“Maybe you should take a bit of leave?” Mom suggests softly, her eyes blinded by love for me. “Just until everything evens out.”
“Absolutely not. I’ve got a house to take care of, I’m supposed to start volunteering at the autism center, and then the girls have their first meet tomorrow. I can’t miss any of that. I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”
Owen taps my arms. “It’s okay, Ross. We hear you,” he says, teasing me with a character from Friends. We used to watch it as if it was brand-new when we first moved to South Carolina. “I totally hear you, and I’m down for whatever, but I need you to scale back a bit until, as Mom said, it evens out.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand. This is an isolated thing. Really. I was good. I was coping and trying not to be crazy. But then one of my boys got accused of sexual harassment, and then my sister’s vagina ripped, and to me, that means she’s dying since she needs a fucking vagina.”
Owen cringes. “Is Shelli’s vagina okay? Oh my God, I never thought I’d ask that.”
“This is your fault,” Dad says, shaking his head at Mom.
“It was a lot!” she exclaims, throwing her hands up. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Well, ya did,” I say, covering my face. “And then I got to the rink, and Jayden was all, I want you on the ice. And I lost it. It was too much at once. All at once. I had structure and everything was under my control, and bam, it all got thrown to shit. In seconds.”
I don’t want to look up to see my family watching me and being scared of the basket case their son and brother has become. Why in the hell am I scared of the ice? I grew up on the fucking thing. It’s stupid; I’m being stupid. “I was overthinking this thing with this girl, and really, guys, it was emotional overload. And I don’t know… I’m sorry.”
“Evan, you have nothing to apologize for,” Dad says calmly. “And we hear you. We didn’t know all that had happened at once.”
“We just thought you cracked,” Owen offers.
“I did, but there were so many factors, and I just got overwhelmed. But now that I have a clear—okay, kind of a clear head,” I correct when they give me a look, “I know I need to talk to Kayla about my block with the ice. And I need to tell Jayden I can’t help until I fix that block. I’ll go back on my meds. But I promise, I have this.”
Dad nods slowly, and Mom is trying to smile supportively, but I know she wants to cry. She hates when I struggle, and she really hates when I downplay a situation. I’m not trying to, but I’m so used to doing it that way. It’s a big deal that I passed out; I’ve never faced that. But also, I didn’t have sex until yesterday!
I’m so damn worried about Callie and how she feels, I don’t think I’m allowing myself to feel. Or my feelings are over the top because I don’t know how to navigate any of that. I have no clue what’s happening. I’m just trying to survive. Trying not to get put in a mental ward, because I worry that’s where my family is about to send me.
“You try to brush everything under the rug and move on so no one thinks you’re weak. And I get it, that’s how you cope. But, baby, you gotta remember you are safe with us. You’re not weak,” Mom reminds me, and Owen nods.
“Strongest dude I know,” he says softly, holding my gaze.
What would I do without this guy in my life?
“Listen, it’s a lot, and I know I haven’t been taking good care of myself. But I promise it won’t happen again.”
They all look at me for a moment and then nod. “Okay,” Dad says, and then he takes Mom’s hand. “We’re gonna go talk about you for a bit and see if we find a way to agree with what you’ve said. You two enjoy your time.”
I chuckle as they walk away, and Owen says, “At least they’re honest.”
“Yeah,” I say, shaking my head. “This is all fucking stupid. I hate feeling like this.”
“I know, dude. I’m sorry. If I could, your brain would catch these hands.”
We share a laugh as he leans on his hand and bats his eyes at me. “So, you’re overthinking a girl? Tell me everything.”
“Of course you didn’t miss that part,” I accuse, and he grins.
“Hey, I am a very good listener,” he says, all proud of himself. But we both know he’s full of it. He hears “girl,” and he’s like a dog that hears his treat bag opening. I fill him in on everything that happened, how it played out, and why I’m worried. He listens intently, but when I’m done, he gives me a look.
“You could have told Mom that you just got done banging and you’d see the new baby later.”
I almost choke on my soda. “Never.”
“Was the girl mad? Wait. Can I get a name so I can stop calling her ‘she’ or ‘girl’?”
“No. I want to fix it first and make sure we’re good. I don’t want to jinx it.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Shut up. And no, she didn’t seem mad. She has a sister and a nephew and shit, so I think she was understanding, but we didn’t even exchange numbers.”
“And you want to call her?”
“Yes, Owen,” I say sarcastically.
“Okay, Evan,” he says, mocking my tone. “Did you slide into her DMs?”
“I can’t find her Instagram, and I searched the damn team’s Instagram too. I don’t want her to feel like I blew her off.”
He nods. “Yeah, you’re gonna need to do some damage control and figure out how honest you want to be with her.”
“Fully,” I say almost immediately. “I have no reason to hide who I am.”
“Jesus, Evan. First pussy and you’re ready to give her a ring?”
“For one, fuck you,” I say playfully, glaring at him. “And for two, it’s called respect. You don’t sleep with someone unless you want to be honest with them.”
He scoffs. “I swear you’re stuck in the twenties or something. Listen, I’ve slept with so many girls using your name, and I sure as hell don’t remember their names.”
I gawk at him. “Wow, that’s disgusting. And thanks, asshole. Over here ruining the good Evan Michael name.”
“Oh, totally,” he says, laughing. “And then Dart would say he’s Michael Evan. It was a damn good time.”
“I hate you both,” I declare, glaring, but the truth is, I love and miss them. “I bet Dart is suffering without his wingman.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, his mom moved in with him and his baby sister.”
“Baby sister?”
“Yeah, she’s like five or something. His stepdad passed away, so he took them in.”
“Oh man, that sucks.”
“Yeah, apparently his stepdad was abusive, so Dart is glad he’s gone,” he says with a shrug. “Angie is just glad he’s got his own place and she has more room for her plants. My house is a jungle now.”
I grin widely. “You love it.”
“I do. She misses you, and she loves you,” he reminds me, and I feel the same. “But not as much as me. I love you the most.”