“But as I told you last night,” Dare said thoughtfully, “I miss you, and you never let me apologize for what I said that day. It was selfish of me to tell you not to marry Eddie. If I could go back and do it over—”
“You’d say the same damn thing,” she said sharply. “We both know you always speak your mind, regardless of the ramifications.” It was one of the things she admired most about him, because she’d always done the same thing. But holding everything in for all these years was exhausting.
“Not as much anymore.”
“Did your professors knock that out of you when you were in school?” She’d never talked to him about his career, but she knew all about the ranch. It had an excellent reputation for its live-in therapeutic programs, and Billie had heard that Dare was an exceptional therapist. He’d always been curious about what made people tick. She was curious about the work he did, but she wasn’t ready to go there.
“Yeah, I guess you can say that. Or you could say I’ve grown up, too.” He looked at her for a long moment, those dark eyes holding her captive. “But I hate the way you look at me like you wish it’d been me that died that night. I get it, and I’d switch places with Eddie in a heartbeat just so you wouldn’t have lost him.”
Her throat thickened. “Is that what you think? That I wish you were dead?”
“Sure feels that way.” He sat up, taking a swig of his juice.
Emotions stacked up inside her. “Well, I don’t, and I never have.” She pushed to her feet and paced. “I wish nobody had died. It didn’t have to happen.” She couldn’t keep her voice from rising. “Eddie never did flips. He was too uncoordinated, and he knew it. He never should’ve gotten on that bike.”
Dare stood up. “We both tried to stop him, remember?”
“Of course I remember! How could I forget? The whole thing plays out in my mind like a horror movie every night, and I don’t hate you for what you said, either. So stop thinking I do.” She stomped back to him, hands fisted, remembering what he’d said when he’d seen the ring. You’re not going to marry him, are you? I love Eddie, but he’s not your forever guy, Billie. He’s not the man who sets your soul on fire. “You didn’t say anything that I didn’t already know. I’d already broken up with him when you saw the ring and told me not to marry him. He wouldn’t take the ring back, but we were already done. That’s why he and I were fighting before he grabbed the bike instead of filming us. That’s why he died.” Tears spilled from her eyes. Dare looked shocked by her confession, but she was too upset to slow down. “Because of me. Because I couldn’t love him the way he loved me. It’s my fault he’s dead, Dare. My fault!”
“No, Billie, you are not taking on that responsibility.” He pulled her into his arms.
“Let me go.” She beat her fists on his chest, crying out of anger, frustration, and so much hurt, it was inescapable.
“Never.” He held her tighter, despite her struggles. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was a stupid stunt gone wrong.”
“But he never would have done it if I’d loved him the way he loved me.” Her confession broke open the floodgates, and she clung to him, powerless to stop the tears and grief she’d been holding back for years. She braced herself for him to get angry that she blamed herself, because that’s who Dare Whiskey had always been. Her great protector. The man who refused to let her suffer and had always built her up so she felt indestructible. All that fortifying had taught her to be strong, and until this very moment, she’d believed she was a master at hiding her suffering.
But Dare didn’t get mad.
He didn’t say a word.
He just held her as she cried, running his hand down her back, the muscle in his jaw clenching against her temple. He was more muscular than he’d been years ago, when he’d haul her into his arms after they’d nailed a great stunt or she’d won a motocross race, but he still felt familiar and safe. Despite years of battering you with my attitude, like an iceberg ramming into an unchillable mountain. That brought a stab of guilt, and she drew back, but he tightened his hold on her again, speaking low.
“I’m not done with you yet, Mancini.”
She closed her eyes against the rush of emotions that came with the words he’d said to her all those years ago after their tipsy tryst, to which she’d responded, Yeah, you are, ’cause I’m done with you. She’d thought she was so tough then, not giving in to being another notch on his belt. Little had she known she was biting off her nose to spite her face.
“Yeah, you are,” she choked out, and pushed from his arms, wiping her eyes, wondering if she could bolt and whether he’d chase her this time.
“Sit down, Mancini.” He didn’t wait for a response, grabbing her wrist as he sat, pulling her down beside him.
Here comes the anger. She sat up straighter, readying for an onslaught of fortification.
“Breathe,” he said soothingly, and handed her the water bottle he’d given her earlier. “Take a drink.”
His jaw was tight, dark eyes serious but not angry. Who was this calm impostor?
“Or don’t.” He put the water bottle on the grass between them and opened his orange juice. He finished what was left in the bottle and pulled one knee up, lazily resting his arm on it and gazing out at the field, as if he had all day to sit there with her. “You really broke up with him? You went out for so long, when you accepted his proposal, I thought I was wrong, and he was the love of your life.”
“Not everyone who dates for a long time is meant to be married.” It was hard to process this serious side of Dare. It was so new to her and it was hard to talk about something she’d kept off-limits for so long, but he deserved to know the truth. At least this piece of it. “I loved Eddie, but no matter how hard I tried, you were right; he didn’t set my soul on fire. That’s why I couldn’t marry him.”
HOLY SHIT. DARE’S mind sped back in time, to when she or Eddie had made comments about their relationship. It hadn’t happened often, but there were a few times when one would mention maybe they should take a break or they’d hit a rough patch. Now Dare saw those times as missed opportunities to fight for her. But she hadn’t wanted him, and he wasn’t a glutton for punishment. At least not that type of punishment.
She met his gaze. “Now do you understand why it’s my fault?”
“No, but I can see why you would lean that way. You pissed him off, and then he did a stunt he shouldn’t have.”
“Because he was mad.”
“Because he was a dude, and our egos are bigger than our dicks. We have a visceral need to save face. You hurt his heart and his pride, and he was out to show you that you didn’t break him. He was still a man who could do cool shit, even if he shouldn’t have tried.”
“I want to roll my eyes at that, but the whole ego-dick thing rings true.”
“Except for mine.” He waggled his brows, and she shook her head with a small smile. He’d take it. “You know, you were always pissing one of us off, and we both tried plenty of stupid stunts while we were angry, and we didn’t die any of those times. Eddie’s death was tragic, but it wasn’t your fault.”