“She’s talking more,” he said.
“Mm-hmm. She’s opening up because she feels more secure, I think.”
“Because of you,” he said, studying her face. She had her hair up again, and she wore minimal makeup. She had on a pair of black leggings that went to about mid-calf and a loose tank top.
Her lashes dropped over her eyes, shielding them, and he realized he’d been looking at her pretty intently. When she looked up again, she gave him a tiny smile. “I don’t think it’s just me, but thank you.”
“Okay, maybe not just you. But as much as she liked Brooke or Mrs. Barlow, it was too much upheaval for her. Staying here every day with you is perfect.”
“It’s certainly contributed to her feeling like her world isn’t going to turn upside down any moment.”
Noah wanted to lean forward and kiss her. It was the strongest urge, and the oddest one at the same time. Why? Why Jenna and why now? She was pretty, but he’d been near pretty women plenty and hadn’t thought about how desperately he wanted to kiss them. Hadn’t imagined sliding his hand into their hair and tugging it loose so it spilled over their shoulders in a silky cloud.
He sipped his coffee and didn’t lean anywhere near her. “That’s what she needed after losing her mother and getting hauled from one place to another while they sorted everything.”
“Poor little girl,” Jenna said softly. “What an upheaval.”
He blew out a breath. “I need to find a family for her. I want her settled before she gets too attached to me.”
Jenna’s mouth dropped. “Wait—you want to give her up for adoption?” she whispered. “She’s not a puppy, Noah. You can’t just get rid of her.”
His jaw tightened. “I can’t keep her either. My life isn’t the kind of life that’s good for stability. She needs a mom and a dad who can be there for her.”
Jenna had reared back in her seat to stare at him like he’d grown another head. And, he had to admit, he felt like squirming beneath that gaze. What he wanted wasn’t unreasonable. Hell, it was better for Alice. But it sounded cold. He got that.
“I just… I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”
They were hissing at each other now, speaking low to keep Alice from understanding what they were saying, especially when she got up to bring them each a block. Once she walked away again, he said, “Why not? You aren’t staying forever. We aren’t her parents, and that’s what she needs.”
“But you’re the person your sister chose. She must have done that for a reason.”
“Because she knew if anything happened to her, I’d never let Alice go into foster care. But I can find a family for her. People I know who want a child. That’s the only way I’d do it.”
He hated explaining himself, and yet he felt like he had to. He needed to temper the judgment in her gaze. And yet he felt like an asshole. She did that to him, and she wasn’t really trying.
Finally, she blew out a breath and shook her head, breaking their eye contact. When she looked at him again, it wasn’t as intense or emotional as before. “You know what? I’m sorry. It’s not my business, and you’re right that I can’t stay forever. You’re active duty military, and you can’t go in and quit tomorrow or ask for a less dangerous job than what you already do. I know that better than most since my parents were in. I also know that kids can handle the military life better than you think. But, yes, she’s lost her mother, and I understand why you want stability for her. If you know the people who adopt her, that’s a good thing.”
He ought to feel vindicated in his thinking, and yet he still felt that knot of guilt tightening inside. “It’s the only way I’ll do it. I have to know who they are.”
She nodded once, briskly, and snapped her computer closed. “I fed Alice, but I didn’t eat yet. Do you want eggs and toast? Or something else?”
His belly rumbled. “Whatever you want to make. I can help.”
“Grab the eggs then, and the butter. I’ll get a pan and the bread.”
He did as she asked then worked on the toast while she started the eggs. Alice played happily on the floor and the sun continued to shine. It felt right to be here with Alice and Jenna, in his kitchen making breakfast, but he knew what the feeling really was.
It was the longing of a little boy for the family he’d never had. It wasn’t real, and it wasn’t going to be. He’d learned a long time ago what he was meant to do and meant to be. He couldn’t change it—and he didn’t want to, no matter what the drumbeat in his brain was trying to say.
Chapter Nine
Jenna had said she understood what Noah wanted to do with Alice, and she did, but part of her was angry with him over it. Which was insane because she had no right to be. Alice was a sweet little girl, an easy child to take care of, and she deserved the family Noah wanted for her.
But the fact he stubbornly believed he couldn’t be that family bothered her. Both her parents had been highly successful, career-oriented people. Her mother especially. But they’d managed to have a child, and they’d juggled deployments and new assignments and given her the best life they could give her. She’d been everywhere, and she’d had experiences that a lot of kids never got.
She missed them every day, terribly, and she’d give anything to have them back again. And maybe she was mixing up her own feelings of abandonment and loss with Noah’s plans for Alice, and that wasn’t fair to him.
It wasn’t a bad plan for a single soldier in a dangerous job. But she couldn’t help thinking it was a short-sighted one. Especially as Alice grew closer to him. She was close to Jenna too after only a couple of weeks, and it would be hard enough when Jenna had to leave them—but Noah should be a constant in her life. He might not be her blood relation, but he was her uncle. Her only link to the mother she would never know. The only one who could share memories and stories of the woman who’d given birth to her.
He didn’t want to be the foundation in Alice’s life, though. Didn’t think he could be. It was sad to Jenna, but it wasn’t her place to tell him what to do. Or to pass judgment. God knew she had her own mess to take care of.
She lifted the lid of her laptop and returned to the tab where she read the local news in Las Vegas. Noah had taken Alice outside with him while he walked around the yard and looked at the bushes he wanted to trim. He’d promised to watch her closely, and Jenna was happy to have a few minutes alone to scroll the computer.
She was always on the lookout for something about the Flanagans. She didn’t know why. It wasn’t like they would announce any criminal activities in the media, or debate about whether or not she was a person of interest to them.
But she had to do it anyway. It was almost a ritual for her. Like throwing salt over your shoulder to keep away the bad luck, looking for the Flanagans—seeing the Flanagan name in the media—was her talisman. If they were there then they weren’t here.
She knew it didn’t make a bit of sense, but it made her feel better. For a little while, anyway. She moved her finger up and down the trackpad, scrolling, and there they were. Charlie and Billy Flanagan, up to their eyeballs in real estate and construction projects throughout the city, especially the epically expensive Venus Casino and Resort currently being built on the strip.