8
Kat
True to his word, Lev pretty much disappears from my life. There are moments when I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, and every time that happens, hope bubbles up in my belly.
But that hope is quickly followed by a not-so-little pang of disappointment when I turn around and realize it’s not him. Realize he meant it when he said I wouldn’t see him again. It doesn’t stop me from thinking about him, though. That hasn’t changed. Well, maybe it’s gotten worse, but I’m hoping my trip to the drug store on my way home from work will put my mind at ease.
Rachel is unpacking groceries when I walk in a little after nine at night. She’s working a late shift tonight.
“Hey,” she says when she sees me.
I set my bag down to help her unpack. We split the grocery shopping, so we each go once a week, and then we split the cost down the middle, which works really well.
“How was work?” she asks.
“Long. But I got decent tips tonight.”
I open one of the plastic bags, and my stomach turns when I smell fish.
“Salmon was on sale. I got two pieces,” Rachel says with a proud smile. “You liked it last time.”
I did. I do. But tonight, I’m going to be sick. “I just ate at the diner,” I lie. “Maybe we can freeze it?”
“Sure.” We unpack the groceries, and I’m holding my breath almost the entire time. As soon as everything’s put away, I pick up my things and go into the bathroom. I lock the door that leads to Rachel’s bedroom and take out my purchase. I count the days again, although I’ve already counted a dozen times.
Lev and I had sex four times. We used a condom two of those times. I’d just finished my period three days before, so there’s really no way. I mean, there’s really, really no way I can be pregnant. It would be insanely unlucky.
Although hasn’t that always been the sort of luck I attract?
I’ve gone back and forth with this logic for days now, and there’s no denying the fact that I’m late.
I take the pregnancy test out of its package and set it down on the toilet to pee on the stick. I know how this goes. It’s not the first time I’ve done this. But it’s been four years since I’ve had a scare.
The results show up pretty quickly. I know it says to wait, but I know it’s almost immediate. And like I knew it would, that little pink plus sign shows up right away.
My heart sinks into my belly. I drop the stick in the sink and grab the second test and pee on that, too. There’s a third one in the box too, but I don’t bother. I have my answer. Had it before these little plus signs.
I’m pregnant.
A knock on the door startles me. “Kat, you okay in there?” Rachel asks.
Crap. “Yeah. Sorry, I know you need to shower before work. I’ll be out in a sec.”
Cleaning up, I pick up the tests and drop them back into their box and then put the box back into the plastic bag. I wash my hands and walk back into my bedroom to process.
I’m pregnant.
I’m pregnant with Lev’s baby.
“Shit.”
My hands shake as I pick up my phone, and with fingers shaking so badly, it takes three attempts to get my text to Nina to make sense.
Me: I need to see you.
No answer even though she’s online.
I start to type another message but decide to call her instead. The call goes right to voicemail. “Nina. Fuck.” A sob escapes. “I really need to see you. I’m on my way.”
Pulling on my pink scarf and jacket, I rush out of the apartment and run to the bus stop. It’s raining again. Sheets of it drenching me, but I barely notice. A woman I run into here almost daily says hello, but I can’t manage my usual smile. At least the bus is on time tonight, and I’m grateful for the burst of heat when I get inside.
Pregnant.
I’m pregnant.
I walk down the aisle, catching myself on the back of a chair when the bus lurches forward. My gaze slides to the seats reserved for the elderly and pregnant women.
I’m fucking pregnant.
“Fuck.”
I sit down at the back of the bus and stare absently out the window. I’m in a daze for the entire ride, and only when I’m getting off the bus does my phone vibrate in my back pocket.
I reach back to grab it.
Nina: Not a good time. Parents are having the mother of all fights.
Me: I’m already here. A block away. I really need to talk to you.
It’s darker than usual on Nina’s street. The lamps seem to be broken out, but maybe it’s just the rain. A dark van is parked a few houses away. I notice it because it’s so out of place with its blacked-out windows.
I’m about to walk up to the front door when I hear Nina’s mom and dad. They’re arguing. And it’s loud. Even with the windows closed, I can hear them.
“Kat,” Nina calls out from her upstairs window. Her room is dark, which is strange. I guess she was waiting for me. “Come around back.”
I nod and slip around, my Chucks getting stuck in the muddy lawn. The fighting grows louder when I open the back door, and I hear Nina’s mom asking her dad how he could be so stupid.
I take my muddy shoes off and leave them at the back door. Making as little noise as possible, I creep up the stairs to find Nina waiting with her door open. Her parents fight a lot, and she usually takes it in stride, but tonight, something’s different.
“Hey,” I say.
She puts her finger to her lips and pulls me into her room. She closes and locks the door.
When I go to flip the light switch, she stops me.
“You okay?” I ask her, suddenly worried about her. I slip off my scarf and set my purse down but don’t take my jacket off.
“You can’t be here, Kat.”
“What’s going on?”
Her face is pale, and she looks like she might throw up. She gets up and opens her desk drawer, but instead of looking inside it, she bends down to slide her hand underneath it, and when she turns to me, I see she’s holding a flash drive.
“What’s that?”
“I stole it from my dad’s study. It’s what they’re fighting about.”
“What is it?”
“Fuck, Kat. I’m going to be sick.” She hands the drive to me and rushes into her bathroom. I hear her retch, and the sound makes me nauseous, but I go in after her to at least hold her hair back.
“What’s going on, Nina?”
“My dad did something really stupid. So freaking stupid.” She’s crying, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth.
I wet a washcloth and hand it to her.
“What did he do?”
“Stole something.”
I look down at what I’m holding then back at her.
“You need to get out of here. They’re coming. If they don’t find it, maybe they’ll believe him when he tells them he doesn’t have it. I doubt it. They’ll beat the shit out of him but—”
“Who? Who’s coming?”
We both hear a vehicle then, and she runs ahead of me to her bedroom window. “Shit!” She turns to me before I make it to see outside. “You need to go. Now!”