It’s my turn to groan. I’ve been completely busted now.
TJ moves in a flash, pinning me, his hands on my wrists. “Was I right? Were you putting on your big-time actor charm for me? Like you do when you think people are watching?”
“Do you think pinning me down is some kind of torture? I quite like this position.”
He laughs, rocks his pelvis to mine. “Were you trying to charm me?”
I let out a soft moan as he presses harder. “Is that what I do? Charm you?”
He rolls off me, running a hand down my chest as he goes. “Yes. Do you have any idea how you come across? How captivating you are? When you smile at me, it’s like the world disappears and I’m caught in your spotlight.”
My body likes the sound of that, every inch of my skin warming up. My heart likes it too since it thumps harder. But still, I doubt him. Because I doubt me. “That sounds like a line.”
He holds up his hands in surrender. “Trust me, that doesn’t come from any of my books. It’s just true. I’ve always felt that way around you. You have charisma, Jude. You have so much of it. It’s like an overflow. You’re the sun. You’re the center of the world. You warm anyone who comes near you. And last night, you wanted to do that to me.”
“Maybe I’m not such a good actor. Because I did want that,” I admit, half wishing I wasn’t so easy to read, but half glad he saw through my charade.
He pokes my chest with his finger. “You’re a great actor, and I can’t wait to see Pillow Talk tonight. But I figured out what you were doing because it’s my job to read people. To understand their motivations. To look beneath the surface. And I’m pretty sure you wanted to charm me,” he says, reading me like an open book. Then he spreads his hand across my pecs, stretching his fingers over my skin and gliding down my chest, over my abs. “But don’t you know? You already did.”
My pulse surges, and I go for it. Jumping. “Maybe I wanted to keep charming you last night.”
TJ locks eyes with me. Holds my gaze. Then he asks, in measured words, “Do you? Do you want to keep charming me?”
There he goes again. Speaking in subtext. I know what he’s asking, and I was worried yesterday because I didn’t know if he’d feel the same way, or want with the same passion I do. Now, after a night with him, I know one truth—the years didn’t erase this thing between us. “I do want to,” I say, and it’s as much of an admission as I’ll make.
It’s not a commitment. It’s an acknowledgment of the here and now.
His lips twitch in a grin. A devilishly satisfied one. “Then let’s do London again. This weekend.”
“London in Los Angeles?” I ask with a laugh.
“Let’s be who we were. No bullshit. No trying to impress each other.” He holds my gaze, asking with his eyes for me to be honest too.
“I hope you know, way back when, I was trying to impress you in London,” I admit. “I totally wanted to get in your pants.”
He laughs. “Dude, it drove me crazy every day how much I wanted you. But you know what I mean. Let’s be ourselves. Like how we were when we went thrifting, when we went out for beer, when we went shopping for the shower curtain.”
I fling a hand to my head dramatically. “The awful day I learned you hate rubber ducks,” I say.
He grabs my waist, hauls me close. “Some things change over the years. Maybe I don’t hate them anymore.”
I arch a brow. “Do you have a rubber duck fetish now?”
TJ dips his face near mine, then drops away from my lips, dusting a kiss to my jaw. “I might.” His lips travel along my chin. Then under it. Then along my neck. “I have to tell you something.”
I tense, worry flashing through me. “Okay?”
His soft lips return to my neck, coasting near my ear. “You were also really good in Our Secret Courtship.”
I flinch. “What? You watched the show?”
He pulls back, looking a little sheepish. “I watched every episode. The ones you were in, I watched maybe five times.”
Who’s the sun now? I’m hot everywhere. “You really did?”
He nods. “I kept hoping there’d be a scene with you and that stable guy. But then, I also didn’t want to see a scene with you and the stable guy, if you get my meaning.”
“Oh, I definitely get it. I was terrified to read your first gay romance. Terrified but secretly turned on.”
“So you really read my books?” He sounds shocked, maybe a little awed. Which is odd since I just quoted him back to him.
But then, this fits the TJ I knew. The TJ who had to leave the flat when I read his chapters. He’s never quite believed in himself. “Most of them. Not the most recent one.”
“Good. Don’t read Top-Notch Boyfriend,” he says quickly, like he needs to cut that notion off at the knees.
“I won’t,” I say, since I can’t stand the thought of reading something that chicken peddler inspired. “But I loved Happy Trail. I wish I could play a rancher getting it on with his rival. Holy fuck, those scenes at the lake were scorching.”
“I seriously can’t believe you read that book. Or any. I just . . . can’t.”
“Why are you so surprised? I just recited lines from your books. Did you think I just found them on the Internet this morning to call you out?”
He shrugs, like he can’t quite believe it. “Kind of?”
“You really thought I googled them?”
He holds up a thumb and forefinger.
“You’re ridiculous. You watched my shows. Why wouldn’t I read your books?”
He looks away, and I know he’s weighing his words, deciding what order to put them in. He returns his gaze to me. “I just didn’t let myself think you had. That’s all.”
I lean across the bed, grab his face. “Like I said, the lake scene was totally fucking hot. When Clint gave Nick his first taste of cock, I had to leave the park where I was reading so I didn’t wank off in public. But first, I had to wait for my dick to deflate.”
TJ cracks up. “That’s how I felt when I thought of you and the stable guy.”
“Want me to let you in on a little secret now?”
“Hell yes.”
I lean closer, whisper near his cheek, “I wanted that for my Our Secret Courtship character too. I always imagined Victor was bisexual.”
TJ’s eyes sparkle as he pumps a fist. “I knew it! I could tell he liked dick. But I still liked your secret romance with the countess too. You two liked to get it on. In the drawing room, in the parlor.”
“In the library, in the gardens,” I add, thrilled that he remembers the details of my character’s trysts. But I hope he doesn’t ask what happened to me next after my character was written off. I don’t want to lie about those two years that followed, but I will. I absolutely will.
“Don’t forget on the piano,” TJ adds, kissing my neck.
A dart of pleasure radiates in my chest, spreads through my body. “You saw that scene too? That was like eight seconds long, and at the end of my last season.”
His full lips coast along my neck, on a journey toward my ear. “More than five times, Jude. I watched it over and over. It reminded me of the robot and the scientist.”