“I’m just asking what everyone wants to,” she replies, closing the fridge with her hip and pulling out a chair. “We were all there and saw it play out, so we’re all invested.”
“There’s nothing to report. All the women are pissed at me, as far as I know, and I’m enemy number one,” I say, glancing over at her. I need some inside information from the other sex. “You’re a woman.”
“Very observant.”
“What should I do to fix this whole mess?” I ask.
“With Con?” she asks, brows drawing together. “Or with the Natty-Clover-Cara trio?”
“The trio. No, not even the trio, just Cara. She’s the one at the center of all of this. And I can’t be with Con anyway, so it’s probably for the best.”
“Why can’t you be with her?” Leah asks, taking a sip of water and putting the lid back on the bottle.
“Because it’s going to cause more shit, and it will be awkward for Cara.”
“So you’re more focused on Cara’s feelings than Con’s?” she asks, nodding to herself. “Interesting.”
“What’s interesting? It’s not that I am more focused on Cara, it’s that Con and I aren’t seeing each other anymore. And don’t use that psychology shit on me.” Leah is a second-year psychology student, and I know she’s always analyzing all of us.
She laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry. I think for Cara you need to seek her out and talk to her in person. You didn’t purposely hurt Cara; it’s all a big misunderstanding. So clear it up.”
I nod. “You’re right. I just feel like I keep messing up, it’s one thing after another.”
“Well, all you can do is learn from it. Can’t change what happened now,” she replies. “You know, Dice and I work so well because we communicate with each other, and consider each other.”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t rub your healthy relationship in my face right now,” I grumble.
“I’m just saying. You need to work on your communication skills a little. I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you spoke to Cara and explained to her how you were feeling, and maybe realized something wasn’t working and that’s why you stopped coming home to her and treating her how you used to, maybe you could have made that work. Or maybe if you and Con communicated better you could have figured out this connection before you came to the party. You have to open up a little, Rhett. I know you’re a man and all, but use your words.”
Use my words. Even though Leah doesn’t have all the information, she is right. I made all these choices and decisions and never gave Cara an option. And then with Con I didn’t want to tell her much about my relationship with Cara, but if I had been honest, maybe she and I could still be together.
“Fuck, you’re right. I’ve kept everything to myself, and let everyone think shit that didn’t even happen, and now I’m the bad guy, all because I couldn’t openly communicate how I was feeling,” I say.
“What shit didn’t even happen?” she asks, brows furrowing.
I study her for a few seconds, realizing my misstep. But if I’m going to follow Leah’s advice, then I need to start being honest. “You know how Cara thinks I cheated on her? I didn’t. I’d never cheat on her. But I also knew that we weren’t going to work, and that the life of an old lady wasn’t for her, so I just let her believe...”
“You took the easy way out and let her think you cheated so she’d dump you and you wouldn’t have to be honest with her?” she asks, and I can hear the judgment in her tone, and see it in her expression.
“Yes, I mean, I did kiss the girl when I knew she was looking,” I admit, cringing. “So I guess that would count as cheating, technically, but that’s all that happened. And I did it on purpose. And you’re the only one who knows the truth. I didn’t tell a single soul. Wow, you really are going to make a great shrink.” I just opened up to her. What a fucking miracle worker she is.
Her jaw drops open as she processes the information I just dumped on her. “I can’t believe you’d hurt her like that and let her think that you cheated on her. Are you going to tell her the truth or continue to be a coward?”
Ouch. “What’s the point? It’s old news now. She has moved on and I don’t think we need to revisit the past.”
“What about your reputation? Do you know how much it hurts being cheated on? She didn’t deserve that, Rhett. I think you should tell her the truth.”
I knew she was going to say that. Hell, even I know it’s the right thing to do. “I don’t care about my reputation, Leah. I’m a biker, and I’m about to become president.”
“Yeah, okay, I get that,” she replies, frowning. “But you have to care what the people who love you think about you.”
Of course I fucking do. But like I said, it’s in the past now, and it won’t change anything.
Dice steps into the room, saving me from replying. “There you are.”
“She’s giving me a free therapy session.”
Dice grins, walks over to Leah and kisses her on top of her head. “She’s good at that. I’m heading out with the MC—you going to stay here or you heading home?”
“I’m going for a run, then I’ll go home,” she says. The two of them then start whispering to each other, and kissing, so I quietly leave the room, thinking about what she just said.
Communication.
Honesty.
Things I clearly need to work on.
“When are we heading off?” I ask Arrow when I find him outside, standing next to his motorcycle.
“An hour or two. Why?”
“Do you need me? I want to drop by Cara’s house.”
“All right,” he replies, tone unimpressed. “We will leave without you. But don’t make this a habit.”
“I won’t.”
I decide it is time to have the conversation with Cara that I have been avoiding for so long. If I want to move forward and actually have a friendship with her and Clover, I need to lay it all out on the table. She deserves that much, and I know this; I’ve just been blocking it all out instead of dealing with it, which wasn’t the right way to handle it. I can imagine how hurt, confused and angry she’s going to be. But it’s better that she knows.
As I ride over to her home, I can’t believe this is where I am—driving over to Cara’s house where she lives with another man. I never in a million years would’ve expected this is how things would play out with us. It just proves that I do need to have this conversation and I really have to let go of the past.