Nico looks back at me, and I flutter my hands at him. “Surprise!”
Brenda’s eyes widen. “Oh, I’m so sorry—”
But I wave her off. “It’s not a big deal. I was going to tell him today and show him the leotards.”
Aviva wraps her arms around me. “Nico! We’ll have to come for that meet.”
I look at Nico for his reaction, and I’m gutted by the tears in his eyes. “You’re trying to kill me today, eh?”
“I wanted you to know how much you mean to me.” I smile sweetly at him as I lean into Aviva.
Brenda adds, “We are very lucky to have such an incredible young lady on our staff.”
“She’s our favorite girl,” Nico says, and Aviva shakes her head with a smile.
“What are you going to do when we have a girl?”
“She’ll have to deal with the truth,” he says, holding his hand up for a high five. I laugh as I slap his hand, and then I grin as he pulls me in, hugging Vance and me in his long arms. As he releases us, I want to ask what he thinks, but then I hear singing.
I cock my head as I glance at Brenda. “Who’s singing?”
She beams. “That’s actually a surprise. He was here for his own reasons, and the kids were doing music and he joined in. It’s our newest volunteer, Evan Adler.”
Just his name has me grinning from ear to ear. I feel Nico tense up beside me, but I don’t care. After last night, I’ve decided Nico is going to have to deal with whatever happens with Evan. I know I might be jumping the gun, but I feel really good about how everything with Evan is unfolding. I know I’m considered young and naïve, but I’m hopeful for the possibilities of a relationship with him. I think I could be good for him, and I know he’s good for me.
When he said he hadn’t even noticed that I didn’t have real nipples or breasts, I felt as though it wasn’t my body he wanted. He wanted me. The night was a little rushed, but I’ve never felt the way he makes me feel before. He didn’t have to bring me back to campus last night, but he did, forcing his brother to follow in his car. He walked me to my house and kissed me goodnight. I swear I slept on cloud nine all night. He makes me want to do bigger and better things. He pushes me, he supports me, and with just a look, I know he believes in me. Which is hard when you’re in a sport where you eat the mat about eighty percent of the time, but Evan is there, cheering me on. I want to be that for him. I want him to see how I see him. I adore him. I do. I know it’s a crush right now and he can do no wrong in my eyes, but for some reason, it feels like more than that. I’ve always found his quiet demeanor so intriguing. Add in the fact that I’m totally attracted to him and that his eyes make my clothes burn off, and I know it’s real. I know it’s good.
He’s good.
As his voice floats toward us, I head in the direction of the music with no concerns about whether Aviva and Nico are with me. When I enter the music room, Evan’s sitting on the carpet with a guitar in his hands as he plays and sings about Old McDonald. He looks so rested and different than he did last night. His eyes are brighter, and his grin is so wide as he makes animal noises with all the kids who are around him. They are eating him up, dancing and swaying along with him. Some are rocking back and forth, but that’s a good thing. They seem to be enjoying themselves. Evan is so involved with the kids, he doesn’t see that he has an audience, and I love how animated he is. It’s a different side to him that I didn’t know existed.
He’s beautiful.
I notice one of the kids in the back not interacting, and my heart breaks a bit. It’s awful how debilitating this diagnosis can be.
When Aviva steps up beside me, I hand Vance off to her and walk toward my main dude, Kyle. When he sees me, it’s only for a split second before he looks back down at the block he is holding. He never greets me at first, but by the end, we’re best friends.
“Kyle, you don’t want to go sing?” He shrugs, and I open my palm. “I’ll go with you,” I offer, and he doesn’t agree immediately.
He moves the block around and then says, “I don’t like the song.”
I nod. “Okay. What do you like?”
He places the block down and then taps his chin as he thinks really hard. “‘Fine Apple.’”
I want to laugh so hard. He’s such a ham. “That is my favorite song. Come on. Let’s go ask Evan if he knows it.”
Kyle takes my hand, and I can’t wait to tell his mom he requested that song. She’d told me about his obsession when he saw it on TikTok, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Together, we walk to the circle and sit down. He doesn’t sit too close to me because he doesn’t do well with touch, but he’s close enough to me to feel safe. Sometimes he hides behind me when other staff comes into our sessions. Thankfully he likes me, and when I see him and we make progress, it’s a high like no other. I love helping him.
When I look up, Evan sees me, and to my surprise, his smile grows. I beam back before leaning into Kyle. “Raise your hand and ask.”
He hesitates and then shakes his head. “You.”
“Together?”
He nods, and we raise our hands. Evan points to Kyle. “You got a song request, buddy?”
Kyle looks at me, and I nod, urging him on. “You got this.”
“‘Fine Apple’?”
“‘Fine Apple’! No way, that’s my favorite song!”
And with no hesitation, Evan starts the chords, his face so bright as he sings like a fucking angel. While the other kids are dancing or swaying, Kyle sits still beside me, singing the words to the best of his ability and as clearly as he can. He doesn’t smile, nor does he dance, but I know he is enjoying himself by how intently he watches Evan.
I move my gaze from him to Evan, and he may be singing the song Kyle requested, but I’m pretty sure he’s singing to me. His voice is so sexy, like ice cream melting on an apple pie, and I want to eat him alive. His lips curve as he sings, his eyes only on me, and everything inside me is on fire.
As the song ends, I look at Kyle, grinning as he nods, very satisfied. “That good.”
“I agree,” I say, and we all clap.
Evan pulls his gaze from me and asks for more requests. I glance back to where Nico and Aviva are standing, and I grin. But I notice Nico’s watching me with his brows furrowed. Gone is the proud papa, replaced by a guy who is suspecting I’m digging the musical talent. He has every right to suspect us—hell, I would if I were on the outside looking in—but I assumed that with everything else going on today, he wouldn’t notice something brewing between Evan and me.
And now, I suspect I was completely wrong.
twenty
Evan
I promised my mom, my dad, and Owen that I would not skip taking my daily meds after the incident. After everything that has happened, I even promised myself. For the first time in my entire life, I have found a cocktail of meds that works, and I can’t deny that. I think the biggest part of my realization was when Callie told me to be the author of my future. I don’t want to be mentally ill—no one does—but if I have the help and the support, I can do anything I want to do. The absolute crazy thing—and mind-blowing, at that—is that I know I don’t want to play hockey ever again.