They’re so connected.
We sit out by the fire for a long time, listening to the boys and talking about the IceCats’ season. Evan is so at ease, and I can’t get enough. I lean into him for his warmth, and somehow, I end up in his lap with the guitar in my lap. I rest my face in his neck as he plays, and I just inhale him. As he talks about fond memories with the IceCats, my heart is the one singing. I haven’t heard him say anything positive about his career since we started dating. Tears burn my eyes, and I know it’s silly, but I just love him so much.
I know how I feel; I know what it means and how important our relationship is. That’s why it was easy to be so assured when I was talking to Aviva and Nico. I know what I’ve got, and he’s worth his weight in gold and then some. I sit in his lap for a long time as he plays, but then Dart declares he’s heading out.
“I’ll see you lovebirds later,” he calls to us, and I wave.
“See ya, dude,” Evan calls to him.
“We’re gonna head up too,” Angie says, taking Owen’s hand in hers. He goes willingly, a sultry look on his face that’s just for her.
The three of them walk away together, and I turn to Evan. “Did you wanna go in?”
“Not yet,” he says, strumming the guitar.
I place my nose back in his neck and close my eyes as he plays.
“Wanna tell me what’s wrong? And before you say nothing, I know something is bothering you.”
I exhale against his neck. “Nico is being an ass, and I got Aviva involved, which was a bad idea.”
He stops playing, leaning his head into mine. “What happened?”
I tell him, and he listens intently. I feel his pulse kick up, the vein in his neck throbbing against my nose as I tell him everything. “I’m just so frustrated. Nico’s always been protective ever since I’ve known him, but he also knows I’m not an idiot. I know what I want, who I want.”
“I was worried about this,” he says softly, and I sit up, looking at his profile.
“What do you mean?”
“After Nico confronted me, and I basically said I wasn’t going to stop seeing you, I worried that he would put you in the middle of it.”
“It’s stupid,” I say sternly. “I’m not a kid, and while I know I’ve asked him to be my dad, that can change very quickly.”
He gives me a look. “Callie, come on. You love him.”
“And I love you.”
He holds my gaze, and I notice the tautness of his jaw. “I know, but you’ve known him longer than me, and he’s always going to be—”
“And I feel you are too,” I say simply, holding his gaze. “Yes, I’ve known him longer, and yes, he has become such a huge part of my life, but so have you.”
His eyes burn into mine, and his voice is calm as he says, “I’d understand if you wanted to do as he asks. I don’t want to come between you two, that’s all I mean.”
“What the fuck?” I say, gawking at him. “I don’t want to agree with what he thinks of you, and neither does Aviva. I mean… Shit, Evan, do you not feel what I feel?”
His eyes hold mine. “That’s not what I mean at all.”
“Then why would you say that?”
“Because I love you so much that I would step aside if it was best for you. I’m not saying it would be easy, or that I would handle it well, but I would do it if it meant you had the family you deserve.”
“I know what I fucking deserve,” I say, standing up and glaring down at him. “I know what I want, what I need, and no one needs to tell me one way or another.”
Evan looks up at me, holding my gaze as we both breathe in deeply. He sets the guitar beside him then reaches up, taking my wrist in his hand and pulling me into his lap once more. I don’t go willingly, but when he wraps his arms around me, I don’t want to fight with him. There has been enough fighting tonight. I lean my head into his chin, and he kisses my forehead, holding me close. “I want for you to have everything, Callie. The family, me, and more, but I also don’t want to be a source of stress to you, or even Aviva.” He kisses my forehead again, his lips rubbing against my skin as he speaks. “I don’t want to think of my life without you, and my heart aches knowing you’re upset over this, which is why I said what I said.”
When tears leak out of my eyes, I close them tighter.
“I don’t want you to lose Aviva in all this.”
I hadn’t even thought of that. If I stop talking to Nico because of Evan, does that mean Aviva will stop talking to me? Surely not. But if so, would I be okay with that? I’ve only ever had Aviva, but she has her own life. It makes no sense. I know in my heart that she’d never cut me off because of Nico. But if I feel for Evan what she feels for Nico, doesn’t that mean she would since I’m almost ready to cut Nico out?
What the hell am I even thinking? No. None of this will happen. Nico will get his shit together, he will see how wonderful Evan is, accept him, and everything will be fine. We’ll all live happily ever after.
Right?
“It’s so frustrating! All because things didn’t work out with Shelli. Doesn’t he realize he wouldn’t have Aviva if they had?”
He nods, his lips against my head. “I said the same thing.”
We sit like that for a long time, the fire burning down as we hold each other. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved. Completely. I missed out on it when it came to my parents. Aviva did her best, but she was going through cancer and trying so hard to keep me in gymnastics, and sometimes, I felt like I was a burden rather than her sister. When Nico came along, it felt like things shifted and I became her sister again and not her burden. She didn’t struggle anymore, she got to love me for me and not as an obligation, and I thought that’s what I wanted. To be loved by my new family. But being on my own, learning who I am, I know I want more. I want to be loved completely for who I am, and Evan gives me that. No one has made me feel loved in the way I know Nico loves Aviva until Evan.
Nico will see that when Evan and I are together.
Nico will have to feel it.
Surely.
I kiss Evan’s jaw. “Evan.”
“Yes, my love,” he whispers back.
“Will you come to breakfast with Nico and Aviva so he can see how great we are?”
He pauses, and his jaw goes taut under my lips. He moves his hand along my leg, pulling me closer to him as he thinks it over. “For you, I will.”
Evan turns his head, and our lips meet as the waves crash against the shore in such a beautiful rhythm. We kiss, and I’m sure tomorrow will be better. I’m sure Nico will come around. Because I know, after everything I’ve been through, it’s time for me to get all the love I deserve.
The family and the man I love.
All of it.
thirty-six
Evan
I feel as if I’m heading into the lion’s den to be slaughtered.
I think Callie feels the same too.
She hasn’t said much as we drive to her house, and she hasn’t really said anything since we woke up. It makes me edgy, and I’m unsure of how to take it or react to it. One thing is for sure, I can’t help but notice how pretty she is. She spent thirty minutes on her hair last night, and I even helped her wash it and put product in. Today, it’s all curly and flowy over her shoulders. She wears a cute little green dress with tights underneath. She didn’t put on any makeup, but she doesn’t need it.