“There’s even a part for you in it,” she says. “We can move out of here. Start a new life.”
You smile, your face tight. Bounce the baby gently. Look at her little face.
“Willis,” she says. “What do you think?”
“It’s great. It’s great.”
“I know it is. But the fact that you said it like that makes me think you don’t think it is.”
“It’s great.”
“I don’t get it. Isn’t this what you wanted? To move out of here?”
“Yeah. I mean, yeah.”
“But you wanted to be the one who did it. Is that it? You wanted to be the one who moved us out.”
“I’m really close to making it, Karen.”
“You’ve been close for a while.”
“You don’t believe in me.”
“I do believe in you. That’s why I don’t want to watch you do this anymore.”
“You don’t think I deserve it.”
“Of course you deserve it. You’ve deserved it for a while. But do you really think they’re going to give it to you? Today they say tomorrow. Tomorrow they’ll say the next day. I just don’t want you to be trapped. Like your father.”
“Trapped? What do you know about my father? Do you even know who he was back in the day? You don’t get to talk to me about my father. Or being trapped.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just saying—”
“It’s what’s best for our family. I have to stay for now. I’ve worked too hard to get it. If I get this, I can provide for you, for our kid.”
“We don’t need you to provide. I can provide. Didn’t you hear me say I have my own show? It can be our show together.”
“You just don’t get it. I don’t want to be on your show.”
“You resent me. For doing better—”
“Say it. For doing better than I have. But no, that’s not it. It’s not about you, Karen. It’s about me. About becoming Kung Fu Guy.”
“Seriously? It’s still about that? After all this time?”
“What do you mean? Of course it is. This is the dream. This is what someone like me has available to him. Of course it’s still about that.”
“There are other things worth pursuing, Willis. The world is out there, and it’s big.”
“Maybe not for me. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I can’t let go of this yet.”
“So what are you saying? You don’t want to be part of this family?”
“I do. I do, Karen. We can make it work. Like I said, I’m close to getting everything I’ve worked for, and as soon as I do, things will change. I’ll come join your show, but with my own thing. I just need to do this.”
“The show’s set in the suburbs. Deep. Nowhere near here. Long-distance doesn’t work with a kid, Willis.”
“Just for a while. A few weeks. Maybe a couple of months.”
“A couple of months?”
“Tops.”
So she goes. And you keep working. A few weeks turns into a couple of months which turn into several. Several months turns into a year. More. That creeping feeling. Karen was right. Something you’ve known all along, maybe. It’s never going to happen. You should quit now.
A glimmer. A glimpse of a life outside this. And then, perfect timing, right when you start to seriously consider for the first time in your life an existence outside of Chinatown, the phone rings and it’s the director and he says the words you have been waiting to hear all your life.
Congratulations.
You are:
KUNG FU GUY
No Karen here to share the moment. You’re alone. You got exactly what you wanted. Didn’t you? Or did they give it to you. The thing you thought you wanted. The role of a lifetime is one you can never bring yourself to quit. Karen was right: you are trapped. Doing well is the trap. A different kind, but still a trap. Because you’re still in a show that doesn’t have a role for you.
INT. GOLDEN PALACE CHINESE RESTAURANT
You’re standing by the food table. It’s this table of food. You can eat the food. No one’s counting. But you also don’t want to embarrass yourself. It’s easy to embarrass yourself. They have everything: little finger sandwiches cut into triangles or squares, roast beef or smoked turkey or cucumber tomato for the vegetarians or pretend vegetarians, heaping mounds of curry chicken salad and shrimp salad and tarragon pasta salad, all kinds of foods in stick form, carrot sticks, celery sticks, zucchini sticks, cubes of cheese (three colors, although to be honest you can’t tell the difference), and that’s not even getting into the desserts. Pyramids of brownies and blondies and dainty miniature red velvet cupcakes and vegan versions of all of the above. Snickerdoodles as big as your head. Candy, gum, mints, coffee, tea, soda. Sometimes if the day goes long, they’ll bring out a surprise: Korean tacos stuffed with bulgogi and kimchi slaw. Handmade ice cream sandwiches. You’re standing there, stuffing greasy cold cuts into napkins, sneaking balled-up meat bombs into the pockets of your kung fu pants, a meal that you can sneak back at the end of the day. You stop to consider what you are doing. Still playing a part that was handed to you, written for Asian Man. You understand: you’ve made a mistake. The biggest mistake of your life. Man. You screwed up. You need to go find your family. How do you get out? You can’t go out the front door. You sneak out the back.
EXT. ALLEY
You look up at the billboard. BLACK and WHITE. You can’t be a part of this anymore. Their car is parked there. A getaway car for you—now on the run. You jimmy the lock, hotwire the ignition, and you’re off. Driving off. Behind you, you hear sirens. You step on the gas and lose them.
Local Chinese children were also dressed as rural peasants by day to add to the ambience. By night they changed back into their normal Western clothes.
Bonnie Tsui
When…an outsider happens upon a performance that was not meant for him…the performers will find themselves temporarily torn between two possible realities.
Erving Goffman
ACT V
KUNG FU DAD