That’s the reason I’m the only one visiting her right now.
When my parents discovered that she was the one encouraging my ‘reckless behaviour’, as they called it, they cut contact. I can see the pain in her eyes about that every time she looks at me, but she’s too stubborn to do anything about it, even now.
“You’re going to be fine. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. How many times have I told you, you just need to follow your heart. Follow your heart and just breathe. Spread your wings and fly, Tabby Cat.”
Those were the last words she said to me.
HATE YOU CHAPTER ONE
Tabitha
The heavy bass rattles my bones. The incredible music does help to lift my spirits, but I find it increasingly hard to see the positives in my life while I’m hanging out with my friends these days. They’ve all got something exciting going on—incredible job prospects, marriage, exotic holidays on the horizon—and here I am, drowning in my one-person pity party. It’s been two months since Gran left me, and I’m still wondering what the hell I’m meant to be doing with my life.
“Oh my god, they are so fucking awesome,” Danni squeals in my ear as one song comes to an end. I didn’t really have her down as a rock fan, but she was almost as excited as James when he announced that this was what we were doing for his birthday this year. Although I do wonder if it’s the music or the frontman who’s really captured her attention. She’d never admit it, but she’s got a thing for bad boys.
I glance over at him with his arm wrapped around Shannon’s shoulders and a smile twitches my lips. They’re so cute. They’ve got the kind of relationship everyone craves. It seems so easy yet full of love and affection. Ripping my eyes from the couple, I focus back on the stage and try to block out that I’m about as far away from having that kind of connection with anyone as physically possible.
I sing along with the songs I’ve heard on the radio a million times and jump around with my friends, but I just can’t quite totally get on board with tonight. Maybe I just need more alcohol.
“Where to next?” Shannon asks once we’ve left the arena and the ringing in our ears has begun to fade.
“Your choice,” James says, looking down at her with utter devotion shining in his eyes. It wasn’t a great surprise when Shannon sent a photo of her giant engagement ring to our group chat a couple of months ago. We all knew it was coming—Danni especially, seeing as it turned out that she helped choose the ring.
Shannon directs us all to a cocktail bar a few streets over and I make quick work of manoeuvring my way through the crowd to get to the bar, my need for a drink beginning to get the better of me. The others disappear off somewhere in the hope of finding a table
“Can we have two jugs of…” I quickly glance at the menu. “Margaritas please.”
“Coming right up, sweetheart.” The barman winks at me before his eyes drop to my chest. Hooking up on a night out isn’t really my thing, but hell if it doesn’t make me feel a little better about myself. He’s cute too, and just the kind of guy who would give both my parents a heart attack if I were to bring him home. Both his forearms are covered in tattoos, he’s got gauges in both his ears, and a lip ring. A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as I imagine the looks on their faces.
My gran’s words suddenly hit me.
Just breathe.
My hand lifts and my fingers run over the healing skin just below my bra. My smile widens.
I watch the barman prepare our cocktails, my eyes focused on the ink on his arms. I’ve always been obsessed by art, any kind of art, and that most definitely includes on skin.
I’m lost in my own head, so when he places the jugs in front of me, I startle, feeling ridiculous.
“T-Thank you,” I mutter, but when I lift my eyes, I find him staring intently at me.
“You’re welcome. I’m Christian, by the way.”
“Oh, hi.” A sly smile creeps onto my lips. “I’m Biff.”
“Biff?” His brows draw together in a way I’m all too used to when I say my name.
“It’s short for Tabitha.”
“That’s pretty. So… uh… how do you feel about—”
“Christian, a little help?” one of the other barmen shouts, pulling Christian’s attention from me.
“Sorry, I’ll hopefully see you again later?”
I nod at him, not wanting to give him any false hope. Like I said, he’s cute, but after my last string of bad dates and even worse short-term boyfriends, I’m happy flying solo right now. I’ve got a top of the range vibrating friend in my bedside table; I don’t need a man.
Picking up the tray in front of me, I turn and go in search of my friends. It takes forever, but eventually I find them tucked around a tiny table in the back corner of the bar.
“What the hell took so long? We thought you’d pulled and abandoned us.”
“Yes and no,” I say, ensuring every head turns my way.
“Tell us more,” Danni, my best friend, demands.
“It was nothing. The barman was about to ask me out, but it got busy.”
“Why the hell did you come back? Get over there. We all know you could do with a little… loosening up,” James says with a wink.
“I’m good. He wasn’t my type.”
“Oh, of course. You only date posh boys.”
“That is not true.”
“Is it not?” Danni asks, chipping in once she’s filled all the glasses.
“No…” I think back over the previous few guys they met. “Wayne wasn’t posh,” I argue when I realise they’re kind of right.
“No, he was just a wanker.”
Blowing out a long breath, I try to come up with an argument, but quite honestly, it’s true. My shoulders slump as I realise that I’ve been subconsciously dating guys my parents would approve of. It’s like my need to follow their orders is so well ingrained by now that I don’t even realise I’m doing it. Shame that their ideas about my life, what I should do, and whom I should date don’t exactly line up with mine.
Glancing over my shoulder at the bar, I catch a glimpse of Christian’s head. Maybe I should take him up on his almost offer. What’s the worst that could happen?
Deciding some liquid courage is in order, I grab my margherita and swallow half down in one go.
I’m so fed up of attempting to live my parents’ idea of a perfect life. I promised Gran I’d do things my way. I need to start living up to my promise.
By the time I’m tipsy enough to walk back to the bar and chat up Christian, he’s nowhere to be seen. I’m kind of disappointed seeing as the others had convinced me to throw caution to the wind (something that I’m really bad at doing), but I think I’m mostly relieved to be able go home and lock myself inside my flat alone and not have to worry about anyone else.
With my arm linked through Danni’s, we make our way out to the street, ready to make our journeys home, and Shannon jumps into an idling Uber while Danni waits for another to go in the opposite direction.