Was this supposed to be so fucking hard?
Like always, fear shadowed me.
That I’d be like my mom.
That I was just as crappy at parenting as she was.
She’d have let the silence continue too.
She’d have made me do all the work because she didn’t care.
She never cared—
“Rex tells me you play the piano,” I blurted out, refusing to listen to that stupid inner voice for much longer.
I didn’t have to be like Mom.
I was me.
I was Rachel.
“I do,” Wynter murmured.
Nerves still taut, I rasped, “I always wanted to play the piano.”
“You did?”
“I did. Classes were too expensive though.”
“You could learn now.”
“I’m too busy—” My brow furrowed as a thought occurred to me. “I guess you make time for things that matter though, don’t you?”
“Work’s your mother’s priority.”
Rex’s voice was flat enough that it made my cheeks flush then blanch. I wasn’t sure if he’d meant to sound so critical, but it came out that way. Which, to be frank, was bullshit. Many people could judge me for being a workaholic but the pot calling kettle black was appropriate here.
“It’s something we both lean on,” was my only retort, and I tried to keep my own voice as toneless as possible.
“I think that’s normal. In my history class, the teacher was talking about how societal evolution means that we’re not fighting for survival anymore but our instincts are still there, so we push ourselves into work because that’s another, more modern, means of surviving.”
Her history teacher needed to stick to the curriculum.
Not that I said that.
Those were two or three sentences she’d uttered that I hadn’t had to pry out of her.
After I cleared my throat, I said, “Survival comes in many shapes and sizes. I-I actually just hired someone to help me out with some things so maybe I could take classes?”
I didn’t know why I’d voiced that as a question.
I sure as hell wasn’t asking permission from Rex.
“That’d be good if you could take some time for yourself,” he rumbled.
Closing my eyes at the sound of his voice, the relief hitting me that he was talking and not just being a jackass, that he might forgive the messenger and not keep on shooting at me, I murmured, “Yeah. Lily’s a godsend so I might be able to start soon.” I didn’t know if it was something I was saying to fill in the gaps or if I meant it. I’d figure it out later.
This was worse than the oral exam in French class.
“Who’s Lily?” Wynter asked.
“The girlfriend of one of your father’s friends.” A gasp escaped me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to call him that—”
“It’s okay, Rachel,” Wynter said calmly.
It wasn’t okay.
“To me, he is your dad,” I whispered miserably. “I wasn’t thinking. Truly, Wynter, I apologize.”
“Honestly, it’s fine. I understand.”
How could she?
“Calm down, Rachel,” Rex said gruffly. “It’s a learning curve.”
That meant he found it hard too.
Relieved again, I decided to change the subject back to the one I’d derailed. “Link’s one of Rex’s closest friends. He and a bunch of other guys here grew up together and now, they help him with his businesses.”
“Businesses? Do you own a porn studio like they do in Sons of Anarchy?”
My eyes flared wide as Rex started choking as he coughed.
Seeing as he was going to be no help, I blurted out, “No! They don’t own a porn studio. Aren’t you too young to be watching Sons of Anarchy?”
“I’m seventeen.” Wynter snorted. “Plus, who’s going to stop me?”
It could have sounded bitter, but it wasn’t.
It was… playful.
She was amused at our shock.
Because Rex was still spluttering like an idiot, I tried to streamline things again. “They have a bar and a garage, a club—” No way was I telling her it was a titty bar. “—and then there’s the diner. They just bought a motel too and are in the process of developing a microbrewery.”
“Really?” I heard Wynter’s surprise. “That’s a lot of businesses, Rex.”
“Yeah, it’s a lot of responsibility.”
“Shouldn’t you be there?”
Rex’s answer was instantaneous. “I’m where I need to be.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t need to look at Wynter to know she was blushing.
“Lily is,” I continued into the silence, “very smart, and Giulia reminded me of that so I brought her in to help me with some of the licensing and some of the more political maneuvering that’s needed here in town.”
That had probably gone over Wynter’s head, but Rex asked, “You talking about the mayor’s election?”
“I am. Do you know what NGOs are, Wynter?”
“Like charities, right?”
“Yes. I manage some of those, and though she’s only been here a week or so, Lily has already proven herself to be invaluable in helping me out with them. I-I think you know that I’m a defense attorney?”
“I do.”
“Well, unfortunately, a lot of the crowd I know are criminals, whereas Lily is a Lindenbourg so she knows the Manhattan socialites.
“I have a gala coming up soon and I wish Lily had been around when I was planning it. It would have been twice the size with all the people she’d have invited.”
“Can’t you get a bigger venue?” Wynter asked, her curiosity clear.
“The hotel upgraded us to a different suite, but it’s too late for anything bigger sadly. But there’s always next year, isn’t there?” I asked brightly.
“There is,” Wynter agreed.
“We’ve been upgraded to another room, but it’s still smaller than it should be.”
“I have to admit that I’m surprised. Do you work with charities because you feel bad about helping criminals when they’re guilty?”
My throat felt thick, and as I stared at the privacy screen in front of me, my eyes blurred.
A shaken breath spilled from my lips as shame and mortification went to war deep inside me.
I didn’t think she’d meant to cut into me, but she had.
She really fucking had.
And Rex wasn’t saying a word.
“Rachel?”
Again with the curiosity.
It made me realize she wasn’t trying to be cruel. Her words weren’t intentionally barbed.
That didn’t make them hurt less.
“A lot of bad things have happened to me in my life,” I said, voice wobbling. “If I can stop them from happening to someone else, or if I can make things better for other people, at least I’ll have accomplished something.”
“So it isn’t to do with the people you take as clients? Because surely their victims are the ones who need help?”
“N-No,” I muttered. “Everyone has the basic right to a defense.”