“I don’t know what to say,” Beckett finally spoke, his words catching in his throat. “As soon as Oliver told me you two had a past, I declared her off-limits in my head,” he admitted. “I promise you, I didn’t plan for this to happen. I’m still trying to understand how it did, to be honest.”
“I would die for that woman. In a heartbeat,” Gray said while swiveling his focus back around, unable to shake that look of mourning in his eyes, which shredded Beckett to see. “Would you?”
“No question,” Beckett answered without a second thought.
Gray nodded. “Then there’s nothing left to talk about.” He started for the door, pinning his shoulders back as he walked. “If I didn’t make myself clear, though,” he added while reaching for the handle, “you two have my blessing. Not that you need it, but it’s there.”
Beckett dropped onto the bed once Gray was gone and set his head in his hands, replaying Gray’s words, ensuring he wasn’t delirious, that he didn’t hallucinate the conversation.
There was a knock at the door a minute or two later, and Beckett forgot Sydney didn’t have the keycard to the room.
“Coming,” he answered a bit gruffly, still working to make sense of . . . well, everything that’d happened since walking into Capone last weekend.
“Hi,” she said in a small voice after he’d opened up. “You’re not bleeding, so that’s a good sign.”
“Did you talk to him after he left here?” He reached for her bag, taking it from her, then stepped aside so she could join him.
“No, he just told me you were waiting for me when he came to his room.” Sydney shut the door behind them as Beckett set her bag alongside his. “Are you okay?” She looked around the room as if searching for signs of a scuffle, and her eyes fell on the tub.
“Yeah, I think so.” He swallowed and waited for her eyes to meet his. “He wants you happy. And well, if that’s with me, he said that I, um, have his blessing.”
“He’s great at telling people what they need to hear to make them feel better.”
“So, you don’t believe him?” He came closer to her, close enough to kiss her, but did his best to resist.
“I believe he wants me happy, yes.” Her eyes thinned as she studied him. “But I’m not sure if—”
“If I’m the one who does that?” Where had that come from? Probably his fucking past. Cora. She was to him what Seth had been for Sydney, he supposed.
Sydney reached for his hand, and at her warm touch his body stiffened. “You do. It’s just all unexpected, obviously. And fast.” She was chewing on her lip. Another thing he assumed Gray would say was far from the norm for her.
You do wear your emotions around me. But he was the same around her. He let his guard down. She was the first woman he’d let in since Cora.
“So, maybe we should still wait until after the mission before we . . .” Sydney released his hand but didn’t finish her train of thought, leaving him with too many possibilities about what she might’ve been thinking.
He was too afraid to press, knowing with absolute certainty how he wanted her to complete that sentence. And anything beyond that would have him feeling as broken as Gray had looked.
He’d told himself a few days ago he couldn’t be with Sydney. And now? There was zero chance he could handle being without her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
“So,” Camila continued with her story, holding her red wine at dinner that night, “imagine Carter dangling from that rope without his pants . . . while this snarling Belgian Malinois whipped his jeans around in his mouth down below, tearing them apart.”
“No, I actually can’t picture that,” Sydney responded, her stomach hurting from how hard she’d been laughing from all the “Carter Tales” Camila had shared that evening.
“Tell me the dog got his boxers too. Or is he a briefs guy?” Mya asked with a chuckle while going for her glass of wine too.
Camila leaned back in her chair and peeked at Mya sitting at her side at the six-person table. “He was buck-ass-naked. Well, the bottom half of him.”
Oliver held a hand up and grinned, snatching his wineglass as well. “Please tell me I have permission to tease him at some point with one of these stories?”
They’d set out to keep up appearances by having dinner together at the hotel. Drinking wine. Eating too much food. Couples in love, yada yada yada. They’d easily fallen into their roles, and for Sydney, it hadn’t felt fake all night. It helped to have Camila distracting them with her adventurous life.
“If you want Carter to kill you, sure,” Camila finally answered Oliver.
“Well, what I need to know,” Sydney began, “is how Carter got down from that rope.”
“I saved his ass. Quite literally.” Camila reached for the bottle of red on the table and added more to her glass. “Dogs seem to love me, so I came in for the rescue and calmed him down. With Carter’s pants and briefs ripped to shreds, I had to give him my jacket so he could maintain what was left of his dignity in front of the ten guys out in that field working with us that day.”
“And how many times have you two worked together since he left the Agency?” Beckett asked as he reached for Sydney’s hand on top of the table and lightly squeezed. Was that for show? Or had he forgotten Gray was across the table from him and simply wanted to touch her?
Sydney had her answer in a matter of seconds when Beckett cleared his throat and withdrew his hand to his lap.
“We have teamed up a few times.” Camila’s dark brows lifted as she studied Beckett, and it was clear in her expression she understood the messy situation.
Oliver patted his stomach and yawned. “How long are we going to stay?” He checked his watch. “I don’t think Miguel’s going to eat here tonight after all.”
When Sydney had hacked the hotel’s system earlier, she’d discovered Miguel had made dinner reservations there for nine. No show yet. And it was well past ten.
“I’ll text one of my men to get an update.” Camila pulled her phone from her purse and began typing.
“I’m in no rush to go back to our suite,” Mya commented once Camila set her phone on the table by her plate.
“This one,” Oliver said while waving a hand Mya’s way, “is crazy. Do you know what she did before we came here for dinner?”
While waiting for Oliver to share, Sydney thought back to what she, herself, had done before dinner.
She’d taken a shower and dressed alone. Because Beckett couldn’t seem to stand being in the same room with her. He’d cleaned up and changed into his jeans and white button-down dress shirt in a matter of seconds before telling her he’d wait in the lobby.
Carter had provided him with a new phone, so he’d said he’d call his daughter and sister to check in while she got ready.
She knew him leaving their suite while she showered was the smart play if they were going to behave and reduce the risk of temptation.
Regardless of Gray’s blessing, they were still on a mission, and they didn’t need to further explore their feelings for each other there. It wasn’t the time or place.