He smiles as he chews. “The pantry is stocked.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“I guess you will be. Eat up. We have a lot to do.”
I do as he says, eating the breakfast he cooked for me while I slept the morning away. It’s more delicious than I thought eggs could ever be. Does he want to stay home and cook while I go out in the world and do his job?
This plate of eggs and toast isn’t just good. It’s a challenge to my domain.
“These are good,” I say, then shrug. “For a man.”
“The trick is butter. Lots of butter.”
“I appreciate you making breakfast.” I push away my empty plate. “But I’m cooking dinner.”
“Good.”
“I need fresh basil.”
“Put it on the list. Benny can pick it up.”
I clear the plates and bring them to the sink.
“I want to make the pizza,” I say while my back is turned. “Junior’s pizza.”
“Fine.” He’s behind me, kissing my neck. When he saw Junior talking to me through the window, he burst like a ball of pent-up violence. Now he’s kissing me without a whiff of anger about me using Junior’s recipe.
“Dario?”
“Mm-hm?”
I turn to face him. He tenderly brushes hair off my cheek.
“Would you have hurt Junior?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” I ask.
“I know how men are.”
“He just wanted to talk about pizza.”
“No, he didn’t.” He touches my nose. “And if he did ‘just want to talk about pizza,’ it’s because he hadn’t gotten around to trying to fuck you.”
“Dario.”
“Trust me on this.”
I trust he knows what he’s talking about, but I also believe Junior wasn’t excited about anything more than pignoli nuts. The consequences of that excitement could have been so dire for Junior, the way they were for Denise—just because she was in a basement alone with Marco. I saw it happen to different girls in different ways over and over, and I just accepted it. That was my world.
It’s not anymore. I’m outside now. How can everything still be the same?
“What are you going to do when I go out by myself?” I ask. “Half the adults in the world are men. How many do you think I want to take to bed?”
“One.” He pulls me close, and I fall into him.
“Good.”
“But they’d take you in a minute.”
“All of them?”
“Don’t worry, they’ll never get past me.”
He acts as if he’ll always be there to protect me from the evils of men.
Husbands leave wives behind.
Running his lips over my face, Dario doesn’t seem dangerous. His arms feel like security, but they are violent and unpredictable. The body that electrifies mine lives in service of vengeance. He is a killer, but he could be killed, and all the competence in the world won’t fill his place in my heart.
I push his chest, looking him in the face.
His expression turns to suspicious concern, as if he can tell where I’m heading.
I almost lose my nerve. Dario and I aren’t really married. He already has a wife.
Maybe there’s power in that. A wife can’t ask for anything.
Maybe I can.
“You said I could ask for anything.”
“I did.”
He doesn’t seem to regret the offer.
“You said we’re staying here as long as it’s safe.”
“I did, prima. What is it?”
I run a nail over the knitting of his sweater. “Why not make it safe right now?”
“There’s a security system.” His voice is flat, suspicious, as if he knows I’m not talking about alarms and locks.
“I want it to be even safer. So. What if you made peace with my father and brother?”
“Peace?” He loosens his hold on me, and desperation fills the place where security lived. “With the Colonia? After everything I told you?”
“Maybe you can work on all that without getting killed? Then we can live,” I say quickly. “Just live. Be together. Happy.”
His face cycles through anger, impatience, hesitance, and with a blink, acceptance.
If only happiness stuck to a soul for as long as anger does.
“That’s not going to happen.” He steps back. “Not just because you ask. Not even if I wanted it.”
“It’s what I want.”
“Ask me for something else. Anything else. Not that. It’s impossible.” Before I can press him further, he turns his back to me. “Follow me.”
CHAPTER 11
SARAH
Dario leads me through the house. He names every space we pass, opening doors to show me that I can enter the second bathroom, the second and third bedroom, the sunroom, and the mud room without tripping an ear-splitting alarm. The garage, the front door, and his office all have biometric locks that open with a fingerprint.
So does a door under the stairs, where he stops and uses his thumbprint to open it.
“We have those kinds of locks.” I’m delighted to already know a thing.
“Where?”
“Whenever they update a door in Precious Blood, they put one in.”
“I prefer when they’re backward.” He indicates I should go through. “Go on.”
The overhead light goes on, revealing a short-ceilinged hall. It leads to a small, dark room with TV monitors showing empty halls, alleyways, the house we’re in right now, the gate at the end of the drive. Flickering shots of the surrounding forest from every angle.
“You had something like this in Manhattan.”
“I have them all over.”
Reaching behind and above me, he makes something beep and sigh. I look up at an open flap of wall. He removes a flat device from the hidden compartment and places it on the counter.
As he sets it up, I look at the screens. I recognize some of the places from the other security room. This one has a path around the house we’re in, a service road out the back, some forest, and a gate that’s more utilitarian than the cast-iron one in the front. Garbage pails are lined up next to it.
“Where’s this?” I ask.
“The service entrance.” He keeps his attention on his setup. “Out back.”
“Huh.” I get closer to the screen. There’s a tiny gap between the hedge and the gate. “Is it open?”
He checks it immediately. “Fuck. Good eye.”
“What is it?”
“Garbage day.” He looks down again. “That shit’s gonna stop right now.”
The light from the device’s screen shines on his face, and I see what I hadn’t seen before. He hasn’t been sleeping. I lay my palm on the back of his neck. I don’t know how to fix this for him.
On the screen, a rectangle appears. I recognize it.
“I put my thumb there.” I hold out my thumb and he takes it gently.
“You did this for Precious Blood.”
“Yes. To get to the food stores. The big kitchen in the basement. Here and there.”