The cousin I’d been so close to through my childhood stared at me with disgust in his eyes. Almost as much disgust as he’d had for Morelli.
Betrayal and shame burned through me.
Silas didn’t hang around to make sure I was okay, just stalked out of there without a goodbye. Yeah, it was definite. The one final member of my family who didn’t wish I’d rot in hell, besides my cousin Harriet who loved everything with a pulse, had written me off. Silas was now on team hate Elaine with the rest of them. Great. What an achievement.
With shaking hands, I took my phone back out of my clutch and ordered an Uber. Ironically I wasn’t planning on hitting any clubs tonight. Wasn’t planning on dancing. Instead I would curl up with the Real Housewives of Wherever the Fuck and a pint of ice cream. It didn’t make any difference. I could’ve partied at every club in New York City, and it wouldn’t have meant shit to the self-loathing in my eyes as I stared in the mirror.
If only everyone knew the truth.
If only they knew the filth that had turned me into the woman I’d grown up to be.
But it was too late for that.
It was too late for anything other than to destroy myself as quickly as possible. Maybe one day I’d finally pluck up enough courage to change things.
Maybe not.
Chapter Four
Lucian
I should’ve gone straight to Violent Delights and found a woman to scene with. That’s the beauty of having your own personal BDSM club—you treat it like one. Everyone in there was mine. They belonged to me, just like the building they were playing filthy games in.
They just didn’t know it.
It was the perfect addition to my portfolio. I didn’t have to lift a finger to oversee the place. Clark Ventana did all the grunt work, and I cashed in on the profits. It was my kind of team.
It meant nothing to me that night.
My chauffeur pulled up at the rear of the Constantine compound and opened the back door for me. My right-hand man, Trenton Alto, answered on the first ring as I dropped into the leather.
“I want one of Rex’s girls. Now.” I breathed in Elaine’s scent on my fingers, imagining I was still with her. “Blonde. Blue eyes. Young.”
He cleared his throat. “Where do you want her?”
The sweep of Bishop’s Landing was outside the windows when I gave my answer. I’d had enough of it. I needed the hub of the city. “Manhattan.”
“Sure thing. I’ll have her over within the hour.”
I ended the call and leaned back in the seat, thinking of Elaine’s mouth on mine. Her hot little moans. I would fuck some nameless, faceless woman and pretend she was Elaine.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur changed the route.
It was the third of my properties, positioned right at the heart of New York. At least the blonde would get a nice skyline view while I played with her.
I pulled my mask off and dumped it out the window long before the car pulled up outside the main entrance. I took a deep breath of city air before I reached the doors and stepped inside. I loved the city. I loved the buzz; I loved the life; I loved the thrill. Sure, I’d traveled the globe plenty through my thirty-five years on this planet, but nowhere had ever captured me like this place.
The team at reception tipped their heads as I walked on by. I held up a hand and paced through to the elevator.
I reached level thirty-two in a flash after giving a nod to the overhead camera as I passed level thirty-one. My security team is on constant high alert. Anyone trying to get to my suite would never make it without being stopped and shot. My drug dealer and erstwhile pimp Rex Halloway would be plenty safe with the whore I ordered in his grip, but very few people could say the same. No one had access. Family only.
I was standing at my main suite windows, surveying the city lights, when the buzz of my door sounded. Rex arrived well within the hour. Excellent service. So it should be, since I was paying a fortune for this. He gave me a nod and gestured at the girl for my approval.
She was small. Pretty.
And scared.
Something was wrong. She kept her eyes on the floor as Rex prodded her inside.
“She’s a real sweet one. New to the business, if you know what I mean.”
The girl didn’t know what to do. She was wearing a slip of lace, white and sweet, and trembling like the apartment was freezing. “Leave us alone.”
Rex left.
There’s fun to be had in directing some pain and punishment. But this one—she looked like she’d already had enough. She’d be no substitute for Elaine. Elaine had wanted me, kissed me like she’d needed me. There was no hope of even an initiation from Rex’s girl.
Change of plans.
“What’s your name?” I asked her, and her voice was a delicate quiver when she answered.
“Natalie, sir.”
“Come sit down.”
I strode back through to the main living room, then turned back. She stood by the door, uncertainty in her eyes.
“Sit here.”
She came across the room, her steps light and dainty. She looked relieved to sit, but it was short-lived. Her eyes latched onto a throw blanket that hung over the back of the sofa. I picked it up and dropped it over her lap.
Confusion.
Natalie looked from the blanket to me. “This isn’t what Rex said would happen.”
“How old are you?” I asked, and her eyes stayed fixed on mine.
“Eighteen, sir.”
“And this is your first night out.”
“Yes.” She clenched her jaw tight to keep from crying. I’d seen that expression on some of the girls at Violent Delights. It was a big, flashing sign. Crying was to be expected at a BDSM club. Trying not to cry before the play had even started?
Irritating. On the surface I was annoyed that Rex had brought me someone this breakable. But underneath, I was…pissed. That I wasn’t with Elaine, doing what rich people do after events like Tinsley’s birthday. Fucking in a hotel room. Going to drive-throughs in formal wear.
Wanting to do those things with Elaine was against everything I stood for.
Natalie’s presence in my apartment became a distraction in an instant. I couldn’t let my mind wander over Elaine’s body with Natalie clutching at the blanket on my sofa.
“What do you owe?”
She blinked, shrinking down under the blanket, pulling it up to shield herself. “I don’t think I’m supposed to talk about that.”
“You’re in my apartment now. Tell me.”
Natalie’s shoulders let down a fraction. Lots of the girls were like that. Relieved not to have a choice. “Ten thousand dollars.”
The amount was nothing to me. Less than nothing. Like a ripped-up dollar bill. But Natalie’s face went pink, then red, and she looked down into her lap to disguise the tears gathering in her eyes.
“How’d you end up owing that much money, Natalie?”
Her eyes met mine again, and she took a determined breath. “I was trying to save for college. A guy in my neighborhood said I could earn some money delivering packages.” Jesus, the innocence. “One night I got mugged, and—”
“And now you have to pay for lost merchandise.”
“Yeah.”
She looked so fucking mortified.