“Fuck, you’re naked.” His tone was gritty.
“I…had to handwash my panties.”
He growled. “You’re so damn beautiful.” His fingers brushed her folds, and she jerked. He stroked her.
Oh, God. It felt so good. Saskia couldn’t think, she was just a ball of pure feeling. She kissed him harder, writhing. She sucked on his tongue.
He slid his finger inside her, then his thumb found her clit.
She gripped his biceps, grinding against his hand.
“Don’t stop,” she panted against his lips.
Another finger stretched her, and he circled her clit. Saskia detonated.
As she cried out, shuddering through her orgasm, she held on to him.
Her shelter. Her safety.
“Christ.” He kissed her again. “Gorgeous.”
Panting, she reached for the waistband of his jeans.
He grabbed her wrist. “Saskia.”
His tone made her look up, and all the pleasant sensations fled.
Oh, no. His face was tight, conflicted. He stepped back and she closed her legs, suddenly feeling cold.
“Cam…”
“I’m an asshole.”
“No, you’re not,” she said.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” He looked at the floor, his chest heaving.
“I wanted that.”
He raised his head. “I can’t give you what you deserve. I wish I could, more than anything, but I don’t have it in me.”
She bit her lip, pain flowing through her. His face… So much pain.
So desperately, she wanted to argue with him. To ask him to fight for them. But she realized that she was making it worse for him.
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice tortured.
She clasped her hands together. “You told me from the beginning you…weren’t in the right place for a relationship.” But she’d pushed, hoped.
But it wasn’t going to happen.
God, all they’d shared was one hot kiss and talked on the phone, yet this felt like a blow. It was worse than her last breakup.
“You’re amazing, Saskia. You’re warm, beautiful, talented, a good friend.”
Ugh. This felt even worse.
“I’m sorry if this—” he lifted a hand between them “—made you think I could.”
He was a good man, and he was trying his best not to hurt her.
He didn’t need to know that she was shattering inside.
She jumped off the counter. “You’re a good guy, Cam.” She tried for a smile. “I’m so grateful to you for finding me, taking care of me.”
He pressed a hand to the back of his neck. “I wish I’d met you before I was in the military. Before…”
“You’re still my hero.”
His face twisted. “I’m not.”
“You are, but I get that you can’t see it. I see the man too, you know. He’s just as fascinating as the badass.” She closed the gap between them and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. “I hope you find what you need. What makes you happy.”
Even if that wasn’t her.
He just stared at her, his eyes turbulent. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I’m going to shower.” She backed up, keeping her smile in place, although she was cracking inside. “Then I’ll call Savannah.”
Cam stalked into his office at Norcross and dropped a file on his desk.
He had shit to do. They always had plenty of jobs at Norcross Security. He blew out a breath and shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants. He was finding it hard to concentrate.
You’re my hero, Cam.
I’m not.
You are, but I get that you can’t see it. I see the man too, you know. He’s just as fascinating as the badass.
Was she okay? She’d been subdued when Savannah had picked her up from his place. He’d walked her downstairs and put her in the car.
Goodbye, Camden.
Her tone had been so damn final.
She was taking a day or two to regroup before she flew back to New York.
New York. On the other side of the fucking country.
He’d done the right thing. For her. He had to keep reminding himself of that. She deserved a man who could give her everything.
It wasn’t him.
A muscle ticked in his jaw. As much as he wished differently, it wasn’t him.
So why the hell did it hurt so much? He stared at his desk, trying to get a lock on things.
“You okay?” a deep voice asked.
He turned. Rome Nash was standing in the doorway. The big bodyguard was watching him carefully.
Cam blew out a breath. “I’m still pissed that Mikhailov is in the wind.” He’d be a lot happier knowing the Russian was in jail. He had to be long gone, but still.
“Heard the feds are raiding all of his properties across the country,” Rome said.
Cam nodded. “Asshole probably jumped on a private jet, and is sunning himself in Mexico, or Tahiti, or Bora-Bora.”
Rome lifted his chin. “How’s your ballerina?”
“She’s not mine.”
The man raised a dark brow. “She know that?”
“I told her.” Cam choked down his frustration. Really, he barely knew Saskia. It shouldn’t hurt this damn much to lose the promise of her. “I…can’t offer her what she needs.”
Rome’s green gaze was like a laser. “You sure about that?”
“I’m sure,” Cam clipped out.
Rome lifted one broad shoulder. “Seemed to me you were giving her what she needed.” With a nod, he headed back down the hall to his office.
Cam stood there for a long moment, staring out the glass walls into the warehouse. A second later, another familiar face appeared.
“Hey,” his brother Ryder said. He wasn’t wearing his paramedic uniform, so it probably meant he’d had a shift at the free clinic in the Tenderloin where he donated his time. His brown hair was almost long enough to brush his broad shoulders.
“Hey,” Cam replied.
“How’s Saskia?”
“She was fine this morning. She’s with Savannah now.”
Ryder cocked his head. “But she’s staying with you?”
“Not now. She’ll stay with Hunt and Savannah before she goes back to New York.”
Ryder shook his head. “You idiot.”
Cam scowled at his brother. “Don’t start, Ryder.”
“She’s into you. She just had the worst day of her life, and she wanted you.”
“I got her out,” Cam said between clenched teeth.
“She needed more than that.”
“I know that, Ryder. That’s why I made her leave.”
His brother shook his head. “You shortchange yourself.”
Anger burned in his gut. It had been simmering since he’d watched Saskia get in Savannah’s car. “Look, you, Hunt, the others, I get that you’re all in love. You’ve got gorgeous women, you’ve got your life all sorted out—” He cursed and looked away. “You’ve been home longer than me…and I’m not sure I’ll ever have it all together.” Not enough to give a woman like Saskia everything she needed.
Ryder was quiet, then he sighed. “I love you, bro. I’m here for you. I still think you’re shortchanging yourself, and you’re making a mistake with Saskia, but I get it.”