VICTORIA
“What’s this place?” I squinted my eyes against the brightness of the room that seemed to reflect the sunlight no matter where I looked. There was a weird taste in my mouth, and my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. I looked over at the two people in the room who didn’t seem to have heard me and realized that I’d said the words internally and not out loud.
When I did try to speak, my lips seemed weirdly stuck together. I was in that strange place between sleep and wake, just before the fog lifts completely, and it took a few tries to clear my head before reality dawned. The last thing I remember was getting off the plane, but I have no idea how long ago that was or what the hell happened between then and now.
The events leading up to the plane ride came back in bits and spurts, and I cleared my throat to speak again. “Where’s Jimmy?” The two people in the room didn’t answer, just kept staring at me without saying or doing anything. I started to think they were mannequins before one of them blinked. What the hell?
“What? Who are you?” I tried moving, and that’s when true panic set in. My arms and legs were chained to the bed beneath me. What the hell? I felt real fear for the first time as I struggled to free myself. Pulling against the chains only made them cut into my flesh but did nothing to help release me, and the chains were done in such a way that I could hardly move at all, which only made the panic and fear intensified.
“Where am I?” Why aren’t they answering me? I know they heard me because their eyes looked in my direction each time I spoke, but they were acting like I wasn’t even in the room. Then they started whispering to each other while looking at me, and the fear made my tummy hurt.
I tried looking around the room to gauge my surroundings, but it was too bright, and I couldn’t make out anything other than the two people whom I’d never seen before. I don’t think I’ve ever felt real fear before that moment. It’s hard to explain. There were no outward signs of danger, just a sense that I was at the mercy of someone else. That’s the thought that kept playing through my mind as seconds ticked by.
There were no sounds in the room or beyond, nothing to tell me what kind of place this was. I gather it’s some kind of hospital because of the medical smocks the room’s two occupants wore, but there was nothing else to go on. No machines that beeped, not even that sick hospital smell you associate with those places. And the brightness of the room made it almost impossible to keep my eyes open for any length of time.
I kept closing and opening them until my vision adjusted somewhat, but it was painful, to say the least. Once my sight cleared up, it was obvious that what I thought was sunlight was actually fluorescent lighting that painted the room in a too bright glow. How the hell did they get the walls so white?
Whatever drug I’d been given was starting to wear off, but my body still felt odd, heavy, and weighed down. I had a feeling I knew where I was, but it was too farfetched to believe. Why would Jimmy let them bring me here, and where the hell is he? I threw out more questions, anything that came to mind, and still, the two of them acted as if they couldn’t hear me.
I felt even more afraid when they just stood up a few minutes later and left the room without a word. I didn’t know what to think, how to feel, other than fear. The only thing keeping me from losing it completely is the fact that Jimmy knows I’m here, so whatever this was, I won’t be left here to rot. But where exactly is here?
I needed to use the bathroom in the worst way and screamed out as much, but no one came. I laid there for what felt like hours, screaming until my throat grew raw, and still no one entered the room. I couldn’t hold it any longer and ended up soiling myself, which made the whole experience that much more horrifying. What was even scarier was all the time; I had to think, to second guess, and to worry.
My thoughts kept jumping from one extreme to the next, each one worse than the last. They ran the gamut from anger to fear and back again until I finally felt defeated. A part of me was sure this wasn’t real. Things like this only happen in the movies, right. There’s no way anyone could get away with locking me away somewhere; it’s just not possible.
“Where am I? You can’t keep me here.” The chains cut into my hands when I struggled until I’m sure they drew blood, but still, no one came. I kept at it until I grew tired to the point of exhaustion then passed out again from sheer frustration and terror. I’m not sure how long I was out this time because when I awoke, the room still looked the same. I looked around as much as my position allowed but saw nothing.
There was nothing but the empty room with that strange light that reflected off the walls. I tried listening for anything, but there was no sound other than the rapid pace of my breathing. A psych ward, I’m pretty sure that’s where I was, and the thought filled me with so much fear I almost passed out again.
I fought to stay awake this time and tried to make sense of what was going on around me. I waited for the two strangers to return, but they didn’t; no one came. From what little I could see, there were no windows in the room. I was in a box, it felt like. I had to fight to keep the moans that tickled my throat from escaping my lungs, but there was nothing to stop the tears that fell.
I couldn’t even hold onto my anger for any length of time because the fear was too real, too prevalent. The not knowing was almost too much to bear, and all I kept wondering was how my life had come to this. I wanted to be angry, to do what I always do when I feel threatened in some way, but I couldn’t even dredge up enough anger to hold onto. The only thing I felt was fear.
I pleaded and begged outwardly and inwardly, but no one came. My yells and screams echoed around the room, but only I seemed to hear. I went in and out of consciousness too many times to count before I grew too tired to continue, and each time I awakened to that same brightness in the room. “Hello. Is anyone there?” Nothing!
I don’t know how long I stayed awake this time, but I knew if this went on much longer, I’d really go insane. I didn’t hear the door open or any kind of sound, but it seemed I blinked, and the next minute there was someone standing beside the cot I’d been laid out on.
“Who are you, people? What am I doing here?” Nothing! He, she, it, I couldn’t tell what it was, just pulled a stool closer and sat with a bowl of what looked like oatmeal. It had a sickly-sweet look on its face when it pressed a button, and the cot raised until I was in an almost seated position. “Do you talk? Say something.”
Again, nothing; it just lifted a spoon to my lips which I held closed. I don’t like oatmeal; I never did. Just the mere texture of it makes me want to barf. But it kept pushing the spoon past my lips until I gagged. “Are you a robot?” The damn thing kept that stupid look on its face as it raised the spoon again. What the hell? Maybe I’m dreaming. Let me see, what’s the last thing that happened?
I was on the plane, there was that stupid video and the picture in the bathroom, what else? Did I really lose my shit? Is that why they brought me here? Was anyone looking for me? Jimmy, Becky, anyone? While I was trying to put the pieces together in my head, this thing was steadily trying to feed me wall paint disguised as food, and the more I resisted, the more it persisted until I really did throw up in my throat.