“You are strong. The strongest woman I’ve ever met. And I come from a family of tough women, so when I say that,” he said around a hard swallow, his voice cracking from unexpected emotion, “I mean it.”
“Most days, it’s an act,” she whispered.
“It’s not an act. It’s true.” He gently cupped her chin, demanding her attention. “Look at me.
“Who made you think you’re not strong? Was it him?” The idea her ex-husband had made this strong, beautiful woman feel inadequate and weak filled Beckett with rage.
Before she could answer, there was a knock at the door, followed by a voice he really didn’t want to hear. “It’s Gray. I’m looking for Sydney.” A pause. “Let me in.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Sydney froze. Why in the hell was Gray looking for her in Beckett’s bungalow? And why’d she feel like her dad was about to barge in and catch her with a guy in her bed, just like when she was eighteen?
“One second,” Beckett called out, scrambling to snatch his linen pants from where he must’ve tossed them before his first shower last night.
Sydney eyed her dress on the floor and decided it would take entirely too long to put on. She considered hiding in the outdoor shower, but that didn’t feel like the right thing to do.
Gray’s just a friend now. My team leader. It’ll be fine.
Beckett tossed her his linen shirt as if sensing her dilemma, then started for the bathroom while she fumbled with the buttons, knowing she was lying to herself and that things would, in fact, not be fine.
“Here,” Beckett mouthed, handing over the panties she’d discarded near the outdoor shower last night.
“She’s in there, isn’t she?” The strained tone of Gray’s voice had her heart sinking to the pit of her stomach.
“Am I opening up?” Beckett whispered as he spun toward her, wearing only his pants.
His attention swept over her body, stopping at her breasts. Sydney looked down to discover that the fabric was nearly sheer enough to display her nipples, and the bottom hem of his shirt covered barely enough to be decent.
She fastened the last buttons, then tightened her arms over her chest, hiding her breasts the best she could before nodding her okay.
Beckett swiped a palm over his face, then reached for the handle. “Yeah, Sydney’s in here,” he answered before opening up.
Gray’s gaze cut straight to the rumpled bedsheets before meeting her eyes with a deep frown, his lips pressed together in a hard slash. She wished what was shredding him right now was anger, but she knew him too well.
“What are you doing here?” She walked toward him, telling herself she had nothing to be ashamed of, keeping her head held high.
Gray remained still and silent, his eye twitching slightly after a few seconds. Then he faced Beckett, let go of a few quick, shallow breaths like he might throw down with him, and wordlessly turned and left.
Sydney shot Beckett an apologetic look, knowing he had to be uncomfortable as hell, and then chased after her team leader. “Gray, would you stop? Please.”
He was a few feet ahead of her, clutching his leg and walking slowly. Her heart plummeted at the sight he was hurting in more ways than one.
Why? Why do you still care about me like that?
Not too far from Beckett’s bungalow, she caught up and grabbed his arm.
“Damn it, Sydney,” he rasped, swinging around and pulling his arm free from her grasp. “For the love of God, just give me a second to process this.” He cupped his mouth, eyes focused on the ground.
“I’m sorry. I know Beckett is technically a client, and it’s an unspoken rule, but—”
“You think that’s what I’m upset about?” He placed his hands on his hips and squared his stance. “You and I broke the rules at West Point, didn’t we?”
God, she’d just shared that bit of truth with Beckett, and now here the man was in the flesh.
“I might be a hard-ass with everyone at Falcon,” Gray continued, his deep voice thick with emotion, “but when it comes to you, I’d never tell you what to do.”
“So, what are you upset about?” But staring into his eyes, seeing a world of hurt there, how could she not know the answer?
But she needed to hear it from him, to be absolutely sure she wasn’t putting words into his mouth. She’d hoped they could be friends again when she joined Falcon, but lovers? No. She wasn’t the person he fell in love with back in college. Not even close.
Gray hung his head, his bladed jaw tightening beneath his trimmed beard.
“Why are you even here?” she repeated.
“The whole team is here.” Looking up, he slid his eyes over her shirt, his disapproval loud and clear. “Carter and the others are in the main house now.”
“Why didn’t you give us a heads-up?” You wouldn’t have found me in his bedroom if you’d bothered to call first.
“Jesse reached out just after midnight. He’s leaving Mexico with Miguel Diego and Ivy today,” he shared. “There was no point in waking you up. We needed to come get you anyway. The pilot that brought Beckett here isn’t allowed to fly to where we’re going, so that’s why we’re picking you up.”
“Oh.” She processed the new information. “Where are we going?”
“Santiago, Chile.”
“That’s unexpected. I figured they’d stay in Mexico.”
“Yeah, well.” Gray raked his hands through his hair. “Get packed. We roll out in an hour.” He turned to take off, but she couldn’t leave things like this. It’d be awkward for everyone.
“Wait, I don’t want things to be—”
“Too late,” he hissed but quickly dropped his shoulders as if angry at himself for yelling. The man looked beaten. Deflated. Like he’d been kicked while already down.
And I did that to you.
“I don’t want to do this here, Syd. I can’t do this here.”
“Do what?” She wasn’t sure she could handle any more emotional hits after Seth’s marriage announcement. “Gray, we were together a long time ago.” She couldn’t beat around the bush, and she needed to clear the air. They’d all need to work together, keep things professional and focused.
Gray tipped his head to the side, studying her mouth as if remembering the way she’d tasted. “I’ve spent twenty years searching for someone I could love as much as I loved you. Twenty years wasted. Because there’s no replacing you. You get that, right? I’ve spent my life hoping our paths would cross again, and we’d get another chance.”
“Gray.” She reached out, her heart breaking for him, but he flinched and stepped back.
He tossed both hands in the air, a request to keep her distance. “Did you know about my accident when it happened?” Where was this coming from? Shit, just how much had this man kept bottled up inside?
“I knew, yes.” She thought back to the day she’d learned Gray’s helo had crashed, remembering the phone call from her friend in Military Intelligence who knew she and Gray had dated in college.
“There’s been an accident,” Michelle had told her. “Gray survived, but they had to amputate part of his leg.”