“Stella is too, but she’s better at keeping up a front. Ridge cries himself to sleep every night and it’s heartbreaking.”
“I want to be here for you, but I don’t know how,” he says, picking up a fork.
“Just continue being there for West. That’s the best way you can help me right now.”
28
VANDER
I spend an uncomfortable night at Kendall’s house. Every time I turn over in my sleep, pain stabs me along my side, crushing my lungs and making breathing difficult. I wake gasping for air with sweat plastering hair to my brow. There is no question of me attending school even though I hate the absence on my record. “Mom called the principal,” West confirms when he stops into the room to check on me before he leaves. “And she’s taken a personal day from work to take care of you. I offered to stay home, but she wouldn’t let me.”
“I don’t want anyone taking time off work or school. I can take care of myself. It’s not like I’m completely incapacitated.”
“You know my mom. She’d never leave you alone in that state.”
“It looks worse than it is.”
West chuckles. “Bullshit, but I get it. I fucking hate getting injured and having to limit what I can do.”
“Begone with you.” Kendall appears in the hallway behind West. “You’re going to be late if you don’t leave now.”
“I’m going.” West pulls his mom into a hug. “Thanks for taking care of Vander. You’re one in a million, Mom.”
Kendall is quiet as she steps into the room, carrying a tray. “I have breakfast.” She rounds the bed just as the front door slams. Setting the tray on the floor, she helps me to sit upright in the bed. I try to push her away, but I’m in considerable pain, and she’s having none of it. “Stop resisting. You’re hurt, and you need to let me take care of you.”
“I don’t want you doing that.” I snatch her hand, and she sits on the edge of the bed. “I don’t want to be a burden or a responsibility. I’m not one of your kids.” She flinches, and it’s probably not the best choice of words, but I need to get this off my chest. “I want to be your best friend, your confidant, your lover, your everything. But never a burden.”
“Vander.” She gently cups my cheek. “You could never be a burden, and it’s not like that. Not at all. It’d be easier if I did consider you like one of my kids, but my thoughts about you are the complete opposite.” Her hand lowers from my cheek, and her face contorts. “Honestly, you even saying that grosses me out.”
I emit a quiet chuckle. “I just want to ensure we’re on the same page.”
“I’m looking after you because that’s what you do when someone you care about needs help.”
I’m not going to lie. Her use of the word care instead of love hurts, but I can’t make this about me any more than it already is. And I am grateful for everything she’s doing to help me. “Thank you.”
“I like having you here.” She lifts the tray table, placing it over my lap. “Though it’s not conducive to a good night’s sleep.” A rosy hue blooms on her cheeks. “It was hard to think about anything else but you being in the room just down the hall.”
“I know the feeling. Even the pain couldn’t stop those thoughts from entering my mind.”
“Eat.” She lifts a fork, placing it in my hand. Her soft hand caresses my skin as she curls my fingers around the handle, sending warmth shooting up my arm. “Then you can take more pain pills, and I will run you a bath. I’ll put some Epsom salts in it. That should help with healing.”
“Thank you.” I cut up my omelet and shovel a piece in my mouth. “This is delicious,” I say when I have finished chewing. “Aren’t you having any?”
“I ate with the kids. I’m just going to clean up and then I’ll come back to check on you.” Tentatively, she leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to my brow. “I’m glad you’re all right, Vander. I was really worried.”
“I’m stronger than you think, and I’ll be back on my feet in no time.”
Kendall returns when I have finished every morsel on my plate and swallowed my pain meds. She helps me into the main bathroom where the tub is already filled and ready for me. I may have played up my inability to walk unaided so I could feel her lithe body against mine and the touch of her arm around my bare back. “Uh, do you need any help undressing?” she asks, her cheeks staining with a blush again.
I could probably do it, gritting my teeth through the pain, but this is too good of an opportunity to waste.
I said I wouldn’t push Kendall.
That doesn’t mean I won’t give her a nudge here and there.
“Yeah. I don’t think I can pull my shorts down without it hurting.” West helped me out of my sweats last night, giving me a pair of his training shorts to wear as they were more comfortable to sleep in.
Her tongue darts out, wetting her tempting lips as she eyeballs me. “No funny business, Vander.”
I shoot her my most innocent smile. “Me? As if.” My smile expands, and I can almost hear her heart beating furiously in her chest.
“Brace a hand on the sink to steady yourself,” she says, purposely moving behind me. I suck in a gasp the second her warm hands move to the waistband of my shorts, her fingers skimming against the skin on my lower back.
“That’s a big tattoo.” She trails her fingers up my spine to the words inked in a curve along the top of my back, from one shoulder blade to the other. “You become what you love.” The tips of her fingers trace along the words as she reads them, and her touch has the usual effect on me. I’m tingling all over, barely feeling any pain, except in my dick, which is hard as a rock and throbbing. “Is that Marcus Aurelius?”
“Yes,” I croak, struggling to breathe over the riot of sensations her touch ignites in my body.
“You really liked the book.”
“I do. So much of what he says resonates with me.”
“I love that, and I love this quote. It’s perfect. Did it hurt?” She continues to run her fingers lightly across the tattoo.
“Not really. This will make me sound like a masochist, but I love the feel of the needle on my skin when I’m getting inked. The pain confirms I’m alive, and getting my own designs etched on my skin reminds me I’m the one in control of me. I’m responsible for this pain, and it’s freeing. It’s a powerful feeling. I’m probably not explaining it right—just it’s a surreal experience getting tattooed. There’s this kind of…reverence about the entire thing. I feel at peace when I’m there. It’s quiet, except for the sound of the machine and my own thoughts, and I enjoy it.”
There’s a pregnant pause before she speaks. “Wow, that was very eloquent.” Her warm breath fans across my upper back as her fingers go on the move. “I have never thought about it like that. I used to talk about getting a tattoo, but Curtis didn’t approve, so I forgot about the idea. But now.” She moves to my side, her fingers grazing up my arm as she examines the ink there. “Now, I might reconsider.”