“Are we still on for this weekend?” he asks.
“Uh…” She shifts her feet and stares off into the distance.
“Katie’s busy this weekend,” I answer for her. “And every weekend for the foreseeable future.”
Her mouth falls open as she glares at me, and Luke looks like he’s tempted to challenge my assertion. Something that won’t end well for him.
“C’mon, Katie.” I press my palm against her lower back and urge her forward. “Josh is hungry.”
Luke stands there like a fucking moron, gaping at us as we leave him behind. Only once we’re out of earshot does she whisper under her breath.
“You didn’t have to be such a dick to him.”
“I wanted to get my point across.” I hoist Josh down from my shoulders and into his car seat. But when it comes to buckling him in, that’s where I realize I’m fucking lost.
“Here.” Kat shoves me out of the way. “You have to do it a certain way.”
I watch over her shoulder as she secures him into the seat, tugging on the straps until they are snug. It might be a little issue, but it feels like a big fucking deal to me. I should know how to do this.
I’m trapped inside my own thoughts as I open the door for Kat and buckle her in. At least that much I can do. When I start the Jeep, she gives me directions to the pizza place. It’s still early, but neither of us has eaten since this morning anyway.
When I pull into the lot and cut the engine, she turns to me. “Should we order it to go?”
“Noooo!” Josh protests. “I want to play games!”
I shrug. “Sounds like the boy wants to play some games.”
Kat doesn’t look as sold on the idea, and I can tell she’s still nervous. She feels protective of Josh as a good mother should. But she needs to come to an understanding that the last person she needs to protect him from is me.
Inside, the waitress seats us and takes our order. Josh can hardly sit still long enough to tell her he wants pepperoni pizza before he’s begging to go play some games.
“How about after dinner?” She tries to reason with him.
“I’ll take him.” I stand and hold out my hand for his, and to my relief, he takes it. Kat scrambles out of the booth behind us and follows us to the Whac-A-Mole game. I throw in a few quarters, and Josh giggles as he tries to squash the moles.
“You can’t just undermine whatever I say,” she whispers while he’s distracted. “It will make him think he doesn’t have to listen to me.”
“Relax.” I reach between us and squeeze her hand. “It’s my first day. I just want him to have fun.”
Her expression softens a fraction, and she nods in understanding. “Okay, but let’s not make it a habit.”
Josh finishes the game and then bolts toward another one. We find a few that I can actually play with him, and he gets a real kick out of it when he actually beats me. The sacrifice of my pride is worth every giggle. By the time we eat our pizza and have another round of games, Kat informs me it’s almost his bedtime.
“Already?” I glance at my phone.
“He’s only three,” she says. “He has a routine, and I don’t want to disrupt that.”
I nod. “Alright, buddy. You heard your mom. Time to go.”
Josh pouts but does as he’s told. Kat helps him into his coat, and I pay the bill before we head back to her house. When we get there, she goes about the process of his nightly routine, which I discover is a bath and brushing his teeth before he hops into bed.
“Ready for story time?” she asks.
He nods with a yawn, and I lean against the doorframe in his room. “Mind if I read tonight?”
Kat hesitates, glancing at the book in her hands. “Would that be okay, Josh?”
Josh smiles, and I settle next to Kat on the bed, my leg brushing against hers when she hands me the book. She glances down between us but doesn’t move away as I expected she might.
“I hope you’re good at voices,” she says with an attempt at levity. “Josh likes his stories pretty animated.”
“I think I can make it work.” I wink at him as I turn to the first page. “Now let’s see about these gorillas.”
17
Kat
I leave Lev to read but stand just outside the bedroom listening as he makes all the sounds of the different characters. In spite of myself, I have to smile at some of them, and hearing Josh giggle is what triggers it.
He won’t hurt Josh, and I know that. I’m not afraid of that at all, actually. But there is another thought niggling at me. Would he try to take Josh away from me?
Just the thought makes me shudder, and I hug my arms to myself. I walk into the kitchen and put the kettle on to make tea. Past my reflection in the window, a flurry of snow falls to the ground. I’m not sure if it’s the wind rustling up the already fallen snow or if it’s the next front that’s predicted.
I focus on my face in the glass. I look pale and tired.
The kettle whistles, startling me. I hurry to take it off the flame and set it on the back burner while spooning loose jasmine green tea into a tea bag. Setting that into the teapot Josh and I painted together at the local ceramic shop, I pour hot water over it.
When I next look up, my face isn’t the only one in the window.
My breath catches as I turn, and I meet Lev’s eyes. The cabin isn’t big, it’s just right for Josh and me, but with Lev here, it looks tiny. Like a dollhouse. He’s a hulking figure in the kitchen, and just his size alone makes my belly flip. I don’t want to want this. Want him. Didn’t the violence of the afternoon prove to me how bad he is for me? For us?
But I can’t deny that being near him does something to me.
“He’s a sweet kid,” Lev says, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. “You did good.”
I’m surprised by the compliment. Not that I think I’ve done badly with Josh, but just that he’s saying that.
“Thanks,” I say, busying myself with taking out the tea bag. It should steep longer, but I don’t know what to do with my hands. “Tea?” I ask when I turn around.
“Do you have something stronger?”
“Um…” I look around the kitchen, then remember the almost-full bottle of vodka in the freezer. Luke had brought it a long time ago. I can’t even remember the occasion because I don’t drink much in general. “Here,” I say, taking it out, deciding not to mention it’s from Luke.
He takes the bottle and reads the label. “It’ll do, but we’ll get some good stuff tomorrow.”
“I don’t really drink. There’s no need.”
“I do drink,” he says. Is that his way of telling me he’s staying?
I get him a glass. “Do you want ice?”
He shakes his head. “It’s cold enough.”
I stand there, not quite sure what to do.
“Sit down, Katerina.”
“Why? Do I make you nervous with all these sharp knives around?”
His lips curl upward. “I can repeat this afternoon’s lesson if you need me to.” He pushes the chair out with his foot. “Sit.”