“That I don’t need lessons.” I lean in to add in a softer voice, “None of what you were saying came as news to me. I know how to flirt and communicate and set boundaries, I just need to work up the courage to actually do it. That’s what I need help with—testing my knowledge. Practice. But I need to start with training wheels on, so I don’t crash and burn. And that’s where you come in.”
“I’m the training wheels?” he asks, turning to murmur, “Thank you,” as our server drops the check on her way by.
“Yes!” I say, forcing what I hope is an easy smile. “A couple weeks of practice with someone I know I can trust—a friend who won’t make me self-conscious if I mess up or make fun of my beginner questions—is all I need. Then I’ll be ready to leave the nest and you’ll have your Whitney rebound out of the way and be ready to get back on the dating horse for real. It’s a win-win.”
His brow furrows. “Yeah, in theory, I guess, but things are always more complicated in the real world, Evie. And sex makes them even more complicated. Besides, your first time should be—”
“Special and beautiful and perfect, blah, blah,” I cut in with a roll of my eyes. “Yeah, I know. It should be all those things, I agree, but I haven’t met the man who’s up for helping me with all that yet, Ian, and it might be a good long while before I do. Most of the guys in this city aren’t looking for a long-term relationship and the few who are don’t want to start one with the world’s oldest virgin.”
His expression softens. “You’re not the world’s oldest virgin. Cam and Jess are right there with you.”
“Cam and Jess are both younger than I am by several months. And that’s not the point. The point is that I won’t feel comfortable having sex for the first time until I establish trust with my partner. But no one wants to stick around long enough to establish the amount of trust I, as an ancient virgin who’s built this virginity molehill into a mountain in her head, need to finally take the plunge. It’s a vicious circle, Ian, and there’s only one way out.”
“A professional matchmaker,” he says. “I hear they do good work. I could loan you the money for a consultation if you—”
“No, not a matchmaker. That would be another high-stress situation. I’d have to worry about meeting someone new and whether we like each other and how much money I was wasting on dating instead of concentrating on the part I’m still struggling with. I need a friend with benefits to help me learn the ropes. And you’re the only guy friend I have who’s super experienced and knows what he’s doing.” I motion vaguely over my shoulder. “You know. In the bedroom.”
“I knew what you meant,” he says, a light in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “But I want to know…what’s your plan B?”
I blink. “Plan B?”
“I know you, Evie. When you want something, you don’t give up. So, assume I’ve said ‘no,’ and there’s no way to change my mind. What’s next?”
I pull in a breath and let it out slowly. “Well, I guess I’ll have to find someone else. Not Cam, of course. Not only do we live together, but as two virgins, that would be like the blind leading the blind. So…I don’t know. I could try to track down one of my exes from college, see if they’re up for helping me out.”
My synapses fire. “Or maybe one of the other guys from the team. I’m really starting to like a few of them, and once I’m no longer their therapy leader, it wouldn’t be a conflict of interest,” I say, warming to the idea even as Ian’s scowl digs deeper into his forehead. “And most of them are so busy with their careers and sleeping their way through the puck bunny population that they’d be fine with something casual but honest with a friend. Plus, I already know some of their personal issues, so we’d already have a certain level of intimacy and trust. It could be perfect.”
The muscle in Ian’s jaw twitches. “Not going to happen.”
“It could,” I say. “I mean, probably not with Sassy Sven, since he thinks I look like a sheep, but—”
“Stay away from him, Evie. He’s the biggest slut on the team and brags about how he never uses a condom. You could get an STD just from standing too close to that guy.”
I point a finger at his face. “See! This is why I need someone I can trust, who won’t give me cooties or break my heart. Come on, Ian. It won’t be weird, I promise.”
“It would totally be weird, Evie.” He drags a hand through his hair as he mutters, “So fucking weird.”
“But I…” I gather my courage and force out, “I thought you liked the kiss. You seemed like you liked it.”
“I did like it,” he says in a soft, husky voice that sends electricity dancing across my skin. “But Derrick would be so hurt and angry, Evie. If he ever found out I—”
“He won’t find out,” I jump in, my heart fluttering madly behind my ribs. This crazy plan might actually be working. Ian might actually say “yes”! “How would he find out? We’re both adults. We know how to keep private things private. And if we decide to practice flirting in public, we can go to Queens or something. You know how much Derrick hates Queens.”
Ian mumbles something unintelligible beneath his breath as his hands ball into fists on the table.
Reminding myself that fortune favors the brave, I reach out, covering both of his hands with mine as I whisper, “Please, Ian. I need you. You’re the only one who can help me with this, and who knows… You might end up having an okay time. Maybe I won’t be as bad at sex as you think.”
His gaze shifts sharply up, locking with mine. “I don’t think you’ll be bad at sex, Evie. Hell…ever since that kiss…” His tongue sweeps across his bottom lip, making my heart beat even faster. “I’ve been imagining things I shouldn’t be imagining.”
My eyes go wide. “Yeah? Like…what?”
“Things like my mouth all over you and what kind of sounds you’ll make when you come,” he says in a frank voice that does nothing to lessen the impact of his words. “When I make you come.”
A gulp-squeak escapes my throat and Ian’s lips twitch up on one side.
“Not the sound I was imagining,” he says. “But okay.”
I cough on air and reach for my water glass, but just as quickly decide I’d probably choke on water, too, and set it back down. “No, I don’t… At least I don’t think…” I clear my throat more forcefully. “I’m pretty sure that’s not the sound I make when I…you know.”
“Come?” he offers. “Orgasm? Climax?”
I nod quickly, fighting to swallow past the lump in my throat.
Ian lets out a soft laugh. “Yeah, Evie, the fact that you can’t even say those words out loud doesn’t give me a lot of confidence in this plan. If you’re not ready to say it in front of me, then you’re not ready to do it in front of me.”
“Yes, I am,” I insist, even as an anxious voice in my head warns he’s probably right. “It’s just that we’re in public. There are people around who could hear.”