There are a lot of TacTeam personnel eyes on us.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that they're all put off by Sage and I being here. I'm used to them all looking at me, but today I’m hyperaware of it because I don’t want anyone making her uncomfortable now that she’s finally ready to join us out here again.
Kieran and Gryphon both notice it too, and while my Bonded is good about ignoring it most of the time, his second-in-command is not quite so calm. Within the space of the time it takes the two of us to stretch out, every single TacTeam personnel who dared to side-eye us is put on some sort of terrible job, groaning and muttering under their breath as they are sent off in all different directions.
Sage grimaces as though she feels bad for them, and I give her a sardonic look back. “If they were smart enough to keep their opinions to themselves, they wouldn't be in this mess. That hasn't got anything to do with us.”
She shrugs. “I don't blame them though. They're all just looking out for Kieran. I can't blame them for that, can I?”
I shrug back. “You can because their superiors have told them to get the fuck over it, so they're not the good little soldiers they should be, are they?”
Gabe scoffs at me from where he is stretching out next to us. He’s not usually so enthusiastic about it, but I think that the extra attention has him on edge as well. “Since when have you been a good little soldier, Bonded? You’d have to keep your opinions to yourself for that.”
I smack him on the leg gently, hurting my own hand more than him, and shrug. “I haven't heard any complaints yet. I’ll have you know that I am very good at keeping my head when things go to shit around me, and I’m more than willing to learn new ways to fuck up the Resistance. I think that makes me a fantastic soldier.”
Sage leans forward to grab her feet and stretch out her legs. “I didn't think that I would ever be able to fight or be much help in this, but I think that the option of sitting around and letting everyone else do it for me isn't viable anymore. I only used to show up here to learn defensive techniques, but I think if we find the person who got into my head and made me do those terrible things, I will happily throw a fireball at them.”
I give her a gentle pat on the back. “That's the spirit. Looks like you're working your way through the stages of grief really well. Next thing you know, you'll be compartmentalizing like a pro, and we'll be able to swap war stories.”
She huffs a small laugh under her breath, and then her eyes flick up as Gryphon and Kieran approach us again. They both look pissed off, but I doubt that it has anything to do with us. Nope, it’ll be whatever updates they’re getting from the other TacTeams that are currently deployed out in the Wastelands.
I’ve learned not to ask about it.
Gryphon takes a quick look around at us all before barking out his orders. “Sage, you can work through the last workout that you did under Vivian's tutelage. Gabe and Atlas, you're both working on figuring out your extra powers. Kieran will work with you both. You're with me, Oli.”
My eyebrows shoot up my forehead, but I get up and nod obediently, waiting until the others move off to follow his directions before I murmur, “What are we learning today that's so different? I thought I was going to be doing hand-to-hand combat again.”
Gryphon shakes his head and hands me a bottle of water for our session. “No, if our run-in with Davies at the Hail Mary has taught me anything, it’s that you really do need to learn how to keep people out of your head. Keeping your mind blank and your thoughts to yourself isn't enough. It’s time to learn how to shield yourself.”
It's utterly shameful, but no matter what Gryphon does to try to teach me how to keep him out of my head, I can't do it.
We work through the entire training session together, with him explaining in a dozen different ways how to build a wall up in my mind to keep him out, but nothing that I try works. I've never failed so miserably in front of any of my Bonded before. I have to say, I hate the experience.
One by one, as each of my Bonded and friends finish off their training circuits, we collect a little crowd of them sitting around, offering advice to me as though there's some small thing I'm missing to be able to make this work. None of their suggestions help, unsurprisingly.
“You have to see him as a foreign being, trying to get in your head,” Atlas says, curling himself around me and pulling me against his chest.
Gryphon gives him a stern look, as though he suspects he's trying to distract me, but what he's saying actually makes a bit of sense to me.
It doesn’t make it any less impossible though.
“I can't though, can I? We've Bonded. I can't even sense when he is entering a room anymore because my body is so used to him that it doesn't give me warnings like it used to!”
“You used to be able to sense us?” Gabe asks, his chin propped up on one of his knees from where he had just stopped mid-stretch to join the conversation.
I give him a little nod. “Of course. I always knew when one of you was around. Over time, I started to figure out which one of you it was, but now you can all sneak up on me and scare the shit out of me while I'm innocently trying to take a shower.”
I shoot a glare at Gryphon, and Atlas scoffs from behind me. “Maybe we need to get a different Neuro in to try and get into your head. You can practice against them.”
Gryphon immediately shuts him down. “There isn't anyone strong enough to get into her head that we have access to. It's me, and it's Silas Davies. That's it.”
I groan and cover my face with my hands. Sage walks over and tucks herself in beside Atlas and I, crossing her legs and taking a deep breath. “So you're just going to have to learn how to block people out and hope that you're doing it right when the time comes? That doesn't seem very… safe. Or helpful.”
I groan again, the sound muffled, thanks to my hands still being over my face. “This wouldn't be such a big deal if the person trying to get into my head didn't already know how to trigger my power and turn me into a weapon of mass destruction! That kind of raises the stakes.”
Sage winces and rubs a hand down her workout leggings, like her palms are sweating just thinking about it. “Is the plan going to be just to keep you as far away from him as possible?”
“Yes,” all three of my Bonded say at once, and I roll my eyes.
“I’m not going to sit on the sidelines while my Bonded all have to fight. For one, my bond wouldn't let me, and for another, I'm just not built like that. The problem is that Silas has done it before, and I don't know whether bonding is enough to keep him out.”
God, I hope it is.
My bond definitely thinks it is enough, but there’s so much I don’t know about its limits or the lives it’s lived before. Has it ever gone up against someone like Davies before? Did we survive it?
Can I keep my Bonded safe?
It's quiet for a moment, then Gabe says, “What did he do before? If you're trying to figure out if you can keep him out, then that's the part of your head that you need to keep protected.”
I don't want to think about that.
I definitely don’t want to talk about it, not with anyone, not ever.