We left after that. We didn’t talk much in the car ride home—not with someone we didn’t know driving us. I owed Isaac an apology, though. I’d had no right to act the way I had, to put our truth out there the way I’d done. I hoped he wasn’t upset, but it was hard to regret it. They had wanted what was mine, and I didn’t want to share him.
The second we were in the condo and I closed the door behind us, I said, “I’m sorry, I—”
Isaac’s mouth cut off the rest of my apology. My back slammed against the wall, my body pressed tight between it and Isaac. He thrust his cock against me, devoured my mouth as urgent hands went for my clothes, ripping, pulling, tugging them off.
“Don’t ever apologize for wanting someone to know I’m yours.”
We stumbled to the bedroom, where we fucked and came inside each other’s bodies, staking our claim.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Isaac
“No offense, Hutch, but you look like shit,” I teased my friend when he joined me at a local restaurant.
“I try to do that when we’re together. I know how hard it must be for you…being around someone as attractive as me. Does it hurt you much?”
I laughed. “You’re an asshole.”
“Takes one to know one.”
When our waitress arrived with our water, Hutch thanked her. We told her we needed a moment to decide, and she left us to it.
“Seriously, though, with that sexy boyfriend you have at home, why aren’t you smiling? Why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?” I asked him, even if given my own situation, I could understand the issues more than I was letting on.
“I hate that saying.”
“That’s because it’s effective. Everyone loves puppies.” But the truth was, I had a feeling I knew what had happened. I could tell this was more than just the confusion I’d seen in him when we went to Revelry. “Did Madison find out?”
“Yeah. That morning right after you left, actually. She walked in on us together.”
“Jesus, Hutch. And you didn’t say anything?”
He cocked a brow. “Are you surprised?”
I wasn’t because I hadn’t told Hutch about Lane and me either. I wanted to, wanted to be able to share it with someone, and part of me knew I could. Lane had made it obvious to Krishna and Aanan, but it was different with Hutch. I cared about him in a deeper way. What if he looked at me in disgust? What if he thought what Lane and I were doing was wrong? I’d do it anyway because I loved Lane, but I didn’t want to lose Hutch. It would hurt, and I was tired of hurting. “No, no I’m not. Clearly, it didn’t go well.”
“Let’s order first. Then we can talk.”
When the waitress returned, we both asked for blackened salmon and rice.
We joked around for a minute before he began. “I don’t totally know what to say. I’m in love with my sister’s ex-husband. She’s hurt and angry. She asked for time. She took five years to get over the last time Ryder hurt her. My father hates me, and my mother is trying to pretend she’s the neutral party, which really means she’s supporting my father.”
It was the most ridiculous response, but I smiled.
“What I just said gives you the need to smile?”
“You said you’re in love with him so easily.” I wondered how freeing it felt. It had been when I told Lane, and I assumed announcing it to the world would as well, even with the pain that went along with it.
He looked away. “Shut up.”
“Real mature.”
“I never claimed to be.”
“I’m sorry, Hutch. I said this before, and I’ll say it again: you deserve to be happy too. Not everyone gets their chance at happiness. You can’t walk away when you have a chance at yours.” I wasn’t going to, now that I knew Lane felt the same.
“Even if it hurts others?”
“Yes. Maybe I’m just a selfish son of a bitch, but yes. What does Ryder have to say about all this?”
He told me how supportive Ryder was, but that he felt angry with him sometimes, envious because Ryder’s parents had been more accepting. I tried not to think about my own situation, that if they could feel so hurt by an ex-spouse, what would loving a man your family considered your brother cause?
But this wasn’t about me. This was about Hutch. We only got a few more minutes into the conversation before he said, “Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What’s going on with you?”
I looked away and shook my head. With a sigh, I turned back to Hutch. “I can’t.” Because no matter what, I wasn’t ready for the response. I wasn’t ready for the looks and the questions. Because part of me worried that the more people that knew, the harder it would be, and the more chance there was I would lose Lane. “I can’t tell you this, Hutch. Not right now. If it was just about me, I would, but I can’t…not when I know it affects someone else.” Liar…coward. I was putting the blame on Lane when it should be on me.
Hutch’s concern was clear. He offered me his support, before saying that whatever I told him was between us. Our food arrived at the perfect time, giving us an excuse to change the subject.
“We’re not gonna be able to sleep together,” Lane said as we climbed into his car to head to our parents’ house.
“We can sneak into each other’s rooms. Fuck in the bathroom…say we need to go to the store for something and find somewhere along the way to get a little action. That would be fun. Sex with a bit of danger is hot.”
“What if it’s not just the sex I’ll miss but being close to you? Or cuddling with you? You pretend you’re not, but you’re a big teddy bear, Isaac.”
He said the sweetest things. I loved it, but at the same time I also wanted to say, Ewww, feelings. “I am not. Take it back.”
Lane pulled out of the parking garage. “Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not. Cuddling is gross.”
“You like to cuddle with me.”
I did like to cuddle with him. “Liar,” I replied, reaching over and putting my hand on his thigh.
Lane sighed. “The real issue is, we can be nothing except brothers this weekend.”
He was right. We’d be reminded by everyone, by every situation, that brothers were exactly who we were to them. It would be like those moments with Kylie during our date, only on steroids, and the people who were doing it would be people we loved. “I got through years with that being the case. I can survive a three-day weekend.” The difference now was I knew what it was like to have him. It would show me what it would feel like if this didn’t work and I lost him…only again, intensified.
Lane said, “Maybe something will happen and we’ll realize we can tell them, at least Mom and Dad, and that it will be okay.”
“Maybe.”
“Don’t turn into surly, grumbly Isaac,” he teased, and that did ease some of the tightness in my chest.
“First I’m a teddy bear, and then I’m surly and grumbly? Make up your mind. I’m not liking this picture you’ve painted of me.”
“You liked the picture I painted of you on your knees with my cock in your mouth.”