Then, without even thinking, he said, “Kant, Arthur? Seriously? Of all the things.”
Mr. Parnassus’s eyes sparkled in the failing sunlight. “He had his fallacies.”
“Oh, that’s an understatement if I ever heard one. Schopenhauer said—”
“Schopenhauer? I take back every nice thing I’ve ever said about you, Linus. You are banished from the island. Leave immediately.”
“He had some very pointed critiques! And he did so only to further validate Kant’s work!”
Mr. Parnassus scoffed. “Validation wasn’t something Kant—”
“My good man, that’s where you are surely wrong.”
And on and on it went.
TEN
The ferry was waiting at the docks when Ms. Chapelwhite stopped her car. Linus could see Merle moving about on deck. He waved at them irritably, a scowl on his face. “Quite the impatient fellow, isn’t he?” Linus mused as the gate lowered from the ferry.
“You don’t know the half of it,” Ms. Chapelwhite muttered. “Man acts like he has business elsewhere. Mr. Parnassus is the only one who pays him for use of that rickety old boat, and he knows it. We don’t even need to use it, but we do to keep the peace.”
“How would you— You know what? I don’t want to know. Shall we, then?”
She sighed. “If we must.”
“I fear we must,” Linus said wisely.
She glanced at him as she put the car in drive and pulled forward slowly. He thought she was going to say something, but she didn’t speak. He wondered if he was projecting.
The ferry listed slightly as the car boarded, and though Linus felt queasy, it wasn’t as it’d been when he’d first arrived a week ago. That gave him pause. Had it really only been a week? He’d arrived on a Saturday, and … yes. It’d been exactly a week. He didn’t know why that surprised him. He was homesick still, but it was a dull ache in the pit of his stomach.
That probably wasn’t a good sign.
Ms. Chapelwhite turned off the car as the gate rose again behind them. The horn blew from somewhere above them, and they were off. Linus stuck his hand out of the car, letting the sea breeze blow between his fingers.
They had only been aboard a few minutes when Merle appeared. “You have my money?” he demanded. “And remember, the fee has doubled.”
Ms. Chapelwhite snorted. “I do, you old codger.” She leaned over to reach into the glove compartment.
Linus panicked. “Who’s piloting the ferry?”
Merle frowned at him. “These things can mostly handle themselves. Computers, wouldn’t you know.”
“Oh,” Linus said without thinking. “What’s the point of you, then?”
Merle glared. “What did you say?”
“Your fee,” Ms. Chapelwhite said sweetly, thrusting an envelope into his hands. “And Mr. Parnassus asked that I relay a message to you. He hopes the fee doesn’t double yet again in the foreseeable future.”
Merle’s hand was shaking as he snatched the envelope from her hand. “I bet he does. Price of doing business, I’m afraid. It’s a tough economy.”
“Is it? I hadn’t noticed.”
Merle’s smile was cruel. “Of course you hadn’t. Your kind thinks it’s better than all the rest of us—”
“You would do well to stand down,” Linus advised. “And be careful not to drink that fee away. I’d hate to think how you’d survive this tough economy if you did.”
Merle glared at him before spinning on his heels and stomping back to the wheelhouse.
“Bastard,” Linus muttered. He glanced over at Ms. Chapelwhite, only to find her staring at him. “What?”
She shook her head. “You— It doesn’t matter.”
“Out with it, Ms. Chapelwhite.”
“Call me Zoe, would you? This Ms. Chapelwhite business is getting old.”
“Zoe,” Linus said slowly. “I … suppose that’s all right.”
“And you’ll be Linus.”
“I don’t know why it matters so much,” he grumbled, but he didn’t tell her no.
* * *
She dropped him off in front of the post office, pointing a few blocks down to the storefront for the grocer’s. “Come down when you’re finished. I’ll try to make it quick. I want to get back to the island so we’re not late.”
“For what?” he asked, one hand on the door handle, a large, flat envelope in the other.
She grinned at him. “It’s the second Saturday of the month.”
“So?”
“We go on adventures with the children. It’s a tradition.”
Linus didn’t like the sound of that. “What sort of adventures?”
She looked him up and down. “I’ll need to get a few things for you. What you’re wearing simply won’t do, and I assume that’s all you brought. What’s your waist size?”
He balked. “I don’t know that it’s any of your business!”
She shoved him out of the car. “I have a good idea. Leave it to me. I’ll see you at the grocer’s!”
The tires screeched as she peeled off. People on the sidewalk stared at him as rubber smoke billowed. He coughed, waving his hand in front of his face. “How do you do?” he asked a couple walking arm in arm. They lifted their noses at him and hurried across the street.
He looked down at himself. He wore slacks and a dress shirt and a tie, his usual attire. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Ms. Chapelwhite—Zoe—had in mind. No matter. He would tell her as much when he met her later.
* * *
Much like the rest of the village, the interior of the post office was bright and sunny. It was painted in light pastels, lines of oversize shells along the walls. There was a bulletin board with a familiar flyer: SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. REGISTRATION HELPS EVERYONE!
A man stood behind the counter, watching him warily. His eyes were small, and he had thick, gnarled hair sticking out of his ears. His skin was weathered and tan. “Help you?”
“I believe so,” Linus said, stepping up to the counter. “I need to mail this off to the Department in Charge of Magical Youth.” He handed over the envelope that held his first weekly report. It was extensive, probably more so than was necessary, but he hadn’t made many revisions to its twenty-seven handwritten pages.
“DICOMY, is it?” the man asked, staring down at the envelope with barely disguised interest that made Linus nervous. “Heard a representative was here. About damn time too, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t,” Linus said stiffly.
The man ignored him. He set the envelope on a scale before looking back at Linus. “I hope you’re going to do the right thing.”
Linus frowned. “And what would that be?”
“Close that place down. It’s a menace.”
“How so?” He was proud how even his voice was.
The man leaned forward as he dropped his voice. His breath smelled cloyingly of elderberry mints. “There’s rumors, you know.”