And with that, I shoved all the paperwork I’d brought with me today onto the counter, closed my attaché case, then stepped back and away from the bar.
As I walked toward the door, however, Steel called out, “He’s at the hospital if you wanted to know where Rex is.”
Like I didn’t know that already.
I didn’t turn around, just bit off, “Didn’t realize you’d turned into Cupid, Steel.”
I heard them hooting at him as I left, but the tension didn’t leave my bones until I walked down the driveway and was out of sight of the Prospect that was on gate duty.
That was when I puked.
And though the Sinners didn’t see, Emile, my goddamn driver, did.
Fuck.
THREE
RACHEL
WEST ORANGE GENERAL HOSPITAL
Ever since I’d heard the blast, ever since I’d run from my house to the compound with thoughts of Rex being no more, of us no longer sharing this earth, ever since I’d found Bear in pieces, ever since, ever fucking since then, I’d been less than my usual self.
I was still a control freak, but emotions had begun making an appearance.
A little like the cracks that global warming was making in the Thwaites Glacier, they’d begun to weave themselves into my personality.
I didn’t like it.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t much I could do to stop it from happening.
Grief and anxiety, anger and fear, need and love, they were coursing through my veins, lighting up parts of me that I’d purposely put in the deep freeze, destabilizing areas that needed to be stable for me to function.
Gnawing on my lip as I made my way to Bear’s ward, the urge to see Rex was strong.
I’d been fighting that urge for days, but after church, after the mess the MC was trying to wade through with their main kingmaker out of action while he sat with his dad, I just needed to see him.
Pathetic.
“So fucking pathetic, Rachel,” I groused in the hope that speaking to myself in the third person would wake me up.
No dice.
“Hi Kian,” I greeted one of the staff once I’d walked into the ICU.
I knew him from school, and he’d been semi-decent to me back then so I saw no need to ignore him now.
“Hi Rachel. Happy holidays!”
I was sick of the goodwill already. When would this interminable season be over?
Pinning a false smile on my face, it was on the tip of my tongue to ask him what a loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, stomach aches, and weight loss could mean, but I didn’t want to know.
I really didn’t.
It was there, a shadow at the back of my mind, but I had other fish to fry.
Those fishes were shaped like two Presidents of the Satan’s Sinners.
“Any news?” I asked softly.
We both twisted so we could look at the window that exposed Rex and Bear to the corridor.
In all the months that Bear had been in here, little had changed apart from the number of bandages that covered his face.
It didn’t inspire hope.
Rex looked depressed and exhausted—small wonder.
“Some good news, actually. He’s slowly but surely making progress. The doctors want to start reducing the meds that keep him in a coma so they can begin the process of waking him up.”
I cut Bear another look.
That was supposed to be progress?
“What’s the prognosis?”
“There isn’t one, Rachel,” he said with a sigh as if I were being greedy in asking for a miracle. It made me wish Stone were here. I knew she’d have been liaising with Rex, but that was why I’d attended church so Rex could be at the hospital where he was needed. “It’s time. That’s all we need. Each day is a step forward.”
Why did it look like he was stagnating then?
I bit my lip to stem the tide of thoughts that I shouldn’t be thinking.
Memories kept flooding me lately.
Bear’s booming laugh as he revved his engine and raced off the compound.
The cackles of glee as he and Rex worked on their hogs together, shooting the shit and drinking the grog he made at Christmastime that was sixty proof.
His intimidating presence in the bar where men gathered around him like he was the emperor of all he surveyed.
That was not even night and day to the sight of him now. It was enough to make me start grieving him while he was alive—how horrendous was that?
“His heart’s a risk factor,” Kian murmured, unaware of my thoughts. “Another cardiac arrest like the last one and that’s…” He sighed. “We have to be positive, Rachel.”
Did we though?
I hummed under my breath. “So, this positive news means he’s going to be pulled out of the medically induced coma?”
“Yes. There could be periods of wakefulness, but they’ll be few and far between to start with.”
Limiting my expectations, I nodded. “Thanks, Kian. I appreciate you sharing that with me.”
“No worries. I know he’s like a father to you.”
In the absence of Axel, my stepdad, Bear was all I had left so he was right on that front.
He shuffled over to me, Crocs squeaking against the linoleum.
I stared at him in surprise when he reached over and pressed a hand to my shoulder. “Yes?” I asked coldly.
Kian’s smile was, in a word, winsome.
At least, I thought that was what he was going for.
Mostly, it looked like a man who wanted to get into a woman’s panties.
He hadn’t been too horrendous to me in high school, but that didn’t mean I was interested.
“If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
I arched a brow. “Why would I talk to you about anything?”
Something flickered in his eyes. “It can help to talk to someone with distance from the situation.”
I made a show of glancing between the ward and Kian. “Yes, some distance. You’re miles away from it.”
He patted my shoulder this time, the gesture patronizing.
God, I hated men sometimes.
“Honestly, Rachel, it’s good to talk.”
“Does this work?”
“Does what work?”
“This? This act? Like you really give a damn.” I snorted. “Try to play doctor and nurses with someone else, Kian. I’m not interested.”
He scowled down at me. “There’s no need to be a bitch, Rachel.”
My lips twitched. “Wondered when the ‘bitch’ would come out. Men are so unimaginative,” I said scornfully as I stepped into him, moving fast enough that he backed up against the nurse’s desk. “I’m a bitch because I have no desire in ‘talking’ through my feelings and letting you pity fuck me to make me feel better? I’m a bitch because I can see straight through you?
“Consider yourself lucky that I don’t report you for inappropriate behavior with the family of a patient.”
“Jesus, you’re crazy. Talk about reading me wrong—”
“I read you exactly right,” I spat, sneering at him. “And unfortunately for you, Kian, my word means more in this town than yours does.” I reached up when his head jerked back like he’d been slapped. I pressed my finger to the tip of his nose. “I have to wonder how many other inappropriate liaisons you’ve instigated—”