However, today it’s hitting me hard. Today is my birthday. It’s just another day, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing he was here with me today. It’s Saturday, and my mom insisted on having dinner and inviting everyone. I appreciate the effort, but the one person I want to see won’t be there.
“You about ready to head out?” Karina asks.
“I’m ready when you are,” I say, standing from the couch.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” she asks.
I look down at my Capri leggings and Blaze T-shirt. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
“Peyton, come on. Your mom is planning this for you, and your entire family will be there. At least make it look like you care just a little.” She places her hands on her hips and stares me down.
“They’re my family. They don’t care how I’m dressed.”
“You’re right. But you might not be so mopey if you spruce up a little. Come on. I’ll help you.” She places her hands on my shoulders and turns me down the hall toward my bedroom.
“Fine,” I grumble as I plop down on my bed.
“Here.” She hands me a pair of boyfriend jeans with rips in the knees. “Wear these and this.” She hands me a gray flowing tank top and a blue-and-white-and-gray flannel. “You can roll your sleeves up or take it off if you get too hot.”
I look at her, and she’s dressed in a similar way. Her jeans are darker than mine, but she’s also wearing a flowing tank and a three-quarter sleeve cardigan over it. “Fine.” I stand and quickly change my outfit. “Shoes?” I might as well let her finish off the ensemble.
“Your dark gray Hey Dudes will be fine.”
“At least you have good taste.” I chuckle as I take the shoes and slide them onto my feet. “Now what?”
“Now, you let me put some curls in your hair and add just a soft touch of makeup.”
“Really? Is that necessary?”
“Yes. Look, I know you’re missing him, but when you call him later, he’s going to be sad and missing you too. You know that man is crazy about you. If he thinks for a second that you’re here moping, it’s going to eat him alive. Do this for Griffin.”
“You’re right,” I concede. I move to the bathroom and sit on the toilet, letting her curl my hair, and then add some light makeup. By the time she’s done, I not only look better, but I feel better too. “Thank you, Karina.”
“That’s what best friends are for. Now, give me your phone. I want to take a picture of you to send to your man.”
I smile wide, handing her my phone. She takes the picture and hands it back to me. “Send it now. Let’s see what he says.”
Doing as she says, I type out a message, followed by the picture.
Me: Missing you more today than yesterday.
Griffin: You take my breath away.
Me: This is hard, Griffin.
Griffin: I know. I miss you too.
Me: I gotta go. My mom is having dinner and invited my sisters and their families.
Griffin: Have fun, birthday girl. Call me later?
Me: You know I will.
I slide my phone into my purse and look up to find Karina watching me. “Well, what did he say?”
“That he misses me and that I take his breath away.” My cheeks heat. It’s not like she hasn’t already heard him say that exact thing. She’s here a lot when we video call, and she and Oliver have joined us on our study sessions more often than not. Griffin doesn’t hold back his feelings and doesn’t care who hears him.
The other day, he was in the locker room after the home game they won when he called me. He was telling me he missed me and wished I was there. His teammates were razzing him, but he just laughed it off and told them they were just jealous. He didn’t have a single care that they heard him telling me that he missed me.
“He’s one of the good ones, Peyton.”
“I think so too.”
“But?”
“We’ve only spent a handful of days together.”
“What about the past five weeks?”
“Gah! I know. This is so freaking hard. I second-guess everything, but when we're talking, the doubt disappears.”
“Come on, birthday girl. Let’s go hang with your family and eat our weight in cake and ice cream, so you can come home and call your man.”
“How is it possible to fall this hard for someone you can’t touch or kiss?” I ask her as we make our way out to her car.
“I think that this is better,” she says, climbing behind the wheel.
“How so?” I ask once we’re on the road.
“You’re getting to know one another. There is no pressure for sex. You two are taking the time to talk about anything and everything. You know each other to your core. The other stuff, the sex, and kissing, and all that other stuff you’re missing, it’s just fluff.”
“What if I want the fluff?”
She laughs. “Oh, honey, we all want the fluff. What I’m saying is that when you two reach that point, when you get there, you’re already going to be so in tune with each other that it’s bound to be magical. It’s going to mean more. It’s not going to be just an orgasm, but it’s going to be more.”
“I guess I never really thought about it like that.”
“Trust me. Remember my first time?” she asks. “We were both inexperienced and had no idea what we were doing.”
“And now?”
“Now, I like to think I know what I like, and I’m not afraid to ask for it. You shouldn’t be either.”
“I don’t really know…” My voice trails off.
“You will. When it happens, you will, and you have to tell him. I’m kind of jealous, to be honest.”
“What? Why would you be jealous?”
“Because if the way that he looks at you is any indication, he’s going to listen to everything you tell him. He’s going to make it happen and rock your world.”
“Stop!” I laugh. “No worlds are being rocked. I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”
“But when you do, it will be that much sweeter.”
I don’t reply to that, because what do I say? I have no idea if what she’s saying is right, but I want it to be. With the little bit of time we had with each other, I know he lights my body on fire. The thought of telling him what I want, what feels good, has me blushing. I guess the only saving grace is that it will be a first for him too. We can fumble through it together.
When we pull into my parents’ driveway, it’s already full. “Sheesh, what time is it? Are we late or something? She said five, right?” I ask Karina.
“It’s ten till,” she tells me. “Maybe everyone is just excited to see you and eat cake.” She shrugs.
“Maybe.”
“Besides, you’re close with your sisters. You don’t want to see them?”
“It’s not that. I want to see them and Jett, of course. And Paisley is ready to deliver their baby girl any day. I just wish things were different.”