Damien wanted to ask why his curse hadn’t been affected, but Cimil never did anything for free, including giving information. Always strings. Always.
“Bonbon won’t be of much use,” Damien pointed out. “His faculties aren’t what they used to be.” In fact, some days, Bonbon actually believed he was a Chihuahua. Other days? A race car driver. Damien always had to keep his car keys out of reach.
“If you say so,” replied Cimil skeptically. “Then your first stop will be visiting a woman who claims she was assaulted by a tiny, winged creature. Apparently, it tried to crawl up her privates while she was trying on swimwear at a mall.”
A sex fairy?
Cimil continued, “Go find the woman, and see if she was telling the truth. If yes, maybe you can track down this naughty little winged perv. It could be the key to getting our immortals back.”
He highly doubted that was possible. If what Cimil said was true, that a unicorn and hellhound getting frisky caused a blast that spanned the globe, the energy had to have been immense. A supernatural nuclear bomb. There was no coming back from such a powerful force, in his opinion.
“And Damien?” Cimil added. “You cannot fail. I need my husband back the way he was. He’s far too squishy and human now. It’s all wrong for my spirited lovemaking.”
Her husband was a vampire. Or used to be. “I will do my best.”
“We will be expecting an update in three days. I’ll text you the location along with the details on the fairy sighting. Oh, and if I were you, I’d be nice to MF. She cuts off people’s ears if they twist her panties the wrong way.”
“Excellent,” he said drably. “I’ll go remove the customer comment box now.”
Cimil saluted him, threw an invisible rifle over her shoulder, and marched out.
Moments later, MF entered the workshop, blowing a bubble with her pink gum. “So, you gonna train me or what, Jeeves?”
Damien narrowed his eyes. He could not leave his store in the hands of this poorly dressed savage. Perhaps he could call in a favor from one of his friends to watch the shop for a few days. He knew a few people who at least spoke properly.
“You look like you might have a headache coming on.” He dug a ten out of his billfold and handed MF the money. “Buy some chocolate on the way home. We’ll start in the morning.”
She snatched up the ten. “Naw, I’m good. But I got stuff to do anyway. See ya in the morning.”
She marched out, leaving him perplexed. What could possibly have inspired Cimil to bring this woman of poor breeding to his shop?
“Hey, man. I got nothing from her,” Bonbon said, appearing next to Damien’s perfectly polished wingtips. “She was even rubbing my tummy. Got close to my cock, too. Which, hehe, you know how much I like.”
Damien shook his head. “You are vile.”
But this was very interesting; MF had been unaffected by a love-sucking demon. Perhaps the woman was hiding much more than feelings of insecurity.
CHAPTER TWO
“Are you certain you cannot rearrange your mother’s funeral?” Damien asked the next morning, holding his cell to his ear.
The call went dead.
“Some friend you are.” Damien set his phone next to the register and crossed off the final name on his list.
“Another no?” asked Bonbon.
“I saved that man’s life. Twice. Is it too much to delay his mother’s funeral by a few days? She’s already dead. It will not matter to her.”
“What an asshole. Want a hug?” Bonbon wagged his little white tail.
“No.”
Bonbon rolled his golden eyes. “I’d call you a dick, but we both know you don’t have one.”
“My equipment is just fine. Thank you very much.” Damien opened the register and broke open a roll of quarters to fill the tray.
“But you never use it, which is practically the same as not having a dick. I could give you a few pointers with the ladies if you want.”
How much more of this demon could he take? “You know very well why I cannot have relations.”
“You could. You just don’t want to.”
True. Because anyone he got close to died. It was part of his curse. The only reason Bonbon still lived was because Damien felt nothing for the creature. He provided the demon shelter out of principle. “If someone saves your life, you owe them a debt,” his father used to say. “And a man should never be beholden to anyone.” In other words, pay your debts so people cannot hold anything over you.
Not quite working out so well, is it? he thought. His debt to Bonbon now had him doing a “favor” for the gods.
“It is called doing the right thing,” Damien grumbled. “Something you know nothing about.”
“Pfft! I know right from wrong. I just like wrong better.” Bonbon bent his head, stuck one hind leg straight in the air, and started licking his crotch.
Damien winced. “Must you?”
“Yes. I’m a demon,” Bonbon said, his voice garbled. “We’re all about wrong.”
“Well, now you must be on your best behavior because that MF woman will be here any moment, and I only have a few short hours to show her the ropes.” Apparently, this sex fairy sighting had been near Cleveland, Ohio. His flight departed at noon.
“You’re really leaving me with her?” Bonbon stopped licking.
“You can help keep an eye on the shop.”
“But we don’t know what or who she really is. And who’s gonna feed me?”
Not my problem. “You will have to make do with strangers. I will have her put your bed outside next to the front door on the sidewalk so you can make puppy faces at the tourists.”
“The last time we did that, someone nabbed me and then handed me over to animal control.”
Yes, because while Bonbon looked adorable, he crapped all over the place when he overindulged. “Such a shame you were returned to me.”
Bonbon gasped. “You have no heart. And you’ve hurt my feelings.” Bonbon turned around, showing Damien his butthole. “As punishment, you will scratch my ass.”
“In your dreams.” Damien went to the back to grab a few supplies from the stockroom and finish off the suit he’d been working on all night. He’d already left messages for the other customers regarding their delayed orders.
I loathe disappointing my customers. He pulled out his iron and tailor’s ham to finish pressing the collar.
“Hiya, Jeeves. You ready to get this over with?”
Damien looked up to find MF dressed in a spiked dog collar, XL baggy jeans cinched at the waist, and a see-through fishnet top. Her auburn hair was braided into pigtails with black ribbons woven through.
“Your nipples are showing.”
She shrugged. “What’s the big deal? We all got ’em.”
“That we do.” He walked into the stockroom and returned with a black blazer. “But in my shop, we do not show nipples. Men’s, women’s, or otherwise.” All right, demon nipples, yes. It wasn’t easy to get Bonbon to cover up. Damien glanced at one of the boxes in the corner filled with tiny unused dog sweaters.
Damien held out the blazer. “It should fit. And you can keep it. The client asked me to alter it and never returned.”