haven’t even showered yet today.” He laughs. Normally I would too, but today, I don’t think it’s possible. “Okay, you’re freaking me out. I can feel a tremble in your hand. What? Tell me.”
“Not here,” I look around and tug his hand, “anywhere but here.”
I practically drag him across campus, purposefully going the long way to his car to avoid going near the building I was just in. I can’t risk seeing him. I just can’t.
“Nora, slow down. I didn’t sign up for an extra workout today.”
“I can’t see him again. I just can’t. Please, just keep up. Open the car. Please, just open it.”
The soft sound of a beep is the best thing in the world. I toss my bag in the back seat. I see Lucas’s hoodie and claim it for myself. I whip the hood over my head not only in a hopeless attempt to conceal my identity from the outside world, but also to hide my would-be shame, only I’m not ashamed at all.
“Talk to me, because the longer you’re silent, the more I feel like I’m going to have to kick someone’s ass, and you know I’d do anything for you. Nora… is this about him?”
I know instantly who he’s speaking of and just the thought of him makes my blood turn cold.
“No.” I shake my head. “Don’t talk like that. It’s not like that at all.”
“Then tell me what is going on.”
“Okay, but first of all, you have to swear on everything you won’t judge me. If you can’t then I’m not saying a goddamn word. Swear it!”
“Jesus, if it will get you to tell me actual words, I will promise you anything. What the fuck is going on? Please don’t make me ask again.”
From the confines of the hoodie, I break into my confession. “I almost just kissed my professor.”
The silence lasts so long that I’m not even certain he heard me, but it becomes very clear, very quickly he has. “I’m sorry, what the fuck did you just say? Your professor? Which one? How the fuck does that even happen? What do you mean?”
His words come out in a confused flurry.
“Look, if I understood it myself, I don’t think I’d be reacting this way. Remember me telling you while we were falling asleep that night about the guy at the bar?”
“The old coot with the accent that was being a watchy asshole then you let him dance with you?”
“Okay, first of all, not old. Secondly, not old. Third...I didn’t mind.”
“Yeah, I heard all these things that night through my buzz. But what does that have to do with this professor?”
I pull on the strings of his hoodie. “They’re the same man. Fuck. I went to his office to talk to him about a few things, then instead, we nearly kissed”
“What in the hell would possess you to do that? Wait, hold on. This isn't about you trying to kiss him, is it? It’s about him wanting you to do it. Am I right?”
I sneak a glance at him then nod my head, admitting the one thing that I absolutely did not want to admit. “Yes, I wanted to do it. Like, really, really wanted to.”
“Okay, umm, wow.” He shifts in his seat and places his hands on the wheel, but just lets them rest there. “Well, first of all, wanting things like that isn’t bad. You know this, right?”
“I shouldn’t want anyone. I don’t want to want anyone. He’s my professor. I’m his student. This is bad for both of us. He’s at least a decade older than me. I swore… I fucking swore I’d never go back there again. Why do I always do this to myself? Why?”
“Just breathe. You’re making this worse by hyperventilating. One has nothing to do with the other. They will not all be like him. They won’t. I can guarantee that.”
“I told myself to just get through school. That is the goal. The secondary goal is to get enough jobs to pay my way yet stay under the radar. I just want to be normal, feel normal. Is that too much to ask?”
“Look at me,” he says before gently taking my chin in his hand and forcing my gaze over. It’s hard not to settle a little when I see his eyes. The comfort of your best friend cannot be duplicated. “Having a crush is the most normal thing you could do, isn’t it? However, babe, I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t at least tell you to be careful. Not for your safety, but for your heart.”