I never knew the length of my ex-wife’s deception until right before we split up. She’d cheated, and being on the road so much, I got over it and forgave her. I would’ve loved and cherished her through it, even if it eventually became obvious I wasn’t in love with her the way I should’ve been. Although, it took the deceit and the heartbreak she’d left in her wake for me to truly discover that fact and accept it. It wasn’t an easy pill to swallow, but it taught me a lot about life and not to trust people so blindly, especially women.
I’d lived through the years with her, attempting to show her I could be everything she’d needed and understood her struggles while I was away training and traveling. It was my career, my passion, and even more so, the way I supported our family financially. I never questioned Kadence’s paternity. I took one look at the innocent baby, and she’d claimed my heart.
I thought life was perfect until she was a few years old, and I found my wife cheating. I’d offered her a pampered lifestyle, hoping the gifts and lavish house would make up for my absence. I was home with her and our daughter every chance I got, but it was never enough. It seemed nothing I ever did was.
We began fighting all the time, bickering over little things like who she was having lunch with. It started to consume my thoughts, and it was showing on the field, but they were my family, and at the time I’d have done anything to try and make it right. When I commit to something or someone, it’s difficult for me to give up. I’ve never been someone who relents easily.
Eventually, my ex became pregnant again. I was foolish to believe it was exactly what we needed to help us get over our marital struggles. I thought maybe with another child to ground her, my wife would finally find the peace she’d been needing but lacked. I’d prayed her case of wanderlust had been satiated, and she’d finally devote herself to our family as I had.
She’d been a terrible parent to Kadence, never wanting to fill the role of a nurturing mother. I’d found an amazing nanny. She didn’t take her mom’s place, but she created a safe barrier for Kadence and me to lean on. I should’ve known my ex would never change, that another child wasn’t the answer to any of our deep-seated issues. Still, I held out hope until she was in labor.
I’ll never forget the day her water broke, and we’d rushed to the hospital—her in misery and me overflowing with excitement. I was going to have a son. My own little boy to raise strong and fill with love. I’d teach him to play football and how to build anything his heart desired. I silently swore to myself that I’d be home more and figure out some way to make it happen because they meant everything to me. I’d move our family closer to the stadium, so I would travel less. I’d do anything for my family and anything to make our relationship work.
I’d held her hand, whispering words of comfort and praise as she’d been in labor. I stood beside her, desperate to be the rock she needed. I’d prayed and wished to take on the pain she was feeling while giving birth. I kept telling her I was proud of her and how beautifully fierce she was giving birth to our son.
The boy was born, and with him, the façade of trust and family came crashing down.
He wasn’t mine.
I took one look at him and knew the rumors were true.
She’d been sleeping with one of my teammates.
He didn’t belong to me, and neither did she.
The child looked nothing like me, not that I’d expect a tiny baby to, but the skin color didn’t match. I knew then that I’d been ultimately deceived, made to believe she was pregnant with my son.
Kadence was the only one I cared about, and I made it known. She was my daughter, the only person in this world who I knew would never let me down, and with that knowledge, a wall formed around my heart.
With my ex-wife’s absence, seeing her in the media from afar, I grew to loath her existence. With each new picture of her on the arm of other players, doubt began to slither into the back of my mind. The more I looked at Kadence, the more I realized she didn’t look like me. We were different yet had the same mannerisms. It didn’t blossom from genetics but from learned behaviors. She’d been by my side her entire tiny existence. Of course, she acted like me, like she was mine.
I secretly had a paternity test done to discover she didn’t belong to me either. None of it mattered, though. I’m on her birth certificate, and she’d been mine her entire life. Paternity didn’t matter when it came to her. She believed in her heart I was her father, and that would never change. I threatened my ex-wife that I’d completely ruin her if she ever told Kadence any differently. She’d agreed, not knowing who Kadence’s real father was anyhow, but it’s also the reason she got nothing from me in the divorce. I’d have cared for her for the rest of her life had she not betrayed me so deeply. The wounds cut, festering to make me silently rage inside. You don’t just stop loving someone no matter how much they hurt you, that care is still there, and it was that way with my ex.
Kadence eventually left for college, and with it, my sense of purpose. I’d retired from football, and my little girl had grown up. I took to the road and found a bloody, dark path while attempting to expel my pent-up rage. I rode aimlessly for long periods, looking for trouble, begging it to find me. Eventually, the Oath Keepers came a knocking, or I should say, roaring. I was in a bad place at a bad time, and they stepped in to help. They saw the caged beast trapped in chaos, looking for freedom and redemption, and they set him free.
I’ve been an Oath Keeper ever since.
I’m Chaos.
Chapter 4
With a yawn, I pull myself out of bed and head straight for the shower. I’m going to make a stop by RBMC and see if a certain sassy bartender’s working. I could use a bit of her fire before my ride to Alabama.
Feeling a bit more refreshed since my shower, I head to the bar and say my goodbyes. “I’ll be on my usual route,” I tell Viking. He knew this trip was coming, so he nods at me.
“Stopping in Louisiana for the night, then on to Alabama tomorrow?” he asks. I confirm, and he claps my hand, pulling it in to shake. “You see Bash or any other any Kings of Carnage members on your way, tell ‘em we said to stop in and have a beer sometime. Ride easy, hit us up so we know you’re straight.”
“You got it, brother,” I reply, thankful our MC cares enough to know if I’ve made it somewhere. If I ever needed something, any of them wouldn’t hesitate to have my back, and that’s a good feeling to have.
Over the years, we’ve steadily been building up our allies as well as our enemies. The Kings of Carnage MC out of Georgia, Forsaken Liberty MC out of Lufkin, Twisted Grit MC in northern California, Cali Sinners MC, Menace Mayhem MC out of Alaska, as well as some of the Royal Bastards members have all joined the fold as our allies. The main clubs we’ve had issues with aside from the Cartel are the Iron Fists MC, Widow Makers MC, and the Twisted Snakes MC. The Widow Makers are no more since we patched them over under Viking’s rule, but that doesn’t mean it may not pop back up in the future with Viking’s blessing. A couple of our Nomads just had a run-in with the Twisted Snakes after we’d thought they’d basically disappeared. It just goes to show, you never know when those pests will surface again and create drama. They seem to fester like an immortal cockroach.