“Of course. I haven’t been in there for some time.”
The mention of him in her bed chamber caused her cheeks to turn an even deeper shade of red. Suddenly, she shook her head and blew out a breath. “I don’t know why we should be so awkward around each other,” she said abruptly. “We never were before.”
He smiled, glad she had broken through the formality between them. “I suppose neither of us is used to being married.”
“I am certainly not used to being referred to as Lady Nicholas.”
“Would you allow me to call you Amelia?” he asked.
“I’d like that, yes. Shall I call you Nickers?” Her brown eyes glinted with amusement.
“Nicholas will do.”
She looked around. “The house seems quieter now that everyone is gone.”
“Now that my mother is gone, you mean.”
She gave a small smile. “I suppose I am not used to living in a house this big with so many servants. I expected it to be...busier.”
Nicholas shook his head. “It’s quiet here. That’s why Florentia and I like it. Neither of us care much for balls and dinner parties. I hope you don’t find it too tedious.” He was very aware that she had been shut up for years, caring for an invalid. He didn’t blame her for wanting a bit of fun after all those years of drudgery.
“Not at all,” she said.
Nicholas wanted to offer to walk her to her chamber, but there were the stairs to contend with. “You should go back to your room before you catch a chill,” he said.
“Or Sweetie comes looking for me. Good night, Nicholas,” she said.
“Good night.”
She left, carrying her pail, and Nicholas leaned against the worktable. The idea of a platonic marriage had seemed like the perfect solution to both of their problems two nights ago, but now that he was married, now that the woman would be sleeping in the room adjoining his, he was not at all certain he hadn’t just made things worse.
The problem was that he was attracted to Amelia.
Eight
Amelia breakfasted in bed the next morning, which was a mistake. Sweetie bothered her incessantly and she ended up giving half of her meal to the pig. O’Malley would not enter her room while Sweetie was present, so Amelia dressed herself and pinned her hair up as she did at home. Then she took Sweetie into the yard where there was a pen for a goat, several chickens, and a cow and calf. She gave her pig more food and left her to go back inside. Now that she was Lady Nicholas, she wanted to look the part, and a rumpled dress and lopsided coiffure would not do.
But when she stepped inside, she met Lady Florentia, who greeted her warmly. “Good morning, Amelia,” she said with a smile and a pretty curtsy.
“Good morning.” Amelia gave her a curtsy as well.
“I am so glad to see you. I thought you might like me to show you around, now that you are the lady of the house.”
“Yes, I’d like that.” Amelia glanced about, wondering if perhaps Lord Nicholas might join them. Florentia linked her arm with Amelia’s.
“Shall we begin with the ground floor, or would you prefer to see the kitchens and servants’ quarters downstairs?”
“Now might be a good time to visit with the housekeeper and the cook. If we wait too long, they will be busy with dinner preparations.”
“Perfect.” As they walked toward the stairs to the kitchen, Florentia told her the servant’s names and how long they had been with the family and any other personal information she could remember. The housekeeper, for example, had a sister in Norwich and the cook had trained in one of the best houses in London. Amelia tried to listen, but she couldn’t quite stop herself from looking for Nicholas. It didn’t help that once they reached the kitchen, memories of seeing him the night before flooded back. He’d looked so handsome, with his cravat loose and falling in white waves over his chest and his hair tousled and peppered with stray pieces of straw.
She should never have agreed to marry him and definitely never agreed to separate beds. Amelia might not be the worldliest of women, having rarely left Hungerford, but she had read quite widely. She’d often had little else to do on long, tedious days when sitting by the bedside of her grandmother or father. And reading had been an escape as well. She could travel in books to places she would never visit in real life.
She’d read so many books where the fallen woman was punished and the virtuous one rewarded, but Amelia had never felt that was quite fair. The man who had debauched the fallen woman was every bit as culpable as she, and why should he win the virtuous woman? Not to mention, Amelia did not think he’d be happy with a woman who blushed when he just looked at her—not when he’d had nights of passion with the loose woman.
Amelia would far prefer to be the fallen woman and live life to the fullest. She didn’t regret her night of passion with Jonathon Wickersham. She’d wanted the experience of being held by a man and made love to. She’d enjoyed it and only wished that she could have been the man and not had to bear the consequences. On the other hand, now she would be a mother. She’d rather despaired of ever marrying or having children after her twenty-fourth birthday. Now she would have both, and it was not a punishment at all.
But of course, Lord Nicholas would not want to share a bed with her. He hadn’t given her reasons, only alluded to his injury. Did his injury prevent him from enjoying the marital bed or was it just an excuse because he did not want to bed a woman carrying another man’s child?
“You won’t see him,” Florentia said as she opened the library.
“Who?” Amelia asked, but she knew she had been caught. She’d been looking for Nicholas in every room. Lady Florentia gave her an indulgent smile.
“Your husband. He keeps to himself most days. I can sometimes find him in the stables with the horses, but more often than not, I don’t know where he goes.”
“Has he always been so solitary?” Amelia asked, going to the shelves and running a hand over the old leather-bound volumes.
Florentia took a breath and seemed to consider her answer. “Yes and no.”
Amelia looked at her, waiting for an explanation.
“He was never the sort to have dozens of friends and frequent balls and pubs every night. He’s always loved his horses, always preferred horses to people, and his favorite activity was always riding. He rode every day without fail, sometimes he would be gone for hours. So yes, Nicholas has always enjoyed his solitude, but he was never solitary. He enjoyed dancing and dinner parties and had many friends at school and in Town. After the war, he wanted no one near him but me.” She looked at Amelia and smiled. “And now you.”
Amelia did not point out that he had not wanted her. He’d been stuck with her.
“The war changed him,” Amelia said.
“Not so much the war as his injury,” Florentia said, sitting in one of the chairs near the cold hearth. “His legs were crushed by a horse during the battle, and he will never be the same again. He can’t ride, and I think that was the biggest blow of all. It’s as though he is lost without that part of his life.”
“Then perhaps we should find a way for him to ride, even with his injury.”