As soon as I see the inside lights on, I can’t believe I didn’t check here first. Back when this building was just a shack in the woods, it used to be Jami’s favorite hideout. I can’t even remember the number of times he and I would steal booze from our parents and sneak into the woods, only to find ourselves here, chuckling about some dumb-ass thing our little brothers had done that day. And if I wasn’t with him, then it was his grade-school friend Violet. I always wondered if more was going on between them, but he always insisted that they were just friends.
I push open the door to find Jami sitting at the far end of the bar, his gaze transfixed out the window. There’s nothing but woods in that direction, but something tells me it holds meaning for him.
“Not sure why this was the last place I looked.”
Jami swivels slightly in his chair, appearing surprised by my entrance. He lets out a single laugh. “Ain’t that always how it goes?” He tips his chin up. “You’ve done a hell of a lot with this place, brother. I’m proud of you.”
My chest tightens at his words that hold more meaning than he can ever realize. Unfortunately, those same words don’t heal the wounds his absence created, but I’m willing to try to move past it. “Thanks, Jami.”
“I mean,” he starts, while letting his gaze travel, “this isn’t exactly how I imagined it.” He shrugs. “But it works.”
What the fuck? “Maybe if you had been around, it would have been closer to what you had pictured,” I snap. “I did my best, okay? I did my fucking best after you all abandoned me to go live your own lives like this place never even existed.”
He slams his eyes closed and shakes his head. “Jesus, Andy. I wasn’t trying to insult you. I know I haven’t been around.” He gives a wave of his hand. “This is all yours now. Do with it what you want.”
The nonchalance in his tone stirs the anger inside me. “Unfortunately, this camp is not all mine. It’s ours, whether you still want it or not. I’m just… trying to keep the dream alive, I guess.”
Silence stretches between us, and I don’t know if I should walk away or stay until I get to the bottom of why Jami is really here, because he wouldn’t have any work to conduct on this island, and he sure as hell wouldn’t pop on by to check on me. Something else is up. If he’s not going to come right out and tell me, then I’ll figure it out another way. “Have you heard from Benson?”
Jami shakes his head, his eyes glazing over. “No. I used to get my updates from Mom, but she hasn’t heard from him in years. I can’t even track him down online.”
Maybe it’s having Hope by my side, but while I know Benson is the wild child of the bunch, I’ve never worried about him in that way. “He’s gonna be okay, Jami. He has to be.”
Jami’s jaw ticks. “That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe I should hire a private investigator or something.”
Something kicks in my chest. “You that worried?”
He shrugs. “I’m always worried.”
I frown. “Could have fooled me.”
Jami rolls his eyes and says nothing.
“How long are you staying?”
“I don’t know.” He looks at me. “I don’t have to be back in Seattle until next week. Maybe I’ll stick around here, if that’s okay.”
“Of course that’s okay. It’s your home too.”
He nods. “Kinda figured you’d say that. Thanks, brother.” He opens his mouth to speak then slams it shut again. A second later, he’s opening it again. His nostrils flare before he averts his gaze. “You ever get the feeling our family is cursed? The way we fell apart. The way we lost… everything.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. We lost Ty. And it was the worst fucking tragedy any of us could have ever imagined. But it was our choices after he left this world that tore us apart. No one had to walk away.”
There’s so much pressure building behind my eyes, but I’m doing my damnedest not to shed a tear. Jami doesn’t understand that kind of emotion. He was always the toughest brother, keeping his feelings on lockdown so that no one could read his moods, calling any of us a pansy if we expressed any type of feelings, one way or the other.
“Maybe you’re right,” he says. “But you were there. We all tried.”
I shake my head, letting out a frustrated laugh. “We put up a charade to make it look like we were okay. None of us were okay. Not even close. None of us dealt with Ty’s death. At least not in the way we should have. We bottled it up for far too long, and it exploded in our faces.”
Jami’s entire expression hardens, and I know he won’t even consider my words. He never does. In Jami’s mind, the damage is done, and nothing is left to salvage. Then again, there must be some nugget of love for this family still in him, because he’s here. He didn’t have to come.
I chew on my own thoughts for a few minutes while Jami lifts himself off the stool and leans over the bar. He snags a bottle of Jack and two tumblers then sets them on the table.
“I don’t want to talk about the past.” He meets my gaze while exhaling a deep breath. “Let’s drink.”
I nod, ignoring the clock on the wall telling me it’s definitely still morning. But I guess time doesn’t matter when you’ve lost too much of it to begin with.
“So, tell me about your girl. Hope.” His lips pop on her name. “We could all use a little Hope right now, couldn’t we?” He nudges me and winks.
I stiffen and glare in return. “You’re going to have to find your own. This one’s all mine.”
Jami chuckles. “Until she realizes just how small this place is and decides to get the hell out of dodge like the rest of us.”
Anger sparks in my chest at a joke he probably doesn’t even realize was a deep jab into an open wound. Before I can snap back with something clever, he’s already at it again.
“You in love with her?”
A few beats pass, but not because I need to think of my answer. Giving my brother some delayed gratification feels nice right about now. “Yeah. I haven’t told her yet, but she knows.”
“You should tell her,” Jami says almost sourly. “Don’t wait. Time’s too precious for that. Maybe then you’ll have a chance of her stickin’ around.”
I look at my brother, who’s already halfway done with his tumbler. His attitude seems to be coming from someplace dark, but I know him well enough to know he won’t bleed a word of that darkness. He keeps it buried, locked up, and airtight, so his skeletons can never escape.
His words still swirl around that wound like a whirlpool threatening to drown every ounce of happiness I’ve felt in the past week since Hope has been back. Because my family is proof that it doesn’t matter how much you love something or someone. There are no guarantees that they’ll stick around for the long haul.
He looks at me again, studying me. “So, tell me how you two got together.”
Shoving my doubts back down into my chest, I hold up my glass and push out a half smile. “She started working here four years ago and became my activities director.” I lower my glass and swirl the liquid some. “From the moment I met her, I just wanted to be around her. I’d find any excuse to be with her, yet I was too scared and stupid to let her know. Instead, I pushed her away, and she left last year.” I shake my head. “A week ago, she showed up again.”