And holy shit, that’s the first time since Bevan I’ve ever even noticed another girl.
“No, it’s my fault,” I manage to get out.
I’m still holding her arms, her skin like silk under my fingertips, and I can’t seem to stop. She smirks, her gaze flicking to my big hands on her biceps.
“No worries. You saved me from falling down this education mountain.” Pretty brown eyes sparkle as she cocks her head down the stadium seating we’re at the top of.
“Or maybe I was the one who almost pushed you.” I break out in a grin, letting go of her.
Weird. I’m somewhat drawn to her, and almost feel like flirting. The sensation is so strange that I nearly pinch myself. Probably because I’ve never actually flirted with a girl. I fell head over heels for Bevan when I was fifteen and never looked at anyone else.
“It would have helped me avoid the microeconomics class I’m about to sleep through, so I should thank you.” She chuckles.
“I’m Callum, nice to meet you.” I stick out a hand for her to shake and instantly cringe.
Wow, smooth move, dude.
“Gretchen. Are you in this class too?” When she touches my hand again, I feel almost … happy.
Haven’t felt that in close to two years.
I shake my head. “Nah, just slept through a kinesiology class. I think I’d go into a full coma if I were joining you. Well, not you. I mean the class. I’d be wide awake if I got to sit through it with you.”
Jesus Christ, I sound like a teenage boy who just got his first boner in homeroom and is trying to stumble his way normally through the pledge of allegiance.
But Gretchen is laughing now. “Hmm … ditto.”
Wait, what? Is she saying she wishes I was in this class?
“Well, I should get to it. At least try to make myself pay attention. It was nice to meet you, Callum.” She waves and flutters her eyelashes at me before squeezing by and going to find a seat.
My insides feel fuzzy as I walk outside, students milling everywhere. It’s the most beautiful season in Upstate New York; still warm enough to wear shorts and bask in the sun, but without the humidity and the summer bugs. In a few weeks we’ll all probably be bundling up in North Face fleeces and then in two months, we’ll be cursing the winter gods. But for now, I allow the sun to shine on my face and soak in the first feelings of something I haven’t felt in way too long.
Interest.
I’ve spent the last year and a half in a depression I’ve denied to everyone close to me. While my heart has barely healed, I need to try and force it because I can’t live like this any longer.
“Cal, wait up!” I see Gannon jogging across the quad, Scott trailing behind him.
“Hey, guys.” I fist bump both of them when they get near enough. “What’re you up to?”
“About to head to a meeting with my advisor,” Gannon says, pulling a protein bar out of his bag and eating the thing in almost one bite.
“I have to meet some friends at the gym for pickup basketball.” Scott lazily lifts his shirt and scratches his abs.
“Do you ever go to class?” I tease, only half-joking.
Scott grins. “You know I don’t.”
“How about you?” Gannon asks.
“Was going to grab a burger in the pub. I’m still trying to fill that roommate spot, sorry, guys.” Part of me debates telling them about the girl I just met, but that would be crazy.
I barely know her, we just met two seconds ago, and I’m in no shape to date. Or even talk about dating. But something in me wants to share some of the only positive news I’ve had in a year with friends I know care.
“Or you could just fill it yourself.” Scott shrugs.
“He’s not wrong. We all miss you,” Gannon agrees.
I look longingly at the pub, wanting to escape this conversation. “We all know why that can’t happen.”
“Come on, living with your ex wouldn’t be that bad. I’m pretty sure you and Bevan have moved on, could be civil.” Scott moves his hands while talking as if this will sound more convincing.
The three of us look at each other for a minute, then burst out laughing.
Gannon clears his throat and wipes his eyes, as if what our other friend just said is too hilarious to form thoughts from. “Shit, I didn’t even live there for a lot of the crap that went down, and even I know that you two living together again would be a fucking nightmare.”
“You’ve got that right,” I grumble.
Remembering our breakup douses any of the levity I was just feeling from meeting Gretchen back there.
“If you’re not going to move back in, at least come to Gannon’s thing.” Scott hits Gannon in the bicep.
“You mean the screening of the fucking TV show I filmed?” Gannon rolls his eyes as if it’s ludicrous Scott forgot this.
“Yeah, that. Come over for it.”
“I don’t know …” I hedge.
There is no way I can be on Bevan’s territory.
“We barely saw you last year, man. It’s been long enough. Even if you don’t come to the house, come to the bar with us tonight. Let’s have a beer, reminisce. You’re like a recluse these days, don’t lie.” Gannon levels with me.
I forget that he knows me so well. Scott and I have been close since we met when we arrived at Talcott, but Gannon and I grew up together. He knows I’m usually a social butterfly, and that he hasn’t seen me around the party scene or on social media lately. Honestly, I’m tired of being so alone. Maybe it’s this conversation, or the fact that my dead and gray heart actually beat for one solid second when I bumped into Gretchen, but I agree.
“All right, I’ll meet you out. You going to Laker’s?” I reference a popular bar slash nightclub that all the students go to, whether they’re of age or not.
“First round is on me. Whiskey shots. We’re getting wasted!” Scott pumps his arm into the air.
“Great. The last time I got drunk with you, I had to save your ass from getting thrown into the back of a cop car for public urination.” I roll my eyes.
“You did that more than once?” Gannon screeches at him. “I had to sign a fucking autograph to get him out of a jam last week.”
That makes me crack up, and Scott just looks oblivious. The guy is a sloppy teddy bear when he’s drunk.
“All right, then I’ll see you guys tonight.” I give them the usual guy half-hug and then walk toward the pub, my stomach growling.
I’m left feeling conflicted, mixed feelings having only cropped up in the last twenty minutes. Had my first flutters of interest in a girl in about eight years, had to hash out why I didn’t want to live with my ex, and made a promise to hang out with my friends tonight.
Maybe this is how healing is; two steps forward, one step back.
4
CALLUM
Shaking off the speed bumps from earlier, I get back to my single on-campus apartment and put out more feelers for the Prospect Street sublet.
Honestly, living in what is essentially a dorm makes me feel like an underclassman again, and I can’t wait to graduate. Granted, that will probably see me living back under my parent’s roof until I get a job and can afford an apartment near Webton, but it would be better than hearing weird freshmen boning like bunnies through the very thin walls. Especially when I haven’t gotten laid in almost two years.