Tonight, with Lord Nicholas, she hadn’t kissed him to thumb her nose at rules and restrictions. She’d done it because she’d wanted him. In the moment, kissing him had seemed right and natural. How could she possibly resist?
Obviously, she should have resisted because if she had, she wouldn’t be in this lovely room with an angry man staring at her.
“Spare me the explanation of what I know all too well,” he said. “I don’t need to be told I am a cripple.”
Amelia opened her mouth to ask what he was talking about then closed it. She felt as though she were a fish washed up on shore and flopping about in an attempt to return to the world she knew. “You think this is because of your injured legs?”
“What else?”
The arrogance of this man—to believe everything in the world was about him and his limp. “Have you considered that my refusal might be about me?”
“Rubbish. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, either.”
“Are you mocking me?”
Amelia closed her eyes and tried to focus on the task ahead of her. “No, my lord. I’m trying to tell you that my refusal to marry you has nothing to do with you. In fact, I’m trying to save you.”
“You’re not making sense. I knew as soon as we were discovered that I would have to marry you or you and your family would be ruined by scandal. I don’t need to be saved. If we don’t marry, the worst that would happen to me are some whispered remarks I won’t even hear as I have no intention of going out in Society unless absolutely necessary.”
“And while I do appreciate your sacrifice, my lord, I can’t allow you to make it. Not when I am carrying another man’s child.”
Whatever Lord Nicholas had been about to say next—some refutation of her argument, no doubt—her announcement shut him up. His gaze lowered to her abdomen, which would tell him nothing as it was far too early, and then back up to her face. “I see,” he said. “You are in love with another man.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You don’t see at all.” She threw herself on a couch and covered her face. “This is mortifying. I haven’t even told my mother or my friends, and now I must confess my transgression to a man I don’t even know.”
She felt the couch dip as he took a seat beside her. “You don’t know me very well, that’s true. Let me assure you I am not one to judge. I have made my own transgressions in the past.”
“Yes, but you’re a man.” She parted her fingers and peeked out at him.
He shrugged. “I didn’t transgress by myself. Does this man know about your—er, condition?”
She closed her fingers again. “No. He’s a soldier and his regimen has moved on.”
“I see. Have you written to him?”
She shook her head. “No. I thought about it, but...” She trailed off. She could not tell him the real reason she hadn’t written. The real reason she had not begun that letter.
“But?” His voice was quiet and did seem kind.
She lowered her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to marry him. Honestly, it was just a bit of fun. I know how that makes me sound, but why should I ruin his life just because mine is ruined? At least that was my thinking.” The words had spilled out in a torrent. Now she opened her eyes and stared into his lovely blue ones. “What an idiot I am. I have now put you in the same position. I seem to have a knack for ruining men’s lives. I will write to him tonight and there will be no need for you to marry me.” She jumped up. “I will fetch your mother.”
But just as she started away, he grasped her wrist and tugged her back. She turned back to him, puzzled.
“Wait a moment,” he said. “Let’s think this through.”
“I have thought it through.”
He gave her a dubious look, and he did not release her wrist. Amelia looked down at his hand holding on to her and wished she didn’t feel flutters in her belly at his touch. “If I understand correctly, you do not want to marry this soldier.”
“Not particularly. He made me laugh and he could dance until I couldn’t breathe, but I don’t think he’d make a very good husband. Or father,” she added.
“And no one knows you are carrying his child?”
“You know.”
“Besides me.” He furrowed his brow. “Are you even certain you are carrying his child? When was your rendezvous?”
Amelia’s jaw dropped open and she pulled her arm away from him. “I don’t have to answer that!”
He gave a sigh that indicated he was struggling to tether his patience. “Is it possible you are not breeding?” he asked, his gaze again falling to her flat abdomen.
“I suppose,” she finally conceded.
“And are you opposed to marrying me?”
Amelia took a step back. “I beg your pardon.”
Lord Nicholas stood, a bit slowly and stiffly but with a hint of the grace he must have had before the injury. “It seems to me your choices are limited. You must marry, if not because we were seen together this evening than because in a few months your other predicament will be made clear. There is only one way to save yourself and your family from shame and social exile. You must marry.” He paused, seeming to give her time to digest what he had said. Amelia knew he spoke the truth. She’d been contemplating her family’s ruin for about a week now. And it seemed she’d made a bad situation impossibly worse.
“The best solution might be to marry me.”
Amelia stared at him. Was he really suggesting they marry? The silence went on for a long moment before he shifted uncomfortably.
“I understand my injury is off-putting. I assure you, I expect nothing from you. I am willing to accept a marriage in name only.”
Amelia’s head was spinning. She could not seem to make any sense of what he had just said. Why did he think she cared about his injury? And what did it mean that he expected nothing from her? A marriage in name only.
“You mean we would not have marital relations?” she asked, feeling her cheeks heat.
“Correct.”
Was that supposed to convince her to agree? The kiss they’d shared in the stable had been the best kiss she’d ever experienced. Granted, she’d only been kissed a handful of times, but never before had her toes curled and heat infused her from her belly down to...well, she’d been quite warm. If there was any benefit to marrying him—besides his family’s fortune and this large house and his lineage—it was sharing his bed. But then he might not want her now that he knew about her condition.
“You would marry me, even though I carry another man’s child?”
“Yes.”
“You would claim his child as yours?” she asked. Her mother would have fainted dead away if she had heard the way Amelia was speaking, but Lord Nicholas already knew her darkest secret. Why not shove everything into the open now?
“I would. The child would be mine under the eyes of the law, and I would treat him or her as my own.”
“Why?” she demanded. She hadn’t meant the question to come out like a challenge, but she wouldn’t take it back. She wanted to know his motivations. She deserved to know.