Ever since he expressed being disgusted with wanting me, he’s made it a point to flaunt all the girls in my face as if they were Prada bags.
I never gave him a reaction, always staring down my nose at him and his tool for the hour as if the dirt beneath my shoes was more precious than them.
I’m many things, but an emotional mess was never one of them. Always composed, always elegant.
Always…detached.
Sometimes, I stared at my doll and talked to it as if it were Papa. If his soul happens to be there, we’re all doomed.
But anyway, I asked Papa if I stopped being lucky, would Daniel have me?
The doll stared at me with its droopy eyes and remained silent. Which is my sign of a “no.”
But my faulty brain didn’t understand the concept. It doesn’t relate to words like “giving up” and “letting go.” It’s just not in me.
Maybe it’s because I usually got what I wanted, whether by working for it, asking for it, or manipulating my way to have it. It’s not arrogance, it’s pure determination.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m too fixated on Daniel because I can’t have him. But I did have him during the night of the fire, and it only made my emotions flare to a dangerous level.
I didn’t know it before, but turns out, I’m the type who correlates sexual and emotional intimacy together. They’re one, undivided entity.
Which is why everything he’s done afterward hurt more than I’ll ever admit.
One thing’s for certain, though. Daniel isn’t the only one who gets to play this “you mean nothing to me” game.
I got into his circle of friends and got close to the football players. Not only that, but I also allowed them to touch me and get handsy with me.
While he watched.
Daniel isn’t as good as I am at controlling his emotions. They usually spill like ink on paper and he glares or flares his nostrils.
The other day, Daniel saw me laughing with Chris on a mini date in the school’s garden. When we got back inside, Daniel waited for him to approach the classroom, then slammed the door as he was walking in, hitting him in the nose.
I didn’t believe the scene at the beginning. The way Daniel apologized and smiled was like he really didn’t mean to.
But as soon as Chris walked away, I saw the sly smirk on Daniel’s face.
Then, when Chris was watching football practice from the benches because the captain and team manager were punishing him, Daniel kicked the ball straight at him but pretended it was Ronan’s fault.
Before now, Daniel had no problems with Chris, so I knew it was because of me and how close I’m getting to him. He said something similar the night we first had sex.
Why did you take the drug? Was it so you and Christopher could have a good time?
I didn’t think much of it then, but the fact that he mentioned it a few times says something.
So I’m testing a theory.
If Daniel thinks I have a thing with Chris, maybe he’ll get his head out of his arse and accept me.
See me.
Make me visible again.
After I had that taste, it’s safe to say I’m utterly addicted.
For the first time, Daniel only looked at me. Not at Astrid, not at the girls who worship at his Casanova altar.
Me.
The fire that ate the property was a few degrees below the one that feasted on my heart.
Daniel liked me.
He liked spending time with me.
He helped me put on my clothes and dragged me out of danger first.
I don’t care that he blames all of that on being drugged. Or that he wants to erase that night with a red marker.
It’s already engraved in my heart and no natural force will be able to tamper with it.
It’s only a push.
All Daniel needs is a push to realize that he’s meant to be with me.
Not anyone else.
Me.
That’s why I invited Chris over. I heard Astrid talking to Daniel on the phone about meeting up here for some burgers at Alli’s. One of the few places where he actually eats without throwing up. He sometimes acts like a pig in front of Astrid and steals her food, then as soon as she’s out of sight, he vomits it all back up.
Maybe he’s trying to impress her.
Maybe he actually likes her and you’re just a side piece, Nicole.
I shush the demon on my shoulder as I put on a short white dress with peach-colored lace. Then I let my hair fall straight to my butt and do a kissy motion with my red lipstick.
It’s reserved for special occasions. Like making Daniel jealous.
I complete the outfit with my golden heels that make me look like a beautiful goddess. Or that’s what the girls say.
Chris shows up right on time, dressed in denim and expensive shoes. He’s the son of the Metropolitan Police’s deputy commissioner and is known to stir up more trouble than black magic.
He used to be friends with Levi, who’s pursuing my stepsister with the determination of a bull, but they kind of fell out of each other’s graces at the beginning of this year.
Rumor has it, Chris started following the wrong crowd, as in meth heads, and Levi hates druggies with the same passion he loves football.
Anyway, I’ve never seen Chris high. He’s good-looking with a strong bone structure and a buff build.
Not as good-looking as the boy from my happiest dreams and most forbidden fantasies.
I’m starting to think no one can measure up to Daniel in beauty, wit, or charm.
I’m biased, sue me.
“Come in.” I lead Chris to the pool house.
Mum and Uncle Henry are at a charity ball and will probably come home late.
Aside from some staff, the mansion is empty.
Well, I’m pretty sure I caught Astrid preparing to get out, probably with Daniel, but I’m one hundred and one percent sure that she’ll bring him back here later.
Good timing to burn Daniel with the fire he’s been melting me with.
“Do you want to drink something?” I motion at the mini-fridge in the corner of the room.
Chris throws his weight onto the sofa and pats the space beside him. “Would rather drink you.”
Eww. Someone call the cringe police.
I smile anyway and stroll to his side, holding a bottle of water.
My skin crawls as I sit beside him. I’ve only ever spent time with Chris at school or in crowded places. Something feels different now, otherworldly even.
I place the bottle on the table and pick up the remote control. “We can watch something.”
He clutches my hand. “You’re much better to look at than TV.”
Before I can comment, he dives in for a kiss. His lips feel like dry wood on mine, lifeless, and so wrong. At first, I’m stunned by the sudden attack, then I try to pull back.
The look in his eyes straight out brings out chills from the depths of my soul.
I stand up on shaky legs, maintaining my cheerful façade. “I…I remembered I have to do something. I’ll see you out—”
“Fuck that.” He clutches my arm and yanks me down on the sofa, all his pretty-boy smiles disappearing. “You’ve been cock-teasing me for weeks, Nicole. It’s time I get a taste of the cunt you’ve been taunting in my face.”
“No, let me go!” I try to shriek, but he clamps a heavy, strong hand on my mouth.
I thrash and manage to bite him.