She’d been curious, and then she’d been arrogant.
Deke said good-bye to his friends. She heard the door close, and her tension ratcheted up by a mile.
She was alone with the man who’d taken her virginity. Well, she’d given it to him. And he’d given her his. They’d been virgins together. It was weird to be standing here, and the stress of the day threatened to overwhelm her.
“All right, to what do I really owe this pleasure, Maddie?” Deke asked in that deep voice of his. He’d had it even in high school. “And it is a pleasure. It’s good to see you. It’s been a long time.”
So long. How had she let all these years go by and not called? She’d even stopped asking about him. Angie had been the one who brought him up when she’d been in LA and they’d had lunch. Maddie had sunk into her career and become everything she’d hoped to be. The girl she’d been, the one who’d loved the boy he’d been, had been forgotten. “Yeah. It’s been a long time.”
He shook his head. “How have you… I’m sorry. This isn’t a friendly visit. How can I help?”
Had she thought even for a second that he would turn her away? He wasn’t that man. He was a good man who took care of the people around him, and she felt so alone. She didn’t know a single man like Deke Murphy, and she’d stayed away from him. She’d let years go by because it was easier than admitting she’d made a mistake when she’d shut him out.
They’d been friends. Good friends. They wouldn’t be again. They couldn’t be more than old friends who met up every now and then when they were in their hometown at the same time. Their chance was gone and it wouldn’t come again, but he was still a bastion of everything that had once been good and safe in her life.
The world went watery, and she couldn’t hold it back another second. “I need you to be my Dom.”
His jaw actually dropped.
And that was the moment she burst into tears.
* * * *
Deke stood there for a moment, completely unsure of what the hell to do.
I need you to be my Dom.
What did she mean by that? Because she couldn’t possibly mean what he thought she meant. Maddie Hill couldn’t know what that word meant. And then there were all the tears.
She’d burst into tears, and not the pretty kind. Maddie almost never cried. At least she hadn’t when they were kids. Her tears built and built and built until they came out like a chaotic waterfall of pure emotion.
“I’m sorry,” she said, obviously trying to get herself under control. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this. It’s been such a long day.”
“It’s okay.” He said the words even though he knew she wasn’t. This was a Maddie he knew well.
Anxiety. She’d had it as a kid, but they hadn’t known what to call it. She’d been the smartest kid in town, pushed by everyone to greater and greater heights, and it had taken a toll on her. Even he’d pushed her. She would work and work, and then she would do this. She would hold it all in until it erupted, and she wouldn’t acknowledge that she’d felt the attack coming but kept going. Sometimes he would see her rub her chest like it was far too tight for her to breathe.
And even as a dumbass kid, he’d known there was a price to be paid to be as talented and driven as Maddie was.
“Hey, come here.” He hadn’t known what to do then, had viewed those outbursts as one of Maddie’s weaknesses. He would step away when she had these episodes and joke with his friends that she was probably on her period. He’d been an asshole. He’d been wrong, but he’d learned a lot since then. “Let’s breathe together. You’re having an anxiety attack. I know them well. So let’s breathe together and get through it.”
She shook her head. “I can stop.”
Still so stubborn. She still needed to be Super Girl, or maybe he should call her Wonder Woman because she was definitely not a girl anymore. “I know you can, but I can help. I’ve had many a panic attack. Come on, Maddie. I’ve been in therapy for almost twenty years. Let me use some of it. Breathe with me.”
Her hands squeezed his. “Okay.”
“Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath.” He’d been through this with the therapists he’d seen since he’d been rescued. At first it had been a rotating door through the Army care he’d been given, and then the solid presence of Kai Ferguson in his life. Kai was the therapist who worked with McKay-Taggart, and more importantly with Sanctum. He now had a clinic here in Dallas that specialized in trauma and PTSD. “Let it fill your chest and nothing else matters. Everything else can fall away because you can handle this.”
Her breath hitched. “You don’t even know what it is.”
He lowered his forehead to hers. Physical touch had comforted Maddie back in high school. If she stepped away from him, he would back off, but he wanted to help her any way he could. “I don’t need to. I know you can handle it. I’ll help you.”
She sighed and seemed to relax slightly. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.” What had it taken for her to come to him? He’d broken her heart. He wasn’t going to make it hard for her. “I’m going to help you. That’s not even a question, so put it out of your mind. Now take a breath. Feel it inside your chest. Nothing else matters but that breath.”
She took a shaky breath, but he could feel her start to steady. She leaned against him and breathed in and out, each breath slower and more deliberate than the last, each one bringing her closer and closer to the calm she needed.
“You’re okay. You’re safe here,” he promised, trying to keep his voice soft.
Maddie was here. Maddie was here and she needed his help, and damn if his stupid heart didn’t thud at the thought.
Maddie’s shoulders came down as she continued to breathe, and for a moment he could feel them synching up, their breaths matched and in harmony, as though she could breathe in that placid piece of himself and it soothed her.
She might not be calming down if she knew there was a part of him that hoped her situation was really fucking bad, like end of the world, throw them together for weeks at a time and if the world’s going to explode, we might as well sleep together bad.
Because he wanted her. Maybe it was the fact that he’d attended a wedding this evening and that had him thinking about his shitastic love life, but he didn’t care. He’d thought about Maddie for the first time in forever and she’d shown up on his doorstep looking like the sexiest, slightly rumpled lady genius he’d ever seen.
Fate. That was what had happened tonight. Pure fate.
I need you to be my Dom.
The words had gone straight to his dick. It was a damn good thing that he hadn’t hugged her or she would have felt what that sentence had done to him.
Careful. He needed to be careful with her. From what his sisters had told him, she wasn’t married. She’d been engaged a couple of years back, but they hadn’t even sent out invitations. She might have a boyfriend.
He didn’t care. If she was here, he was going to do his level best to work his way back into her life. He’d been a decent boyfriend to her in high school—dumb assholery not withstanding—but he was so much better now. Smarter. More open. He’d learned lessons from all his dumbass friends.