“Impossible.” He kept hold of her chin, not ready to lose her.
Her small smile quickly faded. “After Mexico, I need to head home. See Levi. Figure things out there.”
Why’d this feel like the “we’ll take some time and think about things” kind of talk? To decide if the last five days were real? It was for him. He didn’t need time to confirm that. “I understand.”
Bottom line, he had a life in Alabama. She couldn’t leave her son in D.C. since she shared custody with her ex. Was it possible to make a relationship like that work? Did she even want something long-term with him? The questions buzzed through his brain, but the reality of what happened that day washed over him again.
The drugs had his thoughts diverging in too many directions, and he hated not being sharp.
“Can I kiss you before I go? Or will that hurt?” Sydney tipped her head, and he offered his mouth as an answer, slanting his lips over hers.
And did it hurt? Yeah. But more like in the heart, worried this would be their last kiss.
Sydney’s soft mouth responded to his, and her tongue slipped between his lips, caressing his in sweeping, sensual motions.
Beckett eased his mouth away from hers, hating to break contact, but they were short on time. “They’re waiting.”
Her eyes held his captive as she silently studied him with parted lips.
“Tell me your walls aren’t going to go back up while we’re apart?” he asked, unable to stop himself.
“If anyone could knock them back down,” she began with a nod, “it’s you.”
“Did you know Camila in Spanish means ‘messenger of God’?” Elaina’s question to Camila drew Beckett’s attention as they stood outside the safe house, prepping to part ways.
Camila reached for Elaina’s forearm. “Similar in Portuguese too.”
“You have a gift, Miss Hart. Don’t be afraid to use it.” Elaina wrapped her arms around Camila in a tight hug.
“I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you again soon.” Camila let her go and smiled. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she told Beckett.
“You didn’t do anything to make her . . . die,” Elaina revealed, peering at Miles sitting beside Emily in the back of the SUV, the door still open. Emily seemed to be working her motherly magic on the boy, calming him down, and thank God for her.
Beckett wanted to cling to Elaina’s words. To believe he hadn’t somehow played a role in Cora and Ivy’s deaths.
“There are many other lives you’ll be able to save now. All of you.” Elaina pointed to where Carter stood talking to Jesse and A.J. “Those secrets you found at the bad man’s house will help more people.”
The Guarded One and his secrets. Right. And the formula for that drug would hopefully never see the light of day again.
“Ready?” Liam strode up to his daughter and hooked his arm behind her back.
Elaina hugged Camila one more time, and when Camila shielded her eyes with sunglasses, Beckett had to wonder if she was tearing up.
“See you around.” Camila patted Beckett’s arm, then went over to Gray, saying her goodbyes.
The goodbye Beckett dreaded saying was to Sydney. He knew she was a hell of an operator, and if they were to find a way to make a relationship work down the road, he had to accept her work was dangerous. And to not freak the fuck out whenever she went out on a job.
“See you back home when I’m done,” A.J. said on approach. “I gotta roll back out now.”
Beckett nodded. “Stay safe. Kill some bad guys.”
A.J. winked. “Roger that.”
“And, uh, thanks for saving my ass this morning,” Beckett added in case he’d forgotten to say that.
“We’re family.” A.J. fist-bumped him. “I got you.” He gave him a one-arm hug, careful not to hurt him, then tipped his hat at Beckett before heading toward one of the vehicles so he could fly back to wherever he’d been before.
Once A.J. was gone, Beckett went over to Carter and Griffin. “Stay safe in Mexico.”
“Of course.” Carter faced Beckett. “Also, you should know we’re having Cora and Ivy’s bodies flown to New Mexico, where they were born. Their parents are buried there as well.”
“You did your homework,” Beckett remarked. “Thank you.”
Carter nodded, then twirled his finger in the air, motioning for the others to get going.
“You okay?” Griffin asked him, his gaze cutting to the SUV with Miles inside.
“I have no damn clue.” When Beckett turned his focus back on Sydney speaking with Camila now, their eyes locked. “But I’ll have to find a way to be.”
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
WALKINS GLEN, ALABAMA
“No word from your team yet?” Beckett asked Jesse.
“They’re infiltrating the compound at nightfall,” Jesse shared from behind the wheel of his Dodge Ram as they neared the Hawkins Ranch. “I’m sure Sydney will call you as soon as the op wraps up.”
“And they’ll be okay without you?”
“They’ll be fine. I’m needed here.” Jesse tossed him a quick look before asking, “What can I do to help make today easier for you?”
“I don’t think anything will make it easier.” Beckett opened the vanity mirror to check out the damage Miguel and his assholes had done to his face. He didn’t want to scare McKenna. But instead of catching sight of his reflection, he spied Miles in his car seat.
The boy, a spitting image of Cora with his dark hair, eyes, and dimples, stared at him with a sad expression while clutching the teddy bear Emily had bought him at the airport in Santiago. They’d all taken the same flight to Miami, then Liam, Emily, and Elaina flew home to D.C. while Beckett, Jesse, and Miles caught a flight to Birmingham.
“I didn’t tell anyone about the boy, like you asked,” Jesse said. Beckett had yet to grieve Cora’s loss. He wasn’t sure when her death would genuinely hit him, but he had to get through today first. Face his daughter and share the truth about her mom. Tell his family that with Gray’s government contacts, he’d be expediting the process to adopt Miles.
Miles and McKenna Hawkins. My children. His eyes fell to his hand, finding it trembling on his jeaned thigh.
There was no way he’d separate McKenna from her brother or place Miles in foster care in Chile or the U.S.
He released a shaky breath. “You said Ella took a half-day today?”
“Yeah, and she texted me thirty minutes ago that she picked up McKenna early from school. Everyone’s at your family’s ranch.” Jesse turned down the back road that would have them there within minutes.
“Will McKenna hate me for not sharing the real story about her mom?” Beckett squeezed his hands into fists, his nerves getting to him. The idea of causing his daughter any type of pain was too much to handle.
“I think McKenna will be sad to learn what happened,” Jesse said, glancing in the rearview mirror, “but she has a brother to focus on now. That girl has a huge heart, and she’ll do her damnedest to comfort him and make him part of the family.”