The words go straight through me like a hot knife, and I can’t speak.
“Take me home.”
I love her enough to give her what she wants, at least for now. I’ll take her to her grandparents and let her check on them, but I’m not giving up so easily. She thinks she can’t give me what she wants? She’s afraid right now, and it’s my job to be brave enough for the both of us.
“It’s cold outside,” I say and reach for her hand. She comes to me easily, and I wrap my arms around her. “Stay with me, and you’ll be warm.”
She looks at my mouth, and I can’t stop myself from leaning down and giving her one soft kiss.
“Wilder,” she whispers against my lips, and I pray it’s not the last time she does that.
“I’m right here, baby. And I always will be.”
Chapter Thirteen
BRI
I close my eyes, breathing Wilder in. There’s something about him that’s so calming, and it’s been there since the beginning.
This is all so crazy. He loves me. How is that possible? We barely know each other, but I saw my own parents. They fell madly in love with each other quickly, and the two of them had a love that I always wanted to have one day. It’s something I dreamed of having.
That was until I experienced loss and my heart was ripped in two. Losing them was devastating, and I don’t think I could bear to go through something like that again. Tears start to slip down my cheeks as I cry. It’s all rushing back to me in giant waves as one memory after another hits me.
“Bri.” Wilder’s hold on me tightens as uncontrollable sobs start to pour from deep inside of me.
“I miss them so much.” My knees give out, but Wilder doesn’t let me fall.
He scoops me into his arms and carries me through the house. He lays us down on the bed and holds me close as I get it all out. He rubs my back for a long time as I let go of all of the sadness inside of me.
At some point I dozed off, only to wake with him still holding me close. His hands are still rubbing up and down my back as he tries to soothe me even in my sleep. Wilder might have deceived me in a way, but I know he’s a good man. I think he’s too good for me. He deserves someone whole and not a girl hiding away from the world.
From the start, he’s been trying to make sure I didn’t freak out on him. I’d just assumed he was my husband when I saw the ring on my finger. I think more than anything I wanted it, and that’s what made it easy for me to believe. I mean, look at the man. Not only that, but with how he’s cared for me since I got here, it’s easy to see why I fell in love. The thought is terrifying because losing him would destroy me. It would be hard to let him go even now, but I can’t imagine what it would be like weeks or months down the road.
There’s no way I’d be able to put myself back together because I’ve barely done it since losing my parents. I felt so damn alone when I lost them, but since I’ve been here in Wilder's home that loneliness is gone and damn, that has been nice. That hole in my heart was forgotten for a bit because Wilder filled it up.
But now it’s back, and all I want to do is forget for a little bit longer.
“Wilder.” I turn in his arms to face him, and I can see his worry over me etched in his expression. “Will you make love to me now?” I ask.
“Bri…” he begins to say, but I stop him by placing a finger on his lips.
“I want this.” I press my body against him, letting him know exactly what I want.
My heart and my head are all over the place, but I do know I want this memory. I want Wilder to make love to me. I now know this is why he’s been holding back on me. He didn’t want us to go that far with that still hanging between us. Again, because Wilder is a good man.
“I don’t think we should.” He swallows, and I can tell he’s fighting against what he’s feeling. If I pushed, I could get him to break because I can feel his erection pressing into my stomach.
“Why?” I ask, confused. Why is he fighting this? He was asking me to stay before, but maybe he’s changed his mind.
“If I make love to you, is there a chance you’re going to walk out of here later?” I open my mouth and then close it, unsure that I have an answer to that. “No,” he finally says for me when I don’t respond.
“No,” I repeat.
“You have no idea how hard it is to say those words to you when all I want is to give you everything. But I won’t make love to you if you’re doubting us. If you think you might leave.”
I close my eyes, feeling guilty. I was trying to use him to make myself feel better, not even thinking about how it would make him feel. Gosh, I’m a horrible person. How did I not even consider that?
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He deserves so much better than me.
“Please don’t apologize to me, Bri.” He drops his forehead to mine. “I love you, and I want what's best for us. What I hope ensures that maybe you’ll be my wife one day.”
“Wilder,” I sniffle. “I don’t know I can give you that. I—”
“Wilder!” Natalie’s voice rings through the cabin.
“I swear, she has the worst timing,” Wilder mutters.
Or the best? I think I need to get out of here, and Natalie is my best option for that at the moment. If the roads aren’t fully clear, I don’t want to risk anyone getting hurt driving on them.
“We’re in here,” I call to her as I sit up from the bed. “I should go, Wilder. I think you need some time to think this over too. I’m not the girl you think I am,” I say, trying to give him an out. He’s such a good man, he’d keep me if he thought it would help me.
“What the hell does that mean?” he asks, confused.
“This happy, full of life girl that’s been locked in this cabin with you. That’s not me. Not anymore.” I wish it was, but I lost her when I lost my parents.
“Y’all aren’t naked, are you?” Natalie calls before Wilder can respond.
“No.” I slip off the bed as she pushes the bedroom door open.
“My phone line is working, and your grams wanted me to check on you.” Natalie’s eyes bounce between the two of us.
“You think I can ride with you to your place and call her?” I ask. She looks to her brother, and I think she’s wanting him to guide her response, but he doesn’t.
He’s quiet. Too quiet.
“If you want to, I suppose I can,” she finally says when Wilder doesn’t speak. Or maybe they are doing their twin thing and talking silently to one another. Or maybe he’s thinking I should go after what I said.
“Let me get my stuff.” I walk past Natalie and enter the laundry room.
I almost pee myself when I see a giant-ass dog lying by the backdoor. Then I remember Natalie talking about her dog Teddy Bear before. She always jokes that he's her boyfriend. The dog really is the size of a damn bear. I remember her telling me he fought off a pack of coyotes for her once.
“Hey boy.” He sits up, and his tongue lolls out the side of his mouth. I give him a pet on the head before I grab my boots and go back into the kitchen to wait. It’s a good five minutes before Natalie and Wilder appear, but Wilder comes straight for me.