A sob bubbles in her chest, fighting its way out. “I could never see him the same way again. It was like he’d turned into a monster before my eyes. An hour earlier, we were eating dessert, talking, and laughing, and then he morphed into the devil. It felt like a betrayal, you know?”
I can’t relate to that because in my own experiences, Savio was always the devil.
But I can empathize.
I know how it feels to realize who and what your father is, and what he’s capable of.
I also know how it feels to flee because you can’t stand to face the reality for a second longer.
“I’m sorry you had to see that.” I pause. “And yeah, I know what you mean.”
“Have you ever had to deal with something like that? Something where you felt like one of the people you trusted most hurt you the deepest?”
My own memories curdle in my brain, an icy hand snaking around my throat and squeezing so that drawing in a breath is nearly impossible.
“I do,” I choke. “And it sucks.”
She wrings her hands in her lap as we near Lugo’s club. I know what she needs right now and it’s more than just empathy.
Kristina need to hear that she’s not alone, that there is something drawing us closer aside from pure, animal lust.
And I want to give that to her.
Maybe because I feel the same way.
“My father was a real asshole when I was growing up. Controlling, manipulative, abusive.” My fingers tighten around the leather steering wheel. “He was horrible to my mother. Cheated on her for years. She drank a lot because she couldn’t handle it. I tried to protect her the best I could, taking beatings daily. She never tried to save me from him, though. She cowered, letting him hurt me over and over again.”
The piercing screams, the crashes of glass against tile, the explosion of gunshots…all of the horrifying sounds ring out once I pull open the lid of Pandora’s Box. The toxic contents swirl through me like thick clouds of dark smoke that pollute my soul.
“Oh my God,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
“She finally left. One night after he almost killed her, she ran. By herself. She left me there with that monster. I was just a kid.”
“Massimo…” Kristina’s hand tentatively grazes my arm. “You poor thing.”
“Don’t say that,” I growl, shaking off her grip. I ignore the shock and dismay on her face. “I don’t need your pity. He thought I was weak, but I wasn’t. I was strong for two people, one of whom which didn’t give a damn about me because she left without a look back. She saved herself, so I did the same. I went on my own and worked my ass off to get where I am.”
“Do you see them anymore?”
“No.”
It’s partly true.
I haven’t seen or spoken to my mother since she walked out that night.
She obviously wanted to put her entire past behind her.
I decided I didn’t want to let my past poison my future, so I never reached out either.
I took a page out of her playbook and never looked back.
And I was fine with that plan until fucking Savio yanked me back into the murk I’ve been trying to evade for so long.
“Looks like neither of us really got over things, huh?”
I swing my steering wheel to the right, heading down West 4th Street. Lugo’s place is halfway down on the left. I pull into a spot just as a Toyota Prius heads away from the curb, determined to fit my car into the space since it was a miracle that I found it at all. I throw the car into Park, take a deep breath, and look at Kristina.
“I will never let myself fall into the trap of giving a damn about that part of my life. As far as I’m concerned, my life started the day I left my old one. My father was a hateful prick, and I hope he rots in hell for everything he did to me and my mom. He was a tormentor, a vicious man who didn’t give a damn about anything but power. He exerted it over others and got them to bend to his will. If he couldn’t, he’d find a way to punish you. I got over him the day I walked out of his house, the day I took that power and control away from him.”
Kristina’s brows knit together. “Massimo,” she says softly. “You obviously haven’t gotten over your past. You’re so tense and angry. I mean, how can you—?”
“Stop,” I shout. “Don’t tell me what I do and don’t feel.” I capture one of her wrists in my hand and draw her close. “Your father may have hidden things from you to keep you safe. He may have been a different man than you knew. But he loved you. He protected you. And he made sure that nothing could hurt you. My father did none of that. He hated me. And I fucking hated him.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’re right. I don’t know how you feel. I shouldn’t have assumed.”
I let go of her, raking a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry,” I say gruffly. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I just…have a lot on my mind and talking about it…” I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Okay.” She turns to look out the window. “Are we here?”
“Yeah.” I stick my gun into the back of my pants and get out of the car, walking around to let her out. She runs her hands over her arms, staring at the entrance to the club. “We’re going in there?”
A sharp pain shoots up my spine, gripping me by the back of the head. I know taking her in is a mistake, but I need my eyes on her at all times. I’ll just have her huddle in a corner while I try to talk Lugo off a ledge. It’ll be dark and she’ll be shielded from curious and deviant eyes.
I pull open the door, ushering her inside.
The entryway is dark, just like the rest of the place. Red and purple strobe lights flash overhead, illuminating the stage while the rest of the space is plunged into darkness.
Perfect for anonymity purposes, which is what Eddie’s patrons desperately crave when they’re jacking off to dancers before it’s even lunchtime.
“Listen,” I mutter against her hair once we’re inside the den of sin and sex. “I need to find someone, but you need to sit tight while I do, okay?”
She nods, her eyes brimming with questions I’d guess she’s debating about whether or not to ask.
Knowing her, they’ll come later, faster than speeding bullets that I’ll need to deflect, as usual.
We creep past the bar where one blonde in a skimpy tank top cleans some glasses. Music pulsates, vibrating the floor beneath our feet. I watch Kristina take in the scene — the topless waitresses, the dancers naked and gyrating up and down thick metal poles across the stage, and the few scattered men watching with rapt attention.
I settle her into a corner, the most secluded one I can find. Then I head toward the bartender who greets me with a bright smile. “What can I get you, love?” she purrs.
“Where’s Eddie?”
She cocks her bleached blonde head to the side, flashing a sultry smile at me. “He’s not here yet.”
“I saw his car out front,” I lie. He’s not stupid enough to park it out front, but I’m banking on her not being smart enough to know that.
Her heavily made-up eyes widen and I smile to myself.